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Author Topic: FailCannon: No Rest for the Wicked (or anyone else) (Succession: Battlefailed 2)  (Read 939526 times)

cappstv

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #285 on: October 14, 2010, 09:30:29 pm »

Please remember that the "Fetus Head Smash Festival" is an annual event.
« Last Edit: December 16, 2010, 11:48:07 am by cappstv »
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The French were adept of the "Losing is Fun" philosophy long before Dwarf Fortress.

Urist Imiknorris

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #286 on: October 14, 2010, 10:10:53 pm »

What date? I need to mark my calendar. This will become an integral part of the continuity at some point, knowing these forums.
« Last Edit: October 14, 2010, 10:12:35 pm by Urist Imiknorris »
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Quote from: LordSlowpoke
I don't know how it works. It does.
Quote from: Jim Groovester
YOU CANT NOT HAVE SUSPECTS IN A GAME OF MAFIA

ITS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GAME
Quote from: Cheeetar
If Tiruin redirected the lynch, then this means that, and... the Illuminati! Of course!

cappstv

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #287 on: October 14, 2010, 10:26:56 pm »

What date? I need to mark my calendar. This will become an integral part of the continuity at some point, knowing these forums.
Well shoot, I never actually made a set date. Its somewhere near the beginning of the summer or the end of spring. How about the first day of summer?
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The French were adept of the "Losing is Fun" philosophy long before Dwarf Fortress.

Urist Imiknorris

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #288 on: October 14, 2010, 10:31:33 pm »

Huh. I was going to suggest that in my post, but decided against it.
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Quote from: LordSlowpoke
I don't know how it works. It does.
Quote from: Jim Groovester
YOU CANT NOT HAVE SUSPECTS IN A GAME OF MAFIA

ITS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GAME
Quote from: Cheeetar
If Tiruin redirected the lynch, then this means that, and... the Illuminati! Of course!

Oglokoog

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #289 on: October 15, 2010, 10:20:29 am »

I can't fathom the reason for this, but I am unable to read your updates, cappstv. Maybe it's their odd format, but I just... can't.
So, did anything interesting/awesome happen at all or was it just the standard "stuff happens, dwarves die" turn?
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So we got monsters above, monsters below, dwarves in the middle and a party in the dining hall. Sounds good to me.
If all else fails, remember one thing:  kittens are delicious, nutritious little goblin-baiters, cavern explorers, and ambush-finders.

Grath

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #290 on: October 15, 2010, 02:46:34 pm »

Requesting dorfing.
Name: Grath
Gender: Whichever Is More Convenient For You
Profession: Arrow-catcher (wrestling military)
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Lupusater

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #291 on: October 15, 2010, 02:55:20 pm »

Quote
Oh, Lupusater: you went berserk, murdered your baby, and were punched to death by the entire surviving functional fort population.
An end befitting me. Can I be redorfed, possibly as a smith?
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cappstv

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #292 on: October 15, 2010, 09:45:03 pm »

I can't fathom the reason for this, but I am unable to read your updates, cappstv. Maybe it's their odd format, but I just... can't.
So, did anything interesting/awesome happen at all or was it just the standard "stuff happens, dwarves die" turn?
Well there was this awesome artifact. And stuff happen and dwarfs die.

Most of the other stuff was just story.
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The French were adept of the "Losing is Fun" philosophy long before Dwarf Fortress.

Zathel

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #293 on: October 16, 2010, 03:46:13 pm »

If there are still free dwarves, dorf me... looks like I wasn't dwarfed at all.

Name Zathel, profession not important, but it would be good if it was food-related.
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Glacial

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #294 on: October 16, 2010, 05:03:03 pm »

 1st Granite, 520 - Failcannon

Mother,

Years have passed since we have heard from Aunt Glacial. I traveled to Failcannon at your request, to discover what had become your dear sister. Now I know why she has not written.



