Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[jesternario]

Dear Urist McMinerdorf

When you've been instructed to not haul anything, please don't run off to haul some random junk that has been laid in the @$$ end of the map when you have you're halfway through digging something.

[Doctor_Whiteface]

To: Urist McRanger
From: Fortress Administration
RE: Strange Mood

We, the little voices in the heads of all dwarves in Pulleysweltered Hamlet, would like to thank you for having a Strange Mood the moment you walked onto the map with the 26 other immigrants in our third wave. Your 6000-Uristbuck bone pendant is truly inspirational and will bring in a good deal of seeds come the next caravan. However, we would like to know why you thought it was a good idea to use our last piece of Obsidian to decorate it when 1. we have no readily-available source of it and 2. that was going to be used to complete the fortifications atop the Founders' Tower.

[Kaleb702 Games]

To: Troll Urist McFarmer
From: Beforan Fortress Administration
Subject: Dehydration

Heretofore you were considered an excellent farmer -- then suddenly you stopped producing any plants to turn into drinks, so when the river froze 20 of our numbers (read: 5/6ths of our population) died and had to be buried before their ghosts could haunt us. By Empress decree, you are to be punished highly for your lack of concern for trolls' lives.

We hope you dehydrate,
Beforan Fortress Administration

P.S. thank the miners for finding an underground water source, even if there is a chance a cave creature should kill you.

((Fortbent 4.))

[weenog]

Dear Urist McFarmer,
We're all truly saddened by your untimely and hideous demise.  Dehydration is such a slow and painful way to go.  I admit I wasn't looking for dwarves stranded atop the outer wall, but then there has never been any sort of ramp, stair, or other access path to that surface.  Somehow, you and your baby found a way up there.  How the fuck did you manage that?

Your baffled Overseer.

[Mr Space Cat]

Dear baffled overseer,
The baby dared me to do it.

Sincerely, Urist McFarmer
------------------------------------------
Dear sporeman,

Your spores are getting all over the walls, it's making us all sneeze and vomit and someone even died. GTFO

-A petition signed by all 11 Urists of Worksavants.

[Wolfy]

Dear Urist mcbabydwarf
Grow up already or GTFO. that goes for you to mcbabydwarf 2-2000

[Silent_Thunder]

Dear Urist McHogan
     Just.. Wow. Did you have to rip that kobold's head off with your bare hands. I mean. As soon as it saw you it started running, but.. you just... oh god.

Anyway, the real reason I am telling you this was more of the question of why the kobol when your fellow military dwarfs were DEALING WITH THE GIANT DINGOS INSIDE THE FORT

Sincerly,
The Overseer

[Coalwalker]

Dear legendary presser migrant #2947:

*Coalwalker looses a roaring laughter, fell and terrible!*

[Greiger]

To Swordswoman, position #3

That was very brave of you to fight that ambush by yourself so that the hunters could get inside the fortress.  You were just out there to collect some wood, and you saved the lives of your fellows.

Also, I congratulate you on surviving the ordeal, that martial trance did amazing things, 2 dead orcs, and 3 with moderate wounds.  Bravo, on doing so much damage and holding out til the rest of your squad got there.  After the doctors finish stitching you up, you will find that you and your husband have earned the honor of a personal room with a nest box.  As you know, a rare honor reserved for only distinguished members of the fortress.  (just because it's such a PITA to micromanage egg layer fortress race breeding)

However, I would like to point out that all the hunters (yes including your husband until he reaches master crossbowman status) are basically expendable, a trained soldier such as yourself is not.  Please show more discretion in the future.

-The Administration

[Tenth Speed Writer]

Dear Urist McWouldbeSpearDwarf,

I don't know what compelled you to charge the enraged giraffe without your lovingly made masterwork spear.

Nor do I know why, in the process of fighting it, you chose to punch and wrestle every single tooth out of its head.

Nor do I understand how exactly you ultimately reached -- much less strangled -- its neck, having a diameter wider than you are tall.

That said, welcome to your new Grand Bedroom.



Sincerely,

Tenth McSpeedWriter

[Kaitlyn]

Dear Gray McLangur,

Why did you feel the need to steal a wheelbarrow? I'll have you know that at time of writing we are enslaving any of your kind that wind up in our cage traps. If they don't wind up in the cage traps, they will wind up in the weapon traps.

From, the Wheatcraze Animal Trainer and Butcher's Guild

Dear Immigrants,

I understand wanting to join the Flowery Affliction at our outpost in the Hill of Roars. We are in an important location for the Portal of Doors' continued operations in this region and I hope you all realize what important work we're doing. However, as Overseer of this fine fortress, I wish to know why so many of you suddenly decide to leave your homes and head out into the frontier on the border of Goblin territory. On several occasions upwards of twenty individuals have arrived here seeking purpose. We simply don't need this much dwarfpower. Throughout your stay here, keep in mind that those of you that came in larger groups will likely receive more menial tasks and overall be of less priority. If you prove yourself to be an asset then your accommodations shall be made appropriately more pleasant. If not, everything you hold dear is forfeit.

Sincerely,
Kaitlyn Obscurelancer, Overseer

 

[WillowLuman]

Dear mod creatures,

All of you, please identify yourselves. I'm having trouble telling which of you came from where, or even distinguishing you from the normal denizens of this universe. All of the modded things you do are causing a real disruption to my already strained efforts to get some organization around here.

Dear Daleks,

Stop coming. The High Prawnmen don't like you.

Dear High Prawnmen,

Kindly keep away from my water supply when chased by spawn.

Dear Spawn thingies,

You're interrupting the superhero caravan. Also, why you no die to serrated discs?

Dear Supes,

stop spraying webs in my halls, stop throwing fire, in fact, just send your animals in, we promise we won't steal anything.

Dear Greater Badgermen,

Where the hell did you even come from? And will you stop goading the supes into releasing their fun?

Dear kittens

WHY ARE YOU ON FIRE? Why are migrants risking carrying you all the way to my fort!? I have falcons, go away, you're tainted!

Dear Zolok Cograthumz, Swamp Titan

You stay out of this!

Dear HFS

How much is rent?

[Lolfail0009]

Dear HFS

How much is rent?

This is sig worthy.

[Wolfy]

Dear mod creatures,


Dear Greater Badgermen,

Where the hell did you even come from? And will you stop goading the supes into releasing their fun?

I got that in masterdwarf if it means anything

[Splint]

@ HugoLuman - What spawn are these? if they're the ones I'm thinking of, they are trapavoid.