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[Lolfail0009]

And pretty much everything-except-demigod-avoid. Have !!FUN!!, Hugo!

[xana55]

Dear Axelord Mcsuperbadass

Congratulations on killing an entire goblin ambush single handed, receiving only two bruises in the process, and being promoted to the rank of lord in the span of about 12hours.

I will openly admit I expected you to die horribly when that ambush spawned around you, perhaps due to the fact that I was under the impression that you where just an engraver.

In closure enjoy a few legendary meals on me, take lots of breaks, and practice so you stay useful.

From,
The true athority

P.S. congratulations on the latest offspring. Hopefully he will one day be useful to the fortress.

[Urist McMontros]

Dear Mayor,

Although you are probably the most useless dwarf in the fortress, I can't help but cringe at the sight of you trying to pick up a bar of soap every 10 seconds and dropping it instantaneously.

I'm sorry to say that you've lost ability to grasp, friend. I know this is hard on you, but just GO TO THE GOD DAMNED HOSPITAL WHERE THEY WILL CLEAN YOUR BODY FOR YOU.

Thanks,
Administation.

[Wolfy]

Dear Urist Mcworthless.

I realize you are not a fighter, I know you dont have combat skills, but some of the "creatures" you run away form you could step on with your big toe alone, your CARYYIN we-peons, its not that hard to kill it is it?


Dear Urist Mcworthless's Cat

Your just as bad as him, you walked past it eight times! KILL IT thats what your there for, one more time and you both are going to find mosnters to REALLY be scared of

[EmeraldWind]

To the seven butchers of Inkblot,

Will one of you please butcher stuff before it rots. I mean there are seven of you and you only have one job assigned to each of you.

Please do not haul animals... all hauling labors on each of you have been disabled for years. Don't build buildings either. Don't drag the dead to there coffins. I don't know what I have to do to get you to do the job I actually want you to do, but please. Butcher the corpses before they rot please.

Your overseer,
EmeraldWind

[Mr Space Cat]

Dear Urist McMetalheads, the smiths of Worksavants,

 I'm fully aware there is no charcoal at the moment, if I didn't know it before then i certainly know it now after the seventy trillion pages of "Urist McMetalhead cancels bang head against anvils: no fuel" Shaddup and wait for the timberyard to finish being built. We need it for making scrap wood for burning for charcoal for fuel.

Just chill for a while, jeez.

[daishi5]

Dear animal handlers, (thats all of you)

I know it seems a little crazy that I ordered you to shove fifty war cave crocodiles in a single cage, but I have my reasons.  I have been assured that if you press hard they will fit beside the war wolves and badgers already in the cage, use a warhammer if you need to in order to close the top. 

Unfortunately, some of you decided to move too slowly,  eight batches of cave crocodile hatchlings were born.  The only reason we will survive your blunder that has filled our fort with crocodiles, is that all four hundred were born tame.  however, for the foreseeable future all jobs are canceled except butchering crocodile hatchlings.

[Eric Blank]

Dear Overseer

But, cave crocodile hatchlings are so adorable! :3

Sincerely, animal handlers union

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear miners:
That is a site of an experimental aquifer-draining-into-a-river procedure.
It is not your Slip-N-Slide.
Please dig better. I want legendary miners, not legendary swimmers.
Sincerely,
GWG
Ovrsr.

[Volfgarix]

 Dear sworddwarf:
Can you say, why you refuse to wear normal cloth as I ordered? Without it you are only in helm, shield and sword!. When I remove you from military, then you normally wear clothes. Can you explain it!?

Sincerely,
 Volfgarix, The Overseer

[Eric Blank]

Dear Volfgarix:

Did you accidentally trigger the "replace clothing" option? That means that they'll throw their clothes off and runa round in greaves and chain mail with zero padding. Rather uncomfortable if you ask me. Other than that I have no suggestions.

Sincerely,
Eric.

[Volfgarix]

Dear Volfgarix:

Did you accidentally trigger the "replace clothing" option? That means that they'll throw their clothes off and runa round in greaves and chain mail with zero padding. Rather uncomfortable if you ask me. Other than that I have no suggestions.

Sincerely,
Eric.

Of course I used it, because that shithead refused to wear helmet, because he had a cap and hood! But he can't wear his normal clothes when I ordered it in his EQ list...

[Splint]

I find making sure things are set to exact matches prompts them to toss their shoes and caps in favor of their military issue helmets and boots. But then I also tend to issue full uniforms to go under the metal plating and mail so....

[Eric Blank]

Try forbidding his cap; hoods can be worn over/under helms or caps, but helms and caps are both [SHAPED] objects, and only one such item may be worn on a given body part at a given time.

[Volfgarix]

Try forbidding his cap; hoods can be worn over/under helms or caps, but helms and caps are both [SHAPED] objects, and only one such item may be worn on a given body part at a given time.

I tried it now, it doesn't work, he still have that dammit cap on his stupid head.
I must specify, what kind of material are clothes made of to make him wear it... Well, I must wait for first caravan and buy a lot leather for armors...