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[Deus Machina]

Ah, so you can specify materials for the sheriff, too. For some reason I thought it was just the military dwarves. Will he drop the one he has if I tell him to grab the copper one?

To prevent further grumblings, I've finally set up dwarf wash troughs going into the dining room and hospital. Once those get crudded up with FB goo, do I need a way to flush them, or does FB nast not affect dwarves if it's diluted?

[jaxy15]

Dear military,

Stop fucking letting everyone die by attacking the clowns ALONE.
Get some common sense, you fucking bastards.

[Deus Machina]

Dear OokEekAhAh McRhesusMacaque,

AAAAGH! For Armok's sake, we just dug in and disassembled the wagon, when you swing in from off the edge of our territory and made a beeline for the pile and grabbed everything you could without even slowing down.

I'm glad that five of the dozen of you stopped to take a drink or smell flowers or something, and found our military caving your skulls in with crossbows. I just wish it had been the one that somehow managed to drag our anvil away.

Setting up traps for your next attempt,
the overseer of Hollowmirrored.

Seriously, I'm absolutely certain we brought an anvil.

[MasterMorality]

All Borioth:

You're interrupted by a Goblin. A Goblin lying outside the fort, while you are at very least, behind rows of cage traps, behind a couple of drawbridges and wall and several floors underground. You are also guarded by a fairly competent military.

Most importantly? That goblin is lying in a pool of it's own blood, covered in large wounds, and passed out from pain. If it could even pick it's spear up, it would be impressive. As it is, you don't have to be scared of it. There is no way it will survive for much longer. If it does, I will be impressed. Either way, I'm not drafting the military to kill a single, mostly-dead Goblin.

Also: We have a boat lod of eggs. We also have an untold number of seds. Why don't you cook and eat those?
Butchers, get to butchering the designated animals. Cooks - DO YOUR SODDING JOBS. We might survive this yet.

Yours sincerely,
The Overlord.

[Duntada Man]

Dear Urist McBloodpuddle,

I apologize profusely for your accidental and grizzly death... as well as the 30 other dwarves in the mess hall that died before the military could get its act together and put an end to the shenanigans.

When I told you to move "Racon Vadist, the Hydra of Raping" I though I was asking you to move the "Raccoon" to the slaughtering pits. The names are very similar I understand, so you can see my mistake in assigning this.

I can not quite understand your mistake however. You should have noticed that while racoons are small and fuzzy, have little bandits masks on their one and only head, hydra have many rows of teeth on their many many heads. They are also huge, and have scales. You can see a fundamental difference there that is not quite displayed by text. If you can pause the game and warn me I am digging into a wet tile because there is a river above you, why can't you pause the game and inform me that racoons are suddenly larger than we remember?

Sincerely,
Aspect of Armok: Accidental Destruction.

[TheeBaconman]

Dear Urist/Urist/Urist/U Urists,

I know I left you dwarves to do your jobs by yourself. Armok required some sustenance beyond your understanding. But how above the clown cars did you not handle the troglodyte problem that materialized!!

Some of you were in the military!! Trained in the room of spears!!! Ya'll keep telling me about the useless children you have, but you don't freeze frames with the beard powers I have provided you for getting chased by monsters!!!!

I know I made the stairs go straight up to the arteries of your home. However I also expected you to.. well I don't know.. HIT SOMETHING for my sake! I have reworked the system so troglodytes shouldn't sneak up on you again. You, thirty or so, running elves you. You have been warned, the next time you think you can run away without injury I will work my magic to crush your moods.

With magma, Armok

*later*

Dear, underground defense unit.

To the wrestler, great job getting strangled by that troglodyte. You left the novices all alone. You wrestlers are not to be left alone on guard duty.

Also, to you all, your performance is lacking. How did they get around you? Your beds are a few steps away from the stairs!

