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[MrRoboto75]

Whenever I don't have anything to do, or have a plan to do something, I immediately default to depressed. This is exhausting.

I've been the same way the past couple weeks or so.  Like at work if I'm not with a customer, reading, or fucking with my phone, the bad vibes just sort of soak in.

I think I'm on the verge of autistic burnout.  I've really overextended myself, there's work, Heroclix with friends every week, I'm organizing online tabletop sim Battletech games each week with a friend that moved away, there's the big convention in two weeks.  I can't really drop any of it, Clix is the only time I'm all that happy, plus it really feels like if I say no to any invitation they just stop asking me.  Work will never really stop being daily torment yet no one wants to hire me anywhere else.

The dilemma is I can't really do much to nip it in the bud now, but also a full-on burnout would be life ruining.

[Vector]

I'm deeply frustrated with the relationship between how much work I have to do right now and how little I'm actually capable of working. I worked for hours today and ate three "real food" meals (not healthy, but not ... particularly unhealthy). I still have to postpone a work meeting for a day because I couldn't do everything I was supposed to.

I'm about to stand up and work for another couple of hours before my 1 AM bedtime, but this just feels pointless.

[Great Order]

Looks like the dysphoria's here to stick around for a bit.

That's new. And unpleasant.

[Loud Whispers]

Just remind yourself that it is terrifying; it is inevitable; that slaying great beasts will win you renown in the eyes of the hatchets of victory

Not sure where I was going with this

[Vector]

Looks like the dysphoria's here to stick around for a bit.

That's new. And unpleasant.

Deep breaths and do what you can to get some gender euphoria going. Avoid Instagram type nonsense for a while (you know, the kinds of glossy webpages that make you feel bad if that's a trigger for you) if you can. And: don't forget that you ARE yourself. Also, you are an imitation nothing. You are you! A lady in the rough is still a lady, just needs some polish

The more confidence and "feeling yourself" you can build up, the easier it will be.

[McTraveller]

Apparently the new car I ordered in June... may not even be available until 2023, based on the text I just received. I hope they are just setting the bar low... 

And I'm curious - what is "gender euphoria" and why would I want that instead of any other kind of euphoria?

Also upset by the general negativity in basically every press I read, even in weather science websites.  Flooding in St. Louis, Central African Republic, and other places.  Recession will-we-or-won't we. Stupid politic of the day.

Definitely I just want to sit and enjoy the simple things in life...and I have a hard time mourning when others mourn... for it seems like that kind of season.

[hector13]

I bought (ordered) furniture in November and it’s being delivered next week so it could be worse.

[Vector]

And I'm curious - what is "gender euphoria" and why would I want that instead of any other kind of euphoria?

It's the opposite of gender dysphoria. It's a feeling of happiness/satisfaction that people feel when they have experiences or properties satisfying their gender. Like when you look in the mirror and think "I'm a beautiful woman and I am going to draw positive attention walking down the street" or when you get a beer with the guys and enjoy how you are, collectively, a bunch of dudes doing a thing. Or when you're pregnant and think about how you are doing what your mom did before you and your grandmother and this experience links you to the History of Women.

Or when you finally start growing boobs or a beard or whatever, either for First Puberty (desired) or Second Puberty (corrective & desired).


You want gender euphoria because it protects you emotionally from experiences like, "I dressed up in a way that made me feel amazing and then when I went into public, I got laughed at." Getting gender euphoria is why medical and social transition is such a strong protective factor against suicide for trans people. If you want to know what gender euphoria is, I recommend cross-dressing for a week in all social situations including at work at home and with your friends & family (to induce gender dysphoria) and then undoing it. That feeling of relief is gender euphoria.

[Great Order]

Looks like the dysphoria's here to stick around for a bit.

That's new. And unpleasant.

Deep breaths and do what you can to get some gender euphoria going. Avoid Instagram type nonsense for a while (you know, the kinds of glossy webpages that make you feel bad if that's a trigger for you) if you can. And: don't forget that you ARE yourself. Also, you are an imitation nothing. You are you! A lady in the rough is still a lady, just needs some polish

The more confidence and "feeling yourself" you can build up, the easier it will be.

I generally avoid things that send me into a negative spiral. It's easy for me, I don't like hanging around things that make me feel shit so I don't. Most I do is occasionally browse the transtimelines subreddit because that one gives me some sort of vicarious euphoria on occasion.

Honestly, it's not as bad as the depression was, it just sucks in the meantime.

And I'm curious - what is "gender euphoria" and why would I want that instead of any other kind of euphoria?

Experiencing a congruence between your gender and sex. For most people it's not all that big because that's what it's always like, someone with a male gender and male body or female gender and female body isn't gonna experience it that much because it's the default state. When you've been deprived of it you tend to get a much stronger, more visceral feeling for the same reason that doing something for the first time is far more interesting and fun than doing it for the hundredth. It'll generally fade as you get more used to having your body better match your gender, although you can still get caught off guard by it.

[scriver]

I fell asleep on my glasses

I borked them in half

[MonkeyHead]

I fell asleep on my glasses

I borked them in half

Monacle time!

[bloop_bleep]

I fell asleep on my glasses

I borked them in half

[Frumple]

... yeah, I used to do that like once a year or somethin'. Titanium frames are where it's at, some sort of flex metal in general. Pretty sure I had one pair that got literally ran over by a truck and came out fine, lens cracked but frame just like "nah fam i'm cool". They're more expensive, but significantly longer lasting and sleeping on them tends to be whatever.

Ones I've got now are finally starting to wear out, but I've had them for the better part of a decade... think they got bought in 2014 or something like that. They've outlived several lenses, heh.

[Eric Blank]

It was 106 yesterday, and is projected to be 102 again today. My face is a waterfall of sweat. The freezer isn't freezing my water fast enough. It's too hot

[Frumple]

fucking hell grandfather sprayed his french fries with fucking piss removal spray and started eating them

noticed before he ate two, but that's probably one of the worst things I've seen him do to date, and, just. Goddamn.

if there's an afterlife with something responsible for dementia, I hope to whatever's listening that entity is killable so I can fucking murder it

e: adjacent to that, I hate human biology so, so much at this point

just

hate

hatehatehatehatehatehatehate

hate it

it's going to be tremendously hard not to just fucking piss on the next person that proposes intelligent design to me in person, because the only thing greater than my hate of human biology at this point is the distilled malice that is the concept some gigantic bastard built this shit intentionally

i don't know what's going to happen after my grandparents pass, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be either near or explicit hermitage, or suicide, and I'm not sure which is winning that race right now because both never touching another human being and the sweet release of death both sound really goddamn tempting