Nothing is well here in Failcannon. I have taken to writing poetry to pass the time between when I am screaming or being screamed at. Here is my latest effort:

Slate is the cruellest month, breeding
Sweet pods out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.


I feel I have tapped into some essential theme. If the screaming stops, and I lose the urge to throw plump helmet roasts hither and yon, I may continue to write.

In other news, I have appointed myself overseer of this fortress of Failcannon. The previous overseer is still about, but I have not seen her leave her coffin in days. I suppose she is dead. This is my domain:



 2nd Granite, 520

Winter kept us warm, covering
Earth in forgetful snow, feeding
A little life with bloated tubers.




I have named him Sweet Pod. Dariush seems surprised, but happy. She has stopped screaming. I think she thought she was a boy, and was very surprised to have a child. For reasons I do not quite understand, I would call her Tiresias, if her name wasn't Dariush. I have forgotten why.

 3rd Granite, 520

As overseer, I feel it is crucial that I make some decisions. First, I have appointed myself to all available positions in the fortress. Look how far I've come since losing the sixth-year election for school tax collector to Erib Bustcastles!

Next, I have made myself a nurse. Everyone likes nurses, right?

Finally, I have instituted a new secret society. Here are the rules:

1. You don't talk about brew/fight club.
2. You don't talk about brew/fight club.
3. When someone says stop, or goes limp, the fight is over, but the brewing must never stop.
4. Only two dwarves to a fight. Or maybe not.  But definitely any number of cows.
5. One fight at a time... just ain't happening. And we need more stills for more brewing.
6. They brew and fight without shirts or shoes. In memory of Battlefailed way. Unless they have shirts or shoes. I don't.
7. The fights go on as long as they have to. Duh.
8. If this is your first night at brew/fight club, you have to fight. Everyone has to brew, or there will be a lot more fights.

Did I mention we're out of alcohol? Every adult dwarf has joined brew/fight club. I'm going to stop talking about brew/fight club and throw a bed at someone.

 4th Granite, 520



Lupusater is upset that brew/fight club wasn't her idea. She has murdered her baby. Did I mention we were going to break Rule 4?

 5th Granite, 520



Kinda sad about the way that things have come to be. Desensitized to everything.

 6th Granite, 520

I walked downstairs, and looked around. This is what I saw.



As I watched, one of the toddlers stumbled past me, his eyes opening impossibly wide. And I was frightened. He said, Frosty, Frosty, hold on tight. And down we went.



In the mountains, there you feel free.
I read, much of the night, and dream I go south in the winter.

(Away from here.)

 9th Granite, 520

This is his seventh coming. He is frustrated by his body. It promises so much, and delivers so little. If we had farms, he tells me, he would do something for me.

"What are the hide roots that clutch, what branches grow out of this stony rubbish?" I tell him.

"Daughter of stone, " he tells me, "You cannot say, or guess, for you know only a heap of broken images, where no sun beats."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

 11th Granite, 520



I don't feel any different.

 15th Granite, 520

Dariush became the nurse I could no longer be. She has a hospital now. The wounded lie about, waiting to be cared for.  As for myself, I was neither living nor dead, and I knew nothing. 

I asked her to bury the dead. We have a fortune in coffins. She told me to wait; there are not hands enough to bid good-bye to the dead.

At least the screaming is stopping.

 21st Granite, 520

We are not alone. I am never alone. I hear them moving below.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The stegosaurid would make a lovely room ornament. The other two might be fortress-enders. I hear I can walk without tracking blood now, but I choose not to try it.

 4th Slate, 520

Dariush has catalogued us, and told me who we are, and how we have been sentenced for our crimes:

  • Derm: hospitalized (Beating, 51 days in prison)
  • LordSlowpoke: working, happy he repeatedly stabbed Nat (Beating, 76 days in Prison)
  • Dariush: working, happy as a clam about her new baby (beating, 226 days in Prison)
  • Oglokoog: working, happy he murdered a horse (Beating, 526 days in prison)
  • Nat: starving, needs hospitalized after "cheering up" LordSlowpoke (Beating, 526 days in prison)
  • Frosty: insane and depressed (pleads insanity, suspended sentence)

 16th Slate, 520

Master Andreus, famous conjurer, had a bad cold, nevertheless, is known to be the wisest wizard in Failcannon.