With despisation, Armok

[Lielac]

From: Overseer Lielac
To: Holdcraft In General
Re: Those goddamn PUPPIES!
Kill them all. We needs food. All those free, please create a few new butcher's shops and help ease the workload.

[Niccolo]

Dear Urist McHaulers:

Look, I know you want beds. But you idiots have rocks in the bedrooms. If you'd kindly move those Goddamn rocks, you'd have space to build the bloody things. And you, Urist Mcmayor! Stop getting distracted by picking bloody plants! We DON'T NEED MORE PLANTS WE NEED YOU TO MOVE FUCKING ROCKS.

Sincerely,
The guy who controls the magma. Hint.

[Sidhien]

To the Stone Haulers of Nobledye,

We have a designated dormitory for a reason. Please learn from Urist's example and do not sleep under the atom smasher.

Thank you.

[Necro910]

To the Stone Haulers of Nobledye,

We have a designated dormitory for a reason. Please learn from Urist's example and do not sleep under the atom smasher.

Thank you.

LOL.

That right there, is win. "Ugh, too tired. I'm gonna go sleep on this nice bed of dead vermin. OH DEAR ARMO-"

Urist has been crushed.

[snoopychicken]

Dear Mountainhome,
Whilst we have a pretty relaxed attitude to immigration we would appreciate it if you could send less potash/cheesemakers. We wouldn't mind but we don't need potash and don't even have a dairy industry. Maybe you could think about sending a few more smiths or soldiers? Perhaps when our citizens aren't getting slaughtered by Goblins due to lack of military personnel/armour/weapons we can think about making a good bit of cheddar.

Yours faithfully,
Citizens of TestedHelms

[Justiceface]

Dear WeaponLords,

It has become irritatingly evident to me that you are a bunch of lazy good-for-nothings when not wielding your precious slaughtering devices.  If there's no military action to be had, the lot of you slack off and decide to do absolutely nothing.  When there were only ten or so of you doing this, I could handle it.  Now that the population of the fortress has cracked one hundred, I cannot bring myself to manually reassign each and every one of your civilian tasks myself.  Please stop acting like such morons before I station you under the drawbridge and smash you all into little bits.  I've never actually seen a tantrum spiral, you know...

Signed,

Your Cranky Overlord, Controller of the Atom Smashers

[evileeyore]

Dear Faithful Citizens of TestedHelms,

Thank you for your corespondence.  We absolutely love to hear from our benighted country brethren.

Now as to your issues:

"...we would appreciate it if you could send less potash/cheesemakers. We wouldn't mind but we don't need potash and don't even have a dairy industry."

Neither do we.  Those deluded sots have no value in our beloved mountianhome, and we aren't even sure whom is training them!  We believe it be the Elves!  Dirty terrorist scoundrels!

Regardless, as those Dwarves have highly placed family members and Guild Representation, we cannot just deal with them as one would a XXPigtail SockXX.  So we are forced to send them out into the world to [-]be killed in your lava death trap[/-] earn their place.

"Maybe you could think about sending a few more smiths or soldiers?"

Yes.  We hear that an awful lot.  Unfortunately being the High Seat of Dwarven Industry we are besieged most ferociously.  Should the Goblins, Elves, Humans, Forgotten Beasts, and Clowns ever let up, we will send you additional soldiers.  Until then please continue sending us those wonderful chert musicboxes your quaint rural craftsDwarfs are so good at making.

"Perhaps when our citizens aren't getting slaughtered by Goblins due to lack of military personnel/armour/weapons we can think about making a good bit of cheddar"

Oh could you?  We don't seem to have any MilkDwarfs or Cheesemakers and as such have an absolute derth of good cheese.


Urist McSovereign the Second, Ruler of MountianHome

[Deus Machina]

Dear Squad leaders of Hollowmirrors,

Seriously, do you guys get together about this or something?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

With face in palm,
the overseer.

[Peewee]

[-]be killed in your lava death trap[/-]

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