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[Rolan7]

So I've been getting slight to severe skin irritation from the HRT injections which banish my crippling depression.  Trying my best not to slip back into alcoholism and general uselessness.  Was going to the gym at least once a week, trying to keep that up.

I was taking 20ml weekly for 3+ months without any problems.  Endocrinologist at PP upped my prescription to 30ml.  I quickly started getting skin reactions, and more importantly it stopped working.  My immune system attacking the HRT, presumably collateral damage as it attacked the specific oil base.

Switching back to 20ml weekly seemed to help, but it... leaves a day or two that feel awful.  Yesterday when I heard about my gma, I gave myself 15ml in two separate places.  As an experiment.
It didn't work.  I reacted mildly in both places.

This is supposed to be taken intramuscularly but I... couldn't, so I got insulin needles.  The 4channer said I could do intramuscular now and it would be fine.  I'm skeptical because that seems dangerous.  Nobody seems to know, just that one random anon who stopped responding.

Everything was finally okay and now I just keep grasping at it, suffering the reactions and feeling the effect dwindle faster than it should.

Edit: I nervously asked my endo on the initial visit why to do intramuscular, and she didn't mention this.  Her answer made no sense, "faster absorption" (it lasts a week or two??).  So I did this instead.
Every interaction I've had with doctors makes me dangerously attracted to conspiracy kooks.  They always fail my brother too.  I have to keep telling myself it's bad luck, statistics, that all that education HAS to be worth something.
I guess I don't have a lot of data points though, being uninsured.  Unworthy of care.

Edit2: I know why I don't just ask my endocrinologist.  Because I FEEL, emphasis there, that I'd be asking some random person to google it.  I don't FEEL like they're an actual expert.  I don't trust the medical system to be better than my own research.
Not enough to pay an exaggerated cost out of my pocket.

Every time I mention that course of action to my mom, she bizarrely mentions that they want to hear about my side effects so they can build a database of reactions.
I don't want to be in a database as reacting poorly to my HRT. 
I don't even want to be a datapoint there.  What is she trying to communicate with that?  It's like she thinks it'll reassure me.  I feel like it'll accomplish nothing, and at worst it'll hamper HRT diagnoses for other people.

[Great Order]

Legs are getting increasingly weak, the doctors are still going on the basis of "Eh, wait and see"

You know, I'm beginning to think they've no fucking idea here, and they're maintaining the "Just hope it goes away" mentality.

I'm losing sleep over this. Turns out it's really fucking anxiety inducing when you're rapidly getting weaker and weaker and the response from the people who are supposed to do something about it is to FUCKING DO NOTHING.

I am not a doctor, but I have a few friends with MS. Sounds like it could be a post-viral syndrome, especially if you had COVID at some point. You might try looking for an online support group to share information.

I'm hoping it is, the alternative is that I've got some sort of circulatory condition. Especially since it's predominantly affecting my legs.

I've also lost my appetite now. I'm eating when I remember to eat, rather than when I'm hungry because I'm not getting hungry.

[Vector]

Edit: I nervously asked my endo on the initial visit why to do intramuscular, and she didn't mention this.  Her answer made no sense, "faster absorption" (it lasts a week or two??).  So I did this instead.
Every interaction I've had with doctors makes me dangerously attracted to conspiracy kooks.  They always fail my brother too.  I have to keep telling myself it's bad luck, statistics, that all that education HAS to be worth something.
I guess I don't have a lot of data points though, being uninsured.  Unworthy of care.

Edit2: I know why I don't just ask my endocrinologist.  Because I FEEL, emphasis there, that I'd be asking some random person to google it.  I don't FEEL like they're an actual expert.  I don't trust the medical system to be better than my own research.
Not enough to pay an exaggerated cost out of my pocket.

Based on my research into this problem (because I was worried about you) it looks like the common estrogen used for injections is esterized. What that means as far as I can tell is that it slowly converts into usable estrogen, kind of like how CND slowly turns into CBD in your body.

But that esterized estrogen going into your system instead of just being a little lump in your body is a different problem. You want E everywhere, not just like ... a little place in your butt.

My real rec is to drop the 4channers and find some out online trans women with injected E to ask, or a wiki run by trans people for trans people. For example, I read up on Esterized E on the DIY HRT wiki. You might be able to ask the woman who runs the wiki for social connections to someone else who can help you understand what's happening.

It's not your fault that the medical establishment is full of dingdongs on this particular topic, but you have the good luck to be part of a community that is very invested in caring for and protecting itself. Please work on leveraging those community connections.

[McTraveller]

the DIY HRT

Wow that sounds extremely risky to me.

[Frumple]

Less risky than trying to go through the actual medical offices, in a number of places, though. It's not ideal by a goddamn mile, but, y'know.

[Vector]

the DIY HRT

Wow that sounds extremely risky to me.

Well, that's what happens when you make it impossible for people to access medical care through standard sources.

