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[Callista]

Sounds like you need to send your Duke on an unplanned trip to the HFS...

Naw, just break his limbs repeatedly to use up some of those extra splints.

[Andreus]

Sounds like you need to send your Duke on an unplanned trip to the HFS...

If I could afford to do that I already would have. However, he's otherwise one of the useful nobles, who actually acts as my manager, trader and record keeper, having Legendary skill in Appraising and Organising, and Adept skill in Bookkeeping.

[Loud Whispers]

Sounds like you need to send your Duke on an unplanned trip to the HFS...

If I could afford to do that I already would have. However, he's otherwise one of the useful nobles, who actually acts as my manager, trader and record keeper, having Legendary skill in Appraising and Organising, and Adept skill in Bookkeeping.

Then it's a good thing those three train quickly then

[Andreus]

Then it's a good thing those three train quickly then

I also want to keep him around because of this.

[Lagslayer]

Then it's a good thing those three train quickly then

I also want to keep him around because of this.

The best part of the game is the forums. You get countless tales of hysteria, triumph, despair, and pure awesome completely contained within the game world. Then there's the !!science!! nuts, bringing much of the same joy by doing the exact opposite thing.

[Loud Whispers]

Then it's a good thing those three train quickly then

I also want to keep him around because of this.

The best part of the game is the forums. You get countless tales of hysteria, triumph, despair, and pure awesome completely contained within the game world. Then there's the !!science!! nuts, bringing much of the same joy by doing the exact opposite thing.

Or both

[Deus Machina]

Dear resident rutherers of Oiledreign,
  What is up with you guys? You barge in the door when we breach the caravans, then just run in circles around the plug we're cutting to pass the cavern lake. Attack any dwarves that pass until one swings a pick, then go all Benny Hill. Basically, just disrupting productivity. Enjoy your spot there, you're dead soon.

Dear miners,
  The rutherers are three levels down and beneath hatches in any direction they can come up to you. Just channel, please.

Dear residents,
  Just because the rutherers (and eight dwarves) are dead does not mean this is the new meeting place. Why are you all taking your breaks on top of the plug with brief jaunts directly below? You know we have to drop this to get to any magma or better metals than copper that might be deeper. Get out of the way.
  There. Now, while they're gone, Urist, cut the support. No, not from on top of the plug. Cancel, move down there. Try ag--no, not from there. Tell you what, I'm going to put a wall there in a moment. Don't... why are you still trying it from that side? I told you I'm going to put a wall there. The other side has a lot more open space. Stop. Let's try ag--
  Oh for Armok's sake, you have everywhere else to take a break, why do a dozen of you bastards come here?
  Fine. Screw it. Hit it, Urist.
   

--The Over... you don't even care. The hell with you all.

PS: How did you guys instantly learn to swim? Let's see who survived... The cheese and potash makers and waxworker. Great...


Dear Survivors of the Plug Drop of 127,
  Good news, everyone! Here's some picks, you guys are now in charge of the Lake Plugging, Magma Breaching, and Trash Compacting task force!

[IamanElfCollaborator]

Dear surviving kobolds, gobbos and dorfs of Dirgefurnace,
   Stop complaining about the damned corpses and get back to work. I don't care if there are ghosts, GET BACK TO WORK!
Also, don't forget to pull the magma lever. Yes, the lever connected to the resevoir blocked by a wood wall right in front of the duke's room.

[Jake]

To: Duke Onul Itonottan
From: The Management

We now quite literally have enough splints that if every dwarf in the fortress were to break all four limbs at once, we'd have enough splints to set all of them.

STOP MANDATING THEIR CONSTRUCTION.

Sounds like you need to send your Duke on an unplanned trip to the HFS...

That runs the risk of a replacement who mandates items made out of aluminium or Spotted Wobegong Leather or something; at least splints are easy to make. And I've found that the easiest way to keep nobles from mandating things is to stick some artefact furniture in their bedroom.

[IamanElfCollaborator]

I can think of an easier way. It involves a pair of caged goblins.

[ledgekindred]

To: Dastot Zaledkeskal, Dutchess,

You are a Legendary Weaponsmith.  Once in a while you ask that we make some high boots, which our military appreciates, so thanks for that.  You occasionally feel like banning exports of things we don't have or wouldn't want to get rid of anyway, like those high boots we just made.  You happily haul stuff and clean up the fort.  You are also not averse to dragging an armed, armored goblin to chuck it down the pit into the barracks for "military training exercises."

Please report to your luxuriously-appointed bedroom, complete with masterwork, gold furniture and enjoy your continued existence as the most laid-back, easygoing noble I have ever had in my multitude of forts.  (And I've done my best to ensure that there are no oysters in your room, as you apparently detest them.)

I also notice you are an "Expert Comedian."  That explains a lot.

Yrs
Bemused Overseer

[jamesadelong]

To: Dastot Zaledkeskal, Dutchess,

You are a Legendary Weaponsmith.  Once in a while you ask that we make some high boots, which our military appreciates, so thanks for that.  You occasionally feel like banning exports of things we don't have or wouldn't want to get rid of anyway, like those high boots we just made.  You happily haul stuff and clean up the fort.  You are also not averse to dragging an armed, armored goblin to chuck it down the pit into the barracks for "military training exercises."

Please report to your luxuriously-appointed bedroom, complete with masterwork, gold furniture and enjoy your continued existence as the most laid-back, easygoing noble I have ever had in my multitude of forts.  (And I've done my best to ensure that there are no oysters in your room, as you apparently detest them.)

I also notice you are an "Expert Comedian."  That explains a lot.

Yrs
Bemused Overseer

Must be hard work ensuring those oysters don't invade.

[Deus Machina]

Dear Urists McRecruits,

Please take a hint from your militia commander.

"Urist McCommander has grown attached to a copper morningstar!" Hey, awesome, good choice. Fine by me. I'll even promise to decorate your room's furnishings with the bits of goblin skull you leave behind.

Great choice. Best choice of the scant few greenie weapons, and the ones we traded for are mostly junk. I never even buy any weapons from the elves, and they haven't managed to get killed by any of the ambu--

"Urist McRucruit has grown attached to an Oaken long sword!" ...Where did you even get that?

[Vorthon]

Dear Ber Olinkol,

   I know it must be traumatic being the last survivor of that rash of Lyroaka ambushes, but do you really have to go on break now? It really seems like your survival now depends on you building up your defenses until the next caravan arrives. Seriously, I doubt picking up a pick is reason enough to go on break.

Sincerely, your mildly annoyed overseer

(Was playing the direforged mod and forgot to set up defenses. There was so much carnage.)

[jaxy15]

Dear Urist McMiner,

There's a troll beating the hell out of a carpenter while you're near a well.
What do you do? Just stand there.
You are now dead.

Sincerely, the overseer.