Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[duckInferno]

Dear Urist McEverydorf,

Yes:

Code: [Select]

           #safety#
           #      #
           #      #
           #      #
           #   ^  #
############   |  ############
               |
               d       g
No:

Code: [Select]

           #safety#
           #      #
           #      #
           #      #
           #      #
############      ############
               
       <------ d       g

[proxn_punkd]

Dear Domas itdunmorul,

There's a reason every other miner is Legendary and you are not. You arrived at the same time as Avuz ingizutstuth, who is also now Legendary...

... because for some reason whenever I designate an area for YOU to dig, SHE'S the one who ends up doing it. You just seem to end up in the booze hall.

Amazed you've made Grand Master, with all the work you've been doing,

the Proxian

[randompeep]

Dear Spring-time migrants,

I want to know what in the hells you thought was out here. We just set up a year ago, and the only things we've traded so far are some mugs. (oh wait) We don't even have a truly adequate supply of food, yet 22 of you decided that here would be a nice place to live. Don't be surprised if you have no work for years.

[Deus Machina]

Dear Urist McRecurringName

You seem to have followed me from my last fort. Though I'm pretty sure I saw you in the dining hall (and the bedrooms, and the entry hall, and the food storage) when the forgotten beast tore through all six dozen of you like a scythe through so much wheat.

I know it looked like a bunny, but its ribs were on the outside. That should be a clue.

I'm glad to hear that you have such faith in me. And that you seem to have retained your stonecrafting ability.

I'm also glad we have a different crop of stones here. Why did you think rock salt mugs were such a great idea?

-Your still confused overseer.


Dear Urist McMechanic,

I can't forbid the rhyolite outright because the stonecrafters need an otherwise useless stone. However, I have forbidden all the rhyolite on your floor and surrounded you and your shop with alunite. You're tripping over the stuff.

So why do you run up three Z-levels or down four and risk the currently flooding farms, when we need mechanisms that can actually get our magma chambers filling?

Wait too much longer, and I'm just going to fill your shop with alunite and lock you in. You'll make the right mechanisms or starve.

-Your increasingly annoyed overseer.

[dragonshardz]

Use burrows to limit him to only being able to use the alunite. That way you can let him out eat and drink when necessary without worrying about corralling him again.

[Shootandrun]

Dear Urist McFisherman.

Sorry 'bout you being attacked by the werewolf. If it can make you happy, our haulers have found one of your eyes and are bringing it to your tomb, with the two arms, one of the ears and the left foot!

[Musashi]

Dear Urists McOnlyOneSkillAndIt'sNotAnUsefulOne,

I don't know which rotting creature exactly has caused three of your fellow citizens's feet to decay at the speed of light, but could you guys please pick it up in the refuse stockpile and hold it for approximately one minute with both hands (or feet, or mouth, or whatever you please, your call)?
Thanks.

Your Overseer.

P.S.: for what's worth, the only hint I have is a crundle's right upper leg, but feel free to experiment with the Forgotten Beasts, as I swear every single one of them was venomous in its own way.
P.P.S.: you can thank me for having the foresight of placing the commoners' cemetery right next to the main hospital.


EDIT:
Every one of you who has made an artifact, is legendary in at least one skill, and has enough of them to be guaranteed some kind of job every day at the fortress,

you are exempt from the aforementioned suggestion.
No, seriously. Stay the fuck away from that stockpile. There, it doesn't exist anymore (nor your feet and what little life you had, but hey, nobody's perfect). And for good measure, I'm also restricting the area. Don't touch it. Don't look at it. Don't even think about doing it. Don't even think about NOT doing it.

If any of you cause a tantrum spiral because you managed to have a family or a friend, I swear I'm reclaiming the fort just to finish the magma system and flood the whole goddamn thing. Your coffins are NOT magma-safe, just so you know.

Love,

Your Overseer.

[pixl97]

Dear McLeverPuller

I asked you to pull the lever again and again till I told you to stop. Not to pull the lever once and then take a break. Since you were a long way away from the action you failed to notice that Mr McMiner opened a new breach in the caverns to let in the collection of forgotten beasts that were building up. To meet said beasties was a hallway filled with many steel spikes attached to the lever you were pulling. Now instead of said beasts being turned in to hamburger, they walked past a well designed hallway. Luckily my military backup of 30 well trained dwarves cut the first two to bits pretty easy. It was the last critter that breathed deadly dust. After he was dispatched 27 out of the 30 fine soldiers melted quickly. Three remain in a state of good that is something like a plump helmet. A lot of dogs melted too. Everyone is very unhappy about this. If only I remembered your name.

[Zidane]

Urist McEngraver



Good job with those engravings, I really do like how you keep engraving Wasp demons, and only wasp demons.

If you want to talk about it, the other dwarfs are there... But please stop engraving them in the pediatric section, you are scaring the children.

[proxn_punkd]

Dear Urist McPossessed,

THERE ARE NO SHELLS.

Nice job screwing yourself over, I guess.

[Uzu Bash]

Dear Tigerman,

So you're locked in with nothing but warm sand to sleep on and a mountain of forgotten beast meat. I thought for a minute that you were smarter than the dwarves. But you're actually pawing at the gate? "I don't like a warm bed and more food than I can eat, let me out!"

Okay, you get to go free, as free as anyone can be with the rest of the hazards around. Happy now?

[Naes Draw]

Dear Urist McEngraver

As much as I love the numerous fine engravings of a sleepless Naes Draw, and I do, (you little suck up), also engraving 20 copies of the same bronze colossus killing the same dwarf in a bloody fashion on my greatroom floor is not what I had in mind when I designated it for decoration. It is a very anti-dwarven message to present to visitors.
As punishment, I will allow the children of the fortress to decorate YOUR quarters.

Yours,
-Naes Draw

[Nyxalinth]

Dear Dwarves

I'm sorry guys, I should have set up defenses and the military sooner.  That cyclops really did a number on you.  that said, you and the war animals did fight a good fight before going down for the count.  Good work, lads.

[Greiger]

Dear Kobolds.

I don't hate you.  I really don't.  When ever I catch one of you in the cage traps that are occasionally scattered around for arena fodder I let you go free.   You aren't doing any harm, and as long as the dogs are around you stay out of the gate which is where you belong.

One of your item liberators had discovered a group of goblins sneaking their way to my fortress.  The kobold had managed to escape with some minor wounds, and had managed to inflict a good wound on one of the goblins as well of breaking their ambush before it could do harm.

I propose an alliance, you break ambush parties up for me, as that one kobold has done, and I'll make sure some choice items are left of the field to be collected at your leisure.  Instead of the usual atom smash everything not metal treatment.

I hope to see you next season.

The administration of SmoulderCrater

[Naes Draw]

Dear Kobolds.

I don't hate you.  I really don't.  When ever I catch one of you in the cage traps that are occasionally scattered around for arena fodder I let you go free.   You aren't doing any harm, and as long as the dogs are around you stay out of the gate which is where you belong.

One of your item liberators had discovered a group of goblins sneaking their way to my fortress.  The kobold had managed to escape with some minor wounds, and had managed to inflict a good wound on one of the goblins as well of breaking their ambush before it could do harm.

I propose an alliance, you break ambush parties up for me, as that one kobold has done, and I'll make sure some choice items are left of the field to be collected at your leisure.  Instead of the usual atom smash everything not metal treatment.

I hope to see you next season.

The administration of SmoulderCrater

I wish. Toady, are you listening?