[delphonso]

the DIY HRT

Wow that sounds extremely risky to me.

The open source insulin formula is a good parallel. You get about 20 diabetics together and they save money by pooling resources for the equipment they need to produce the medicine they need to not die. It is slightly more risky, sure, but also the only reasonable option for a lot of people.

[GiglameshDespair]

the DIY HRT

Wow that sounds extremely risky to me.

Still less so, I imagine, than following advice from 4chan.

[scriver]

Every time I mention that course of action to my mom, she bizarrely mentions that they want to hear about my side effects so they can build a database of reactions.
I don't want to be in a database as reacting poorly to my HRT. 
I don't even want to be a datapoint there.  What is she trying to communicate with that?  It's like she thinks it'll reassure me.  I feel like it'll accomplish nothing, and at worst it'll hamper HRT diagnoses for other people.

Maybe I'm naive but I don't think that would be the case at all, that's not how side effects risk assessment works. Reporting it will only serve to build up a knowledge base that will help people undergoing hormone treatment in the future.

[Great Order]

the DIY HRT

Wow that sounds extremely risky to me.

DIY generally means buying it online rather than getting it via prescription. Not necessarily making it yourself.

It's generally more risky because you can't trust the supplier as much as if it was via prescription, and because unless you've told the doctor and they've agreed to check for you, there's nobody to keep an eye on your general blood levels.

[Vector]

Usually the medications are from international sources or whatnot. It's more difficult for trans men in general because getting T without a prescription is a felony (which is not the case for E), so think twice before mocking your local "unmanly" transmasc person

I'm recommending the source not because Rolan's DIYing but because those who are taking E without physician oversight are more likely to have information about their problem stored online and might be more willing to explain instead of going "well, I'm not a doctor ..." And definitely better than a 4channer. jesus christ.

[Rolan7]

Yeah I technically have an endocrinologist, and I've gotten two prescriptions at this point.  I SHOULD have saved my money and gone DIY.  I'm not supposed to say that, but I'm pretty... unsatisfied with the advice I got.

Ironically, now I'm going to pay them for more advice about the issue they didn't warn me about.  It's easier when I think of it as supporting Planned Parenthood, but it still bites.

Access to healthcare and specifically access to gender-affirming care are a bit of a problem in America, surprise surprise.  And I'm saying that from a state where the law (for now) is informed consent, which skips a LOT of hurdles that people have to overcome in other states.  It's probably good that I got a prescription and a doctor, but I wouldn't expect anyone to push through their local hostile medical systems.  Even enlightened European countries have shit like mandatory sterilization (IN CURRENT YEAR), and/or requiring close to a year of clean drug (yes, pot) and psych tests.  Without getting started on TERF Island.  It's almost like they don't want us to live happy lives...

(There are also survivalist methods of obtaining estrogen but they're icky and thankfully unnecessary at this time, with the option of ordering DIY.  Still interesting in a, well, survivalist sense.)
Anyway I took Gma "home" today.  They prescribed her an additional antibiotic and extra Tylenol.  She seemed to flip in and out of a delusion that she was there to visit "mom".  Maybe I was her sister this time.  I think she got too hot, but wearing her jacket is important to her.  Regardless, she was calm and drank a little water (never enough, hence these hospital trips...) and dinner's coming for her soon.

[Frumple]

Folks called in, confirmation that grandma's broke the arm. Had a fall a couple hours ago, she thought nothing was broken, EMTs that got here said it looked like it might just ("just") be a dislocated shoulder, but nope. Broke. Coming home tonight on pain meds, specialist visit tomorrow to figure out what needs to be done recovery wise. Definitely not going to be a quick or relatively easy thing, 90 year olds don't exactly heal breaks quick (or at all, for that matter).

First time either of the folks I'm living with have actually broken anything in my life, I think. Was in the room (bringing grandfather out of bathroom) when she got out of bed quicker than she should have, tripped over stuff she'd left in the floor and went over. Sucks.

[Vector]

It's been upsetting to become a full, 30ish adult and realize that the depression isn't going to go away. Probably not ever.

I'm trying to remind myself now that I'm in my first year outish IRL (because last year was fully online) and yes, people are being shitty to me and yes, that isn't going to go away, but this is just the first year, and maybe things will get better as time goes on. Maybe someday I'll stop thinking: "Hey, all this seems terrible, but maybe I'll randomly die really soon, and then it wouldn't be so bad."

I found out this year that I can be pretty happy on 30K. Maybe I'll just find some hole somewhere and try to be happy in my hole.

[JoshuaFH]

For the most part, I don't reminisce about my childhood, because for the most part it was entirely shitty. Sometimes though, I'll remember there was a brief portion of it in Elementary School where things were actually really cool, and I'll wish I could go back to that time period, and just relive it with my few Elementary School friends. Even if it was only for a week, it'd be so nice just to play and enjoy the time with my first friends, as a vacation from the lonely and mundane horror that my everyday life has become. That'd be the best.