So what happened was this.
I came into work really tired, and was having trouble staying awake after just half an hour. So I broke out my tablet and started up a roguelike. It's not hard to play and work at the same time. I was putting out work at a decent pace.
Then the manager calls me in. Apparently two other managers and a bunch of other employees had all complained about me first falling asleep, and then playing a game. She basically tells me "You're supposed to be working, not playing games."
I explain to her that I've been working. My numbers are fine. I've been getting 5 hours of sleep a night for the last month because of clashes between work and family schedules - staying up until 9 am to get the kids on the bus and getting up at 2 pm for work. The job is extremely mind-numbing and I need SOMETHING else to do on the side that will help me stay mentally alert or I will not be able to work at all. What I'm doing is the best thing for the company.
Her response is basically "Ok sure that sucks, but you're still supposed to be working instead of playing games. You're being paid to do a job [blah blah blah]" She also throws in that everybody else works under the same expectations. My voice was already shaking at this point, because I've had this same conversation with her probably a dozen times already, as have most of my co-workers. I had retorts, but I wasn't capable of voicing them coherently at the moment and didn't want to get myself in more trouble, so I basically said "I'm working with my situation the best I possibly can. I'm at a loss as to what else I can do."
What I wanted to say:
First, not a single other person on this shift has young children. Not one. Second, everybody indulges in distractions. Everybody gets on the internet. Everybody plays games on their cell phones. Everybody else just isn't placed in the most visible spot in the entire office. Everybody who ever leaves their chair walks by my desk and sees everything I'm doing, and apparently some people spend their entire day worrying about what other people are doing. Of course I'm going to get reported more than anyone else. Every single co-worker I talk to is fucking miserable and about a third of your team has quit in the last couple months. Do you seriously believe this bullshit you're telling me?!So the conclusion of the meeting is this, and she literally phrased it to me this way: I have to find some way to keep myself alert and focused throughout the entire day every day, but it can't involve anything that isn't music or work... even after I've thoroughly explained that this is unreasonable. I'm put on yet another warning (I have a warning against me for basically everything at this point), and it's worded in such a way that if I'm seen falling asleep or doing anything other than listening to music or working that the warning will be elevated up to termination.
I only know one way to deal with this... burn shitloads of emotional energy indulging in angry/suicidal fantasy thoughts. It's the only thing I can do to keep my eyes open, one of which is now severely bloodshot. This might be how I spend my entire day at work every day from now on, because EVERYTHING has been shot down.
Sometimes i always look for that other job or think of a way to work for myself.
This indie game studio thing really needs to work out. I don't know what I'll do if that falls apart. I should be doing 3d right now, but I don't have it in me.
I've got fire, felonies, and a bad attitude. Where do you work?
I'll reveal who I work for when I'm no longer working there. It's too much of a liability in the meantime.
Wow. Are your employers Vorgons or what?
Basically, yes.