Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[misko27]

I'm no longer stressed, I'm back to depressed! Boy I love holidays.

...

Honestly, I take back what I said about stress. Being stressed is ok. Being stressed because I'm failing classes is not ok. But being stressed just because of a large pile of work that needs to be done is ok. I mean, honestly, I wasn't doing too hot and I really need a break mentally to get back to work, but I'm sadder now that I've gotten out of class than before. Just don't feel interested in doing anything I found fun before, and the things I put off worrying about while working have come back to haunt me. I miss the mindlessness of work, there's too much time to think now.

[martinuzz]

So, twice a week, I help my old mom with the groceries, some housekeeping, and whatever else she needs assistance with.
This includes going to the ATM once a week, for her to make sure she has some cash money.

I am saddened now. Banks shut down the last ATM in a 3km radius, except for the in-store one at the supermarket, which is nearly always empty.
Been calling around to the city council, banks, and shopping center landlord to see if there's any possibility to get a replacement ATM somewhere within walking distance (especially considering it's an old people's neighborhood, full of old folks who can't walk 3km with their rollator).
Sadly, no cigar. City council points at the banks, banks say they are closing down a lot of ATMs and not replacing them. Landlord doesn't care for anything except the shops paying him his rent.

They're really trying to get rid of cash money. Reality is though, that over 60% of dutch people prefer to pay with cash over bank card. It's most notable in the supermarkets which are trying to replace their cash-outs with bank card payment only. There's a few lanes for cash now, and a few lanes for bank card only. The latter are almost always empty. Not because they're faster, but because no one wants to pay with their card. Strong mentality of 'the banks have no business looking at my shopping list'.
It's always fun to flabberghast Americans, when they discover that barely anyone over here has a credit card**. We have a strong tradition of 'earn money first, then spend it'.
While in the US, almost everyone has a credit card, over here, credit cards are regarded as a curiosity for the very rich and / or the very irresponsible. (It's eroding though. We're slowly americanizing)

EDIT: **most people do have the option to overdraw on their bank account up to some degree. Standard bank accounts come with a 500 euro overdraft allowance.

[scriver]

Luckily the EU with everybody's best interests at heart will prevent that from happeni- oh wait, nevermind.

[redwallzyl]

So, twice a week, I help my old mom with the groceries, some housekeeping, and whatever else she needs assistance with.
This includes going to the ATM once a week, for her to make sure she has some cash money.

I am saddened now. Banks shut down the last ATM in a 3km radius, except for the in-store one at the supermarket, which is nearly always empty.
Been calling around to the city council, banks, and shopping center landlord to see if there's any possibility to get a replacement ATM somewhere within walking distance (especially considering it's an old people's neighborhood, full of old folks who can't walk 3km with their rollator).
Sadly, no cigar. City council points at the banks, banks say they are closing down a lot of ATMs and not replacing them. Landlord doesn't care for anything except the shops paying him his rent.

They're really trying to get rid of cash money. Reality is though, that over 60% of dutch people prefer to pay with cash over bank card. It's most notable in the supermarkets which are trying to replace their cash-outs with bank card payment only. There's a few lanes for cash now, and a few lanes for bank card only. The latter are almost always empty. Not because they're faster, but because no one wants to pay with their card. Strong mentality of 'the banks have no business looking at my shopping list'.
It's always fun to flabberghast Americans, when they discover that barely anyone over here has a credit card**. We have a strong tradition of 'earn money first, then spend it'.
While in the US, almost everyone has a credit card, over here, credit cards are regarded as a curiosity for the very rich and / or the very irresponsible. (It's eroding though. We're slowly americanizing)

EDIT: **most people do have the option to overdraw on their bank account up to some degree. Standard bank accounts come with a 500 euro overdraft allowance.

why not just use a debut card? I'm the same way with money but never spend what i don't have (not counting student aid).

[LordBaal]

So we went to first therapy sesion. I was superscared about it but also anxious to start getting help. It turned out to be more helpful, at least at first glance, than what I thought.
The doctor says that basically what we need is to rebuild our trust and that it might be faster than we think. Still feels awful to know you are the sole guilty for the shitstorm.
Oh and it turns out I might be dislexic and on top of that have a social disorder or issues or something. As in I'm not as normal or undamaged as I thought I was.

We actually healed the relationship faster than I believed it was possible. We still have those micro times of tense calm but those are reducing in number and length. However the therapist is leaving the country for good, so my solo therapies will have to be with someone else, if they ever become a reality. The doc told me there's conclusively something not wrong, but weird at least, with me. I might indeed have some sort of social disorder and anxiety issues related to family issues, emotional detachment at some levels and whatnot.

On one side I'm ultra happy that my marriage is safe, or so it seems. But on the other hand finding out I might have that makes me really sad. Even more knowing that this therapist which was really helpful isn't going to be able to help me with it.