He tells me some migrants have arrived, despite the danger.

Do you know what he will do? He will bring back the dead, casting them into the bodies of the living.

Isn't this wrong? Too late. He's done it.

"Do you want Glacial returned?" he asks.

Do I?

I hope they build a ramp quickly to let the ghosts in before the skeletons slay them anew.

 18th Slate, 520

How wonderful. The horses menacing the immigrants have skin. Everyone is inside the fortress. A child let them in.

I had not thought death would undo so few.

Welcome back, dragonshardz.
Welcome back, Felcis.
Welcome back, NightmareBros.
Welcome back, LucusCasius.
Welcome back-- no, Andreus, think of her crimes against us all!

Ah. Even the necromancer has a sense of humor.

I have given them their orders. It is time for the burial of the dead.

 8th Felsite, 520

My tomb is complete. I hear the sound of ticking now.

 9th Felsite, 520

With a dead sound on the final stroke of nine--

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cappstv

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #295 on: October 16, 2010, 05:32:53 pm »

Awesome update.
Also I see that you found my art galley.
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NightmareBros

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #296 on: October 18, 2010, 12:10:10 pm »

oh, wow.

Also lol at the random gallery.
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cappstv

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #297 on: October 18, 2010, 04:02:56 pm »

oh, wow.

Also lol at the random gallery.
Its not random! ITS CULTURE!
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The French were adept of the "Losing is Fun" philosophy long before Dwarf Fortress.

Glacial

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #298 on: October 18, 2010, 10:29:17 pm »

Cloth... I dream of cloth. Soft cloth enfolding me, crafted into...
into...
or am I rotting from within?

 1st Hematite, 520

The Chair he sat in, like a burnished throne,
Glowed on the schist--

and in it sat a child of two, eyes glittering like jewels.

"Andreus," I said, trying out my strange voice, muffled by my strange beard, hiding my strange face.

"Glacial," the child answered. "Frosty did not wish me to bring you back--"

"But that is how it is done, here in Failcannon," I finished his sentence. "What day is it?"

"Fetus Head Smash Festival."

I think we are in rats' alley
(Frosty whispers)
Where the dead men lost their bones.

Welcome back, Glacial.
Welcome back, Lupusater.


 1st Hematite, 520

I found Frosty's journal, and Andreus shared his notes since her death, filling in the gap of a month. I have preserved Andreus's original writing; it seems that the other fortress-inmates are only letting him draw with crayons. "You could fall on it and hurt yourself!" they tell him when he asks for a pen.

That may be the only way he has yet to die here.

The Abbreviated Journal of Andreus VII, Crayola Edition
11th Felsite, 520
Elves arrive. Would mock them but almost out of red crayon.

19th Felsite, 520
Skeletal buzzards invade the
fortress. Xellas takes care of six of them.

Then zombie buzzards invade the fortress. Felcis and Xellas deal with them.

26th Felsite, 520


cappstv's tradition is catching on. Reminded people: am toddler, not fetus.


Andreus feels that, for Failcannon, everything is remarkably peaceful.

...

I should have worried more.

 3rd Hematite, 520

Frosty missed a forgotten beast in her original catalog. It's interrupting the festivities, but has not found a way into Failcannon proper. Fortunately, I don't think it can fly.



 2nd Malachite, 520

Over the past month, I've taken to hunting skeletal groundhogs and zombie horses while the migrants raise a defensive wall and build new bridges. cappstv insists there's a bridge, but he also insists it was responsible for the deaths of most of the fortress's dwarves, so I have ordered a new bridge to be built. I'm only humoring him because I was already dead when he turned the fortress into an abattoir.

