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[WanderingKid]

Not to mention the fact that the front entrance now looks like Boatmurdered. All that for one kobold who hadn't even managed to nick anything.

You never know.  We thought we saw an elephant in the strawberry bush.  Better to be safe.

[BenLubar]

Dear Uristmcfurniturehauler,

You can walk through the gap between the adjacent corners of two boxes with adjacent corners. You can carry a statue with you when you do that. Why can't you build a statue in a corner behind two other statues? This would seem to be a much larger gap, unless statues can exist in the same physical space - but not the one you're carrying.


Dear Uristmccleaner,

Did you just leave that bar of soap in a pile of blood and pus? That's gross.


Dear Uristmcstonesandbouldershaulingdwarf,

Why are you climbing down twenty flights of stairs to pick up boulders from the mines when there are boulders ten steps away from the stockpile in the mayor's new office waiting to be disposed of? That's impolite and inefficient.


Dear Uristmcguardcaptain,

You are jailing a six-time convicted murderer-vampire. Why are you giving her a reduced sentence? She has a plan to kill everyone she meets.

[SpazzyCat]

Dearest Urist McMechanic:

Please, please, please, make more mechanisms instead of aimlessly milling about. You are virtually drowning in rocks. Use them. The goblins will be arriving soon and I haven't even got a proper soldier, let alone militia, to defend the fortress with.

With love,

The Invisible Guiding Hand

[kibaseviltwin]

Dearest Urist McMechanic:

Please, please, please, make more mechanisms instead of aimlessly milling about. You are virtually drowning in rocks. Use them. The goblins will be arriving soon and I haven't even got a proper soldier, let alone militia, to defend the fortress with.

With love,

The Invisible Guiding Hand

Dear Mr. Hand
       
         im on me break
                                            sincerely,
                                                 Urist McMechanic

[SpazzyCat]

Dearest Urist McMechanic:

Please, please, please, make more mechanisms instead of aimlessly milling about. You are virtually drowning in rocks. Use them. The goblins will be arriving soon and I haven't even got a proper soldier, let alone militia, to defend the fortress with.

With love,

The Invisible Guiding Hand

Dear Mr. Hand
       
         im on me break
                                            sincerely,
                                                 Urist McMechanic

Dear Urist McMechanic

Good news! We've installed a special lever just for your gruesome death enjoyment as a reward for your slacking hard work! Please go to the brand new 1x5 tunnel in the mines, wait for Urist McWallbuilder to seal your fate make sure you have fun for a while, and pull the lever!

Yours,

The Invisible Guiding Hand

[Larix]

Seems that heeding your advice and making mechanisms after all was a bad choice - you know, it takes a mechanism to build a lever...
I'll make sure to warn all fortress citizens to disregard any missives by invisible guiding forces, which are clearly a demonic/goblin/elf influence trying to tear down our glorious dwarven civ by subverting our minds.

Yours sincerely,
Urist McMechanic

(I still wonder what you did wrong - when a dwarf's really failing to do their assigned job, it's always the overseer's fault. I'm not counting breaks and un-restrictable nonsense jobs like "store owned item" or "pasture large animal" - they're annoying but just take a bit of patience to wait out.)

[Nomad_Monad]

Dear Urist McCraftsdwarf,

The teeth of a forgotten beast are a rare find indeed.  Several of our brave hammerdwarves died to bring these to us.

That is why I ordered you to reserve them for decorating metal furniture.  I was referring to the Queen's newly forged golden throne, statues, and steel doors.  With the teeth of a horror of the depths adorning our halls, she would strike a menacing figure indeed.

I was not referring to the buckets.

The bucket brigade doesn't need to menace anyone with spikes of forgotten beast tooth.

Sincerely,
Urist McFacepalm

[fractalman]

Dear nomad,

But they such awesome buckets now! Besides, they'll help scare away the carp!
p.s. next time, if you insist on decorating something specific, tell me which stockpiles I'm allowed to take from rather than assuming I can read your mind through the computer screen!

-McCrafstdwarf.

[Lielac]

Dear mayor of Laborfords,

Spoiler: All right, you'll do. (click to show/hide)

You're still an ass and I don't give a rat's ass what you want for mandates, but 41 elves is not something to take lightly. I just hope you're replaced in the next election.

Sincerely,
Overseer Lielac

[IronTomato]

Dear NOBLE PIECE OF SHIT:

The trade caravan left last year and promised that they'd pay us well for our short swords. I made a lot of them, to equip our own, and to trade with, and they had all been painstakingly crafted from Beerfire's best iron and steel.

But alas, now that the trade caravan is almost here, you have decided that we shouldn't be able to give them our short swords.

Go to hell,
IronTomato

[CHR1SZ]

Dear dorfs,

It would appear my instructions were not clear enough. I meant for you to decorate the meeting hall with +engravings+, rather than dwarf blood and XXteethXX. I don't suppose the two sane peasants remaining could clear up this mess, could you?

Thanks,

Incompetent Overseer of Scribesalves

[AWellTrainedFerret]

Dear Urist McMalitiaDorf,

     I understand that the recent loss of you pet duck by having it's head severed, flying off in an arc, impaling your left hand, and getting lodged firmly in the wound must have been very traumatic...however for future reference when I explicitly mark both airlock doors into the danger room barracks as pet-forbidden, that means you shouldn't hold them open and let you pet duck follow you in.

                                                                                                                                                               Sincerely,
                                                                                                                                                               Your caring and benevolent Overseer

[blazing glory]

Dear NOBLE PIECE OF SHIT:

The trade caravan left last year and promised that they'd pay us well for our short swords. I made a lot of them, to equip our own, and to trade with, and they had all been painstakingly crafted from Beerfire's best iron and steel.

But alas, now that the trade caravan is almost here, you have decided that we shouldn't be able to give them our short swords.

Go to hell,
IronTomato

Urist mcnoble piece of shit cancels issue another mandate:suffered an Unfortunate accident

[Nopkar]

Dear Urist McMilitacaptain

You are our forts first and LAST line of defense. I understand that you've seen some gruesome things lately, especially that last lion attack that mauled the last migrant wave. You were particularly valiant in dispatching these monsters.

HOWEVER; This does not excuse you from putting every other member of the fortress under the scrutiny of your silver mace...have fun murdering defenseless women and children.

P.S...after you starve to death I'm reclaiming this fortress and leaving your grave unmarked and covered in lion feces...I hate you.

[WanderingKid]

Dear Undead,

Please stop pathing halfway into the trap and then sitting on the stairway for a few years.  Either hang around on the surface without trying to path in or get IN the grinder.  Stop being intelligently annoying because pathfinding suddenly gets confused for you.

-Overfiend.