RATM announced today they're cancelling their European tour today. I've bought tickets months ago, the moment they went on sale, was gonna go with family and see my highschool dream band for the first and possibly last time ever. The band that got me into the weird and alternative music scene, the shit that fueled my rebellious streak in those years. The only damn band whose shirt I ever bought and have kept around for over a literal decade (shit is still intact, why can't it be a nice work shirt).
I'll get a full refund eventually, not worried about the money, but this was like the first big event in years that I was super excited for. So that's a bit of a bummer for the next month or so at the very least. Doubly so because the concert involved a bit of travel and sightseeing, perhaps even meeting up with some folks I haven't seen in years unrelated to it.
Unrelated to that, I've been trying to get back into art on a more serious and involved level, started off okay but I've been struggling to keep it up and make progress. It's nothing complicated, just gotta put in the work and effort, but I find it hard mustering energy for either most days :I
And then a third unrelated thing is my love life, which has been mostly dead for most of the last decade, with brief, shuddering signs of life that generally ended poorly and just sort of petered out into nothing. I've been okay with that for the most part, I understand a good part of my flaws and issues and really don't mind keeping other people well away from that shit until I have a proper grasp on it (which sure is taking a while eheheh).
Lately however I've been crushing super hard on someone I probably shouldn't be crushing on, for a number of reasons, least of which is that it probably wouldn't work since we're fairly different in terms of personality and interests. And the rational part of me knows and understands this, it knows the potential fallout if this should end poorly (like most of my romantic engagements did) and just how high a price I'd be paying potentially. The less rational part of me on the other hand is going "BUT THINK HOW GREAT IT WOULD BE IF IT WORKED OUT HOLY SHIT!!"
Now, I'm a pessimist and a fairly negative person, a lifetime of expecting shit to go bad and then being proven right most of the time has beaten that into my personality fairly well. And the few times I genuinely tried to think positively and be optimistic have all ended in failure. Nonetheless, it's getting damn hard to ignore that insistent little fucker and I fear one of these days I'll (against my better judgement) finally cave in and ruin everything like I generally tend to do.
So, uh, yeah, just a couple of little things that tend to add up on a particular day for no particular reason :I