There are a set of microcline-kaolinite-cobaltite levers in the entry hall, near the depot. They raise a trio of one-dwarf-wide bridges from the hill down to the beach. North of them is a jet bridge, controlled by a jet lever north of the other three levers. It controls a third bridge that restricts access into an entry corridor.

When I gathered the other dwarves to explain my plan for the entry corridor, they were sceptical.

"Combining a cage with a mechanism?" someone scoffed. "What do you think that'll do?"

"Bah," another dwarf added. "Next you'll want to link ten lethal metal disks to a mechanism and call it a weapon trap! Who do you think you're fooling?"

Despite their resistance, I have gone forward with my plan. With NightmareBros' assistance, we have created something new in Failcannon. I call it a "cage trap."

 5th Hematite, 520

Zathel, possessed, delivered this gem of the bonecrafter's art:



I've taken to carrying it.

 8th Hematite, 520
Fresh drinking water has been created inside. There's a cobaltite pump that draws it from an aquifer-flooded room. It's manually operated, for reasons of not flooding the rest of the fortress.

 12th Malachite, 520
The masons raising the new wall around the fortress reported a half-dozen undead horses on the eastern border of our territory today. We've dispatched several individual undead horses; this will be a good chance to prove the strength of our new military. I've ordered both squads -- marksdwarves and axedwarves -- into the field against them.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Ta ta. Goonight. Goonight.
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Glacial

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #299 on: October 18, 2010, 11:50:55 pm »

But at my back in a cold blast I hear
The rattle of the bones, and chuckle spread from ear to ear.


 22nd Malachite, 520
"I tried a number of... different things," Andreus confessed as I opened my eyes in a new body. "Forbidden things. But each time the threads of fate converged, and you died again. As did the others."

What would it be like to die and live and die and live and die and live again? Could even the necromancer grow tired of it?

"What about the others?" I asked Andreus. "Did you bring them back?"

Andreus frowned. "I can't. Your niece -- Frosty -- is interfering somehow. She is standing in the gap."

I posed the obvious question, "And yet you brought me back."

Andreus glowered, scrunching up his little face. "I know. It seems to be your turn."

When she was two, Frosty had dimples.

 23rd Malachite, 520
Three more undead horses joined the herd shortly after our forces engaged the first half-dozen. Individually, the horses had been easy prey previously, but this time, it was different. First, and not for the first time in recent dwarven history, our marksdwarves decided to hit the horses with their crossbows, rather than shoot bolts at them. Second, I underestimated the ability of the skeletal horses to knock dwarves down.

Particularly me.

It felt like days of the same thing: knocked down, I would be driven backwards, and though I would block with Lithrushlolum, my groundhog bone shield, I would neither have a chance to stand or counterattack before a skeletal horse would knock me down or drive me back again. In that body, I became a pretty good shield dwarf before I finally met my end.

I made a token effort to rebuild the military, but there are very few dwarves I can spare. The wall is not yet complete, and below, there are several breaches into the caverns that need to be sealed. Felcis, having missed the entire engagement while looking for socks, is now in charge of the military.

 24th Malachite, 520
I've ordered work started on a magma forge complex. It will take some time to complete with the labor available, but we will need it to arm our next military, whomever they might be.


 7th Galena, 520


This one is a flier. Also, a fly.

It's time to see how thoroughly I've had the caverns sealed.

 10th Galena, 520
Well enough, it seems. Oce Omsosuja has taken to wandering the caverns purposelessly instead of coming to bring Failcannon to an end.

 17th Galena, 520
A human caravan has--


Andreus rails, "Again! Again! Kobolds above, great flies beneath! A curse upon fate, that repeats the same story! Let there at least be a new doom, gods!"

I am too busy grabbing whatever weapons are at hand. The kobolds are inside the fortress.



 18th Galena, 520
Nat, our mayor, has finally moved from the depot corner where he has lain, gravely injured, since LordSlowpoke stabbed him when Frosty was still alive. Rest in peace, Nat -- you were the most undemanding mayor I've ever known.

