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[klefenz]

Brave soldiers of Gorehollow: stop throwing yourselves to the pits! i hadnt noticed they had fallen there until i saw the miasma.

[ImagoDeo]

dear urist mcstrangemood make something useful like a sword next time

Dear *sob* Overseer,

I can't believe *tears* that you don't *gasp* like the toy boat I made. *whimper* *tearful voice* I MADE IT ESPECIALLY FOR YOU! *crying* IT MENACES WITH SPIKES OF CAVE SPIDER SILK! DON'T YOU LOVE ME? DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT MY BEAUTIFUL CREATION?

Sincerely *sniff*, Urist McStrangeMood

P.S. See if I ever make another artifact for YOU again, you... you... *sob* barbarian!

[RegalStar]

Dear Urist McJenkins:

There's a corridor of traps in front of you for a reason. Don't rush off the alternative path by yourself to get a shot at those goblins who could've been caged instead of whipping your skull in, and forcing all of us to rush in to try and save your ass too.

Sincerely, your still living (unlike you) comrades.

[gtaguy]

Dear Urist McDumbass,

Next time you wish to cave in while mining, please don't do it over the magma sea. Also, please don't have the pillar land against a candy tube and bust it open. The clowns can swim in magma, unlike you.

Your lord and overseer, Gtaguy.

[4maskwolf]

Dear kobolds of the area around Mirehole,

I hope you like the damn shinies you stole from us, looting the corpses of our dead. You know damn well we can't go outside, and you sneaky bastards stole all of it.

But in a way, I must thank you. Your tribesmen have been a source of endless amusement to us.  See, you may not have noticed, but those horses? They aren't alive anymore. They are, I suppose you could say, husks of their former selves. Which allows them to slaughter you all the more quickly while we sit atop our clearly visible fortifications and laugh.  So please, indulge yourselves in horse-attacking.

Sincerely,
Citizens of Mirehole

[pisskop]

Dear Mcfisherman;

  Congratulations on your acceptance into the Withheld Assault and Special Tactical EveryDwarf.  Not every dwarf can meet the requirementsof W.A.S.T.E.D.

That said, just because we lack tge specified armour for your . .   trope, dont strip naked and punch tge armoursmith charged with making said armour.  You are hereby selected to be an emmissary to tge mako sharks.  Your burrow is prepped.  Enjoy.

[Chevaleresse]

Dear Urist McMason,

Please do not construct walls in the only order that could possibly result in you being trapped inside them.

[wierd]

(Wow. I inadvertantly clicked page 1 instead of current page. Oops.)

(Instead, here is funny reply to recent post instead.)

To: King Murdoc, Overseer
RE: Build construction orders

Forgive my, dear leader, but I was only following the orders you so thoughtfully filed for me, in as close to the proscribed order that you presented to me as was dwarvenly possible for me

Surely his lordship knows that due to a quirk of the filing system, we do the jobs in the reverse order that they are submitted?

-- Urist McMason
(Trapped in the cistern)

[Chevaleresse]

Dear Urist McStonemason

Do not engage giant creatures by headbutting them or doing whatever the hell it was you did. RUN AWAY.

[Blastbeard]

Dear Urist,

Before we begin, I would like to thank you for choosing to immigrate to our remote outpost of MountainHole of Evil. This is no easy life, and your hard efforts will be remembered in the annals of our nation's history along with so many others.

With formalities aside, I am inquiring as to why you have not reported any missing property since the incident regarding an animated body part last week. I am of course referring to your man-- Er, dwarfhood.
...IT WAS A TUFT OF HAIR, URIST. ALL I HAD TO DO WAS TOSS IT IN A WOOD FURNACE AND THE THREAT WAS OVER.
I understand that Urist is normally a ladydwarf's name, and growing up with that may have been a blow to your masculinity, but cowardice like that cannot be tolerated. There's more hair under your arm than what I threw in that furnace, you were in  no danger of harm. If that's how you react to undead hair, how can I expect you to handle an entire animated creature? More importantly, what possessed you to migrate here, of all places, if you can't stand the sight of walking corpses?
So, please, on behalf the entire outpost, I implore you, GROW A SACK OR GO HOME.

Sincerely,
Overseer Blastbeard

[wierd]

That foul mouthed abomination, birthed from a goblin and a treehumper had the gall to tell me I didn't have the stones for it!

I wasn't about to prove him right, ya git!

--Urist McStonemason


To: Administrator Blastbeard
RE: Masculinity, hair, zombies, and Immigration

Sir! Please be civil! Urist is a perfectly gender neutral name, like Likod, or Ducim. Not some sissypants elf name like some other members of this fortress have! (You KNOW who they are!)

As for my reaction to seeing my own beard try to forcibly wrap itself around my own neck, and try to extinguish the very dwarf that had nurtured and cared for it since birth, it was simply too much all at once. A zombie goblin? No problem. Killing them a second time only doubles the pleasure. --but having to fight with something as intimate and trusted as my own skin like that? Never had I even imagined the like! 

As for why I immigrated here-- any stories you may have heard about me and the elven trade liason are complete lies, and I came here of my own free will to prove it! I was simply confiscating that spindly blonde strumpet's every last posession like I was instructed to. There is simply not a single shred of truth to the blatant lies about my being in any way indecent in such a fashion, and I certainly wasn't banished here for gross crimes against dwarve kind!

--Urist McMigrant

[GuesssWho]

Dear Urists McStupid:

Who the Hell decided to promote that Recruit to Axedwarf while he was berzerking?

[MrCompassionate]

Dear UristMc Marksdwarfsson

If you are so angry about being hungry, thirsty tired and smelly how about you go pay a visit to your legendary bedroom, legendary dining room legendary food made from forgotten beast meat and drink your legendary booze rather than sitting about in the F**king barracks taking out your idiotic rage on passer byers by smashing their teeth out with your shield?

Better yet don't make yourself so angry in the first place. You were only starving, thirsty and tired because you forgot how stairs work and just sat about like an idiot in a pit during a goblin invasion. Its a mercy the humans were there to distract the army while I sent the miners to dig you people out, speaking of which why WAS the entire archer regiment in there with you when I gave them expressed instructions to man the battlements?

PS: Good job with the forgotten beast horde though, that winged coral webslinger humanoid must have been a challenge.

[wierd]

MrCompassionate,

Did you remember to set my squad preferences to ALLOW me to sleep in my own room, and to allow me to go get food when on duty?

No?

Then who's fault is this again?

--Urist McMarksdwarfsson

[Koremu]

Dear Urist McGrateInstaller,

You will remember the clear and concise discussion on the dangers of working in the aquifer area, and why we decided to install grates above the drain hole to the lower level to prevent anyone from being washed down there by the flow. I am very pleased that you managed to install the grate without cancellation spam, and in doublequick time.

However, in constructing it with yourself beneath it, you have managed to provide the fortress with a graphic illustration of why stupidity and water don't mix.

Your eventual tomb will be constructed inside the aquifer, and will be allowed to remain naturally flooded for all eternity.

Requiescat In Pace,
Your perplexed overseer.