Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[TheZoomZoll]

Is he Irish?

[Omeganaut]

Dear Urists,

Why did I have to discover you the week before Finals.  Now my life is a wreck and I don't know if I can muster the willpower to study instead of spend time with you.  My girlfriend has been tantruming, and I keep getting secretive moods based around crafting a new fort.  Get out of my head, and go play in the magma with the goblins.  Wait a second.....

Signed, Omeganaut cancels Post Reply, taken by secretive mood.

[RickiusMaximus]

Dear Urists,

Why did I have to discover you the week before Finals.  Now my life is a wreck and I don't know if I can muster the willpower to study instead of spend time with you.  My girlfriend has been tantruming, and I keep getting secretive moods based around crafting a new fort.  Get out of my head, and go play in the magma with the goblins.  Wait a second.....

Signed, Omeganaut cancels Post Reply, taken by secretive mood.

Hahaha, awesome!

[Urdothor]

Dear Fortress,
Your overseer would like to point out all your stupidity and flaws interesting characteristics so you may improve yourself and stop the creation of fun. First off we'd like to speak to you Urist McBrewer. We'd like to congratulate you on reaching the legendary status in brewing. We do however have one problem with you work, you seem to find it necessary to drink all the alcoholic beverages you've just made before they can even be transported for the others to enjoy. Now we understand wanting a good drink now and then, but your stupidity need to drink all the drink in the fortress is not only making the rest of the population unhappy, but is also delaying the production of drink. We advise you to rethink your ways before being introduced to the forgotten beast death pit fun zone.
    Next we would like to talk to all of you in general for a second. We seem to have an issue with you sleeping on hospital beds that not only are needed for the injured, but are also so far from your work that nothing gets done. We'd like to take the opportunity to add that the next non-injured dwarf found in a hospital bed will join McBrewer in the fun pit.
    Now we'd like to speak to Urist McjackassNoble, I'm sure you find it quite funny to ban the exportation of gem encrusted things after we use all our cut gems for the purpose of trading them, but you causing our legendary glass cutter to be executed is quite funny. I suggest when you get back to your room that you pull the shiny lever.
    Urist McMiner, we find that you going to eat and drink is fine, as everyone needs to right. But you seem to love to wait until we need something mined out. Something important, for example, THE FARM ROOM, as our only source of food at this point being outdoor plants. Now you could kindly get to work or you might find yourself conversing with the pit monster of forgotten beast and find yourself replaced by Urist McForiegnMigrant or by Urist McVampire, both of which are cheaper and can replace you.

Sincerely,
Your overlord and supreme decider of your fate

[Eric Blank]

Dear Urist McWerewolf

You are a werewolf. You are expected to runa round berserking and gnawing on peoples' arms. Do so, before we turn you into a ☼werewolf leather coat☼

Sincerely, management.

[Akura]

Dear Masons,
  You have open space in all eight directions around that one tile of wall you are supposed to build. Why are you still standing on that wall tile when you try to build it?! In fact, you're doing it in two seperate spots. Those towers need to be finished at some point.

Plotting your deaths,
Overseer.

[TheZoomZoll]

Don't question Urist McArchitect's architecture!

[Doctor_Whiteface]

To: Mining Squad 2
From: Fortress Management
RE: Excavation of Level 5 dining hall

We appreciate that there are areas that need to be walled off, drinks that need to be brewed, and all manner of other things to be done, but the 185-dorf-strong population is getting tired of the tiny dining hall that they've made do with since the initial embark, and if you could get around to digging the expansion before we lava-chute the lot of you that'd be just grand.

Actually, if anyone in the whole fort could do any digging whatsoever we'd be grateful. There's designations that've sat undone for two years now.

[Smashness]

Dear Urist McEngraver,

Circles are wonderful shapes, they really are. Circles sorta become less wonderful when that's ALL YOU ENGRAVE. Stop engraving random shapes near the slaughterhouse, the kids think it's a school.

[Urdothor]

I have a question Urist McMigrants,
Why do all the fisherdwarves in the land come when I have either no fish or no water period aside from underground, yet when I have a river that's up to the elbows in fish you all decide it's more fun to make cheese.

[Langolier]

Dear Mrs. Axedwarfette

You are a strong woman. You are the best warrior in the fort, and have no less than two forgotten beasts among the twelve other kills on your list. I know how it goes with females and armor, but it would really be nice if you wore something more than gauntlets and a troll fur loincloth. There are children about

[TheZoomZoll]

Dear Mrs. Axedwarfette

You are a strong woman. You are the best warrior in the fort, and have no less than two forgotten beasts among the twelve other kills on your list. I know how it goes with females and armor, but it would really be nice if you wore something more than gauntlets and a troll fur loincloth. There are children about

You know what the sad thing is?There is no genitalia because dwarves use spores to mate...........Sorry I ruined that for you.

[Eric Blank]

Unless you modded the game, and added genitalia. Or use a mod that does so.

[TheZoomZoll]

Unless you modded the game, and added genitalia. Or use a mod that does so.

That too.But default is just blank.

Dem spores ey?

[Splint]

Clearly the humor is lost on some (who probably ignored it in the first place )