Dariush, congratulations on becoming mayor! The kobolds fulfilled your first (unofficial) mandate for a whole bunch of arrows, largely in your spleen.

In addition to Nat, the kobolds brought down a recruit.

 21st Galena, 520
The kobolds drove off the humans, naturally. Annoyingly, they did so without bringing down a single pack animal.

It's time to seal the gates and lick our wounds. 25 dwarves remain; we cannot afford to lose any more dwarves working on the wall.

 23rd Galena, 520
The kobolds injured a half-dozen dwarves. I have created a team of dwarf therapists focused on medical work, only to discover that all my therapists were among the wounded. Fine: everyone's on hospital duty.

Flagro was possessed just before the battle. He produced a dull reward.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

 2nd Timber, 520
Massive medical efforts are paying off. Dariush is out of the hospital and repairing her dehydrated state.

 5th Timber, 520
And Oglokoog is out of the hospital. That leaves one therapist in the hospital, needing 4 splints.

In other news...
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

For the love of Lur, future overseers, don't open the lower caverns!

 8th Timber, 520
For the first time in my reign, I have an empty hospital.

Flagro and Felcis constitute the fortress military. I've sent them up onto the partial walls a few times now to take pot shots at roaming undead horses. Until more immigrants come, the surface beyond our walled beach is out of our reach.

 14th Timber, 520
Oglokoog has died from infection, after leaving the hospital in apparent good health. I've ordered the old hospital torn down and replaced.

Outside, I've heard there is a goblin ambush party. It's not my problem: I'm not letting anyone in or out, so they'll have to occupy themselves with skeletal groundhogs.

 19th Timber, 520
The dwarven caravan has arrived!
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The outpost liaison chose a wiser route; I let him in. I'm not bothering to open the door again. We'll have no more caravans this year.

 1st Moonstone, 520

I shouldn't be talking about brew/fight club, but Tyler, the head since Frosty died, decided to organize a party to celebrate everyone not being dead. She even invited those of us who have been dead. You should've seen Andreus and cappstv knock back the dwarven ale.

I'm glad we have farms again.

 17th Moonstone, 520
There are no more goblins above: a skeleton horse herd trampled the three remaining ambushers.

 19th Opal, 520
dragonshardz gave birth to a boy. I think she's my wife.



Hooray, I'm a father. Didn't I start out a woman?

Andreus tells me I'll get over the confusion.

 14th Obsidian, 520


Andreus, upon seeing the face veil, grew ecstatic. "This is it!" he yelled. "This is what I need!"

I pointed out that he wouldn't be able to wear it until he was a grown-up, and he headbutted me in the nuts. Ow.

I think he's working out the advantages of being sixteen inches tall.

 28th Obsidian, 520
Inevitably, a new goblin ambush emerged on the last day before I hand over leadership of the fort. There is a bow squad parked in the northwest corner of our territory. I don't see that there's much to be done, other than to hope the skeletal horses get them.

My time commanding Failcannon is at an end, and I leave the fort stable, but underpopulated. The hospital is empty, and there are no dwarves throwing tantrums. There are drinks and food; there are walls, doors, and bridges linked to levers.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The magma forges are operational, but there are not enough dwarves to run them efficiently.

One area I'm concerned about is the cavern breach I refer to as "F8". I noticed this late in my reign, and have partially replaced the up/down stairs with up stairs, preventing fliers from coming up them. The project is not complete, though. As one of their first orders, I strongly recommend the next overseer finish it, before one of the flying forgotten beasts comes in.



Finally, on the beach level, I have built a tree farm and begun work on a device I refer to as "Failcannon II".

Fear death by water

I believe any overseer worth his pick will know what needs done there.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

   I sat upon the shore
Fishing, with the arid plain behind me
Shall I at least set my lands in order?
« Last Edit: December 13, 2010, 05:42:34 pm by Glacial »
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