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[Imic]

I’m miserable 24/7, and I don’t always know why, which generally leads to self destructive/loathing thoughts and a constant slouch on my part. The truth is, the self loathing comes from a deep seated self loathing that I got from childhood trauma in Primary school, and I’ve become phsychologically convinced that I’m inferior to all living things, and their needs and wants should always be put above my own. As a result, I feel extremely uncomfortable and cringe-y when people actually express that they feel sorry for how openly depressed I constantly act and feel, while I myself always comfort people who’re unhappy regardless of the situation. I’ve basically turned off all personal shittiness sensors, so a this rate, for all I know, my life might actually be awful enough to warrant feeling this way, but I won’t let myself explore that possibility, and my complete lack of social skills won’t allow me to express any of what I’m actually feeling. I’m actually compulsively honest in all situations, but I’m incapable of properly expressing what I’m feeling and why I’m feeling it, short of ‘I’m miserable’. At this rate I’ve become resigned to the idea that I’m going to live the rest of my life as a delressed weirdo, since I feel deeply uncomfortable around solutions that feel like people feeling sorry for me to the point of being physically unable to listen.
Sorry for the long post, I’m venting.

[Leodanny]

i caught a coldddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

Please don't, everyone I'm even tangentially in contact with seems to be developing them, and I'm beginning to think I'm producing some sort of cold-like memetic virus.

oh no... is it the words you spout? AM I GOING TO GET IT?

[scriver]

i caught a coldddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

Please don't, everyone I'm even tangentially in contact with seems to be developing them, and I'm beginning to think I'm producing some sort of cold-like memetic virus.

oh no... is it the words you spout? AM I GOING TO GET IT?

Maybe maybe it's the things we say, the words we've heard and the music we play

Got my large toenail almost ripped off at Jitsu today.

To say it hurts isn't wrong, but doesn't quite convey the whole truth.

I thought the nail-grip-overshoulder-throw move had been banned from all official jitsu venues

[ChairmanPoo]

My love life is the wreck of the Titanic

[Teneb]

I just... damn it. Watching my country commit suicide is damn hard.

It's not it doesn't deserve it, given everything that happened, but I still hoped it wouldn't come to that.

[dragdeler]

-snip-

[Il Palazzo]

My love life is the wreck of the Titanic

Huge, world renown and inaccessible?

Used to be hot commodity, but now is rusty and covered in barnacles?

[Sirus]

My love life is the wreck of the Titanic

Huge, world renown and inaccessible?

Used to be hot commodity, but now is rusty and covered in barnacles?

Has had a major, award winning motion picture depicting it?

[Teneb]

My love life is the wreck of the Titanic

Huge, world renown and inaccessible?

Used to be hot commodity, but now is rusty and covered in barnacles?

Has had a major, award winning motion picture depicting it?

Will have another follow in your footsteps?

[ChairmanPoo]

More like frozen and sunk and underwater for far too long.

Normally I compensate with professional success, and indeed I'm slowly getting used to my new workplace and have met some very interesting people that don't work in the same place, but quite close by.
And yet.. I'm not wholly convinced I've not landed in yet another office-politics fragfest. Which is still professional success of a sort given that all my previous jobs have been characterized by being ridden with petty conspiracies, and now I have more prestige, money and influence, but still...


If I have to be completely honest, all this was triggered by a facebook post of a friend who I loved from afar for years with someone who might be (ok, lets be serious, likely is) her new boyfriend.  It's bloody stupid because at a rational level I know  it's stupid, but still the sudden angst is ... urghh.

Bottomline is that I need to network outside my workplace or I'm likely to end up unhinged.

[Rolan7]

My love life is the wreck of the Titanic

Keeps trying to slip away in some self-righteous suic- dammit 90's shut up!
But really I'm worried about him doing something drastic, sometimes.  He talks about it, and I do my best to be myself, and let a little bit of my horror through so he knows that, even though we haven't been together in a long time I
"can't imagine how I'd feel if you died.  I just can't."

[dragdeler]

-snip-

[ChairmanPoo]

My love life is the wreck of the Titanic

Keeps trying to slip away in some self-righteous suic- dammit 90's shut up!
But really I'm worried about him doing something drastic, sometimes.  He talks about it, and I do my best to be myself, and let a little bit of my horror through so he knows that, even though we haven't been together in a long time I
"can't imagine how I'd feel if you died.  I just can't."

The fudge are you saying? I'm not suicidal! I'm just undergoing some minor angst

[Teneb]

My love life is the wreck of the Titanic

Keeps trying to slip away in some self-righteous suic- dammit 90's shut up!
But really I'm worried about him doing something drastic, sometimes.  He talks about it, and I do my best to be myself, and let a little bit of my horror through so he knows that, even though we haven't been together in a long time I
"can't imagine how I'd feel if you died.  I just can't."

The fudge are you saying? I'm not suicidal! I'm just undergoing some minor angst

Quote accident?

[Rolan7]

@ChairmanPoo
I'm glad, but I didn't mean you.  I pivoted from your sad into the Titanic into a loved one slipping off a piece of wood.

I imagine so many crazy things but a reality where he's gone is just this weird blank for me.  We've been nothing more than friends for at least 2 years, but I don't like that he's been talking about this.  I used to talk about it, and now I guess I know how that feels.  It's not great.