[Arx]

I, too, have something conclusively not wrong, but weird about me. Many people do. The fact that a therapist said so doesn't change much. Don't be sad about it, and don't spend too much time worrying about being sick in the head or whatever. Just work on it at your own pace (if it needs work at all).


Caroline, that sounds explosive. Maybe it's good to have that out there? Don't assume it'll go horribly, maybe your mother will realise she has been over the line. G'luck anyhow.

[TheBiggerFish]

Caroline, you're not a narcissist.  Having some amount of care for yourself doesn't make you a narcissist.  Having some amount of care for your siblings doesn't make you a narcissist.  And I'm pretty sure you're not lazy either.  I'm lazy.  You're not.  You've been working on stuff far in advance of due dates and doing a lot of it, on top of regular work.

And honestly, I don't think this was fucking up as much as having had enough of outright abuse.  I hope your mother listens.

[Shadowlord]

Caroline, to be honest, I think you did an incredibly brave thing. Your mother may dismiss what you said, or pretend you never said it, or chalk it up to stress, but honestly, from what I remember you posting before, it seems like it's something that she needed to hear, even if she ends up not listening.

It may not have been the 'safe' thing for you to do, but if you hadn't ever confronted her, someday years from now after you were safely away from your parents, you might have ended up looking back and wishing that you had tried to confront her, even if only for the sake of your sisters.

And like TBF said, you really don't sound like a narcissist to me. Your parents do, or at least your mother does (I don't remember what exactly you've said about your father), but you really just sound like someone in a shitty situation with awful parents who have been manipulating you (and micromanaging you - making you skip a grade level without even consulting you about it first is a huge red flag) for a long time.

Personally I think you should be proud of yourself for actually standing up to her. What you did isn't like a normal kid throwing a tantrum because their parent asked them to do the dishes and they don't want to.

P.S. I think I've mentioned r/raisedbynarcissists before. I don't really frequent it, but I still think it might be helpful or informative, if you can find the time to look at it. It's apparently not just for people with narcissistic parents, though - anyone with a toxic relationship with their parents may find it helpful.

[spümpkin]

Caroline, to be honest, I think you did an incredibly brave thing. Your mother may dismiss what you said, or pretend you never said it, or chalk it up to stress, but honestly, from what I remember you posting before, it seems like it's something that she needed to hear, even if she ends up not listening.

It may not have been the 'safe' thing for you to do, but if you hadn't ever confronted her, someday years from now after you were safely away from your parents, you might have ended up looking back and wishing that you had tried to confront her, even if only for the sake of your sisters.

And like TBF said, you really don't sound like a narcissist to me. Your parents do, or at least your mother does (I don't remember what exactly you've said about your father), but you really just sound like someone in a shitty situation with awful parents who have been manipulating you (and micromanaging you - making you skip a grade level without even consulting you about it first is a huge red flag) for a long time.

Personally I think you should be proud of yourself for actually standing up to her. What you did isn't like a normal kid throwing a tantrum because their parent asked them to do the dishes and they don't want to.

P.S. I think I've mentioned r/raisedbynarcissists before. I don't really frequent it, but I still think it might be helpful or informative, if you can find the time to look at it. It's apparently not just for people with narcissistic parents, though - anyone with a toxic relationship with their parents may find it helpful.

^^^ All this is true.


In my own sad(?) I'm going to be gone for a month from today, and won't have very much internet, although hopefully it'll be fine with just mobile data. See y'all around.

[misko27]

All I'll say is that anyone worried about being a Narcissist is almost by definition not a narcissist. I've had far more time and experience with narcissists than anyone should, and let me assure you that doubting your infinite perfection and unlimited right to everything under the sun is anti-narcissistic. In fact, it's as soon as you start taking for granted that you are sufficiently humble that you should start worrying.

[itisnotlogical]

My seven year old nephew told me he was "so fucking irritated" and wanted to get today's family excursion done with as quickly as possible. He's learned to hate the stress and bitching of family days out in about half the time it took me, mein gott.

[TD1]

.....

You took into him over the language, right?

[itisnotlogical]

Yea. I don't think it makes much of an impression, I'm the only one that ever seems to notice or scold him and that's about once every two weeks at best.

[scriver]

All I'll say is that anyone worried about being a Narcissist is almost by definition not a narcissist. I've had far more time and experience with narcissists than anyone should, and let me assure you that doubting your infinite perfection and unlimited right to everything under the sun is anti-narcissistic. In fact, it's as soon as you start taking for granted that you are sufficiently humble that you should start worrying.

Does that include thinking you're not a narcissist because you wonder about whether you're a narcissist

[MaximumZero]

.....

You took into him over the language, right?

If my 8 year old were sufficiently stressed, I would probably let it slide.