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[Kot]

I'm confused.
I still know I'm madly in love with her and I know it since I realize it all the time, I still have dreams with her (I know how it sounds, but hey, it's not like I have a lot to say when it comes to what I'm dreaming about, unless, I dunno, LD but that doesn't happen commonly) but now, instead of... sadness and rage (?) that I had before, it's mostly calming. Very confusing.

It's really confusing because part of me tells me I should hate her, other that I should do something and still try to somehow get her and I still think of him in hostile terms but on the other hand I... am okay? It's weird, I should proably be happy that I am getting over it (am I though?) but I kind of feel that is... wrong? Why would I, it's really confusssiinnnggg...

I dunno, we still don't speak to each other but I am also very confused by the fact that she seems a bit... sad about this whole thing? We make some eye contact from time to time and I get this feeling in general (or maybe I'm just imagining things) but I'm not sure what does it mean... but, considering that I would proably beg her on knees for any kind of attention it better mean nothing. I want to, I don't want to, I'm okay, I'm not okay, I'm horribly terribly confused.

On the other hand one of my teeth started to hurt so maybe I can blame it all on it. I don't know why, maybe beacuse I'm confused.

[TheBiggerFish]

*pats*

Good luck, Kot...

[hector13]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I'm confused.
I still know I'm madly in love with her and I know it since I realize it all the time, I still have dreams with her (I know how it sounds, but hey, it's not like I have a lot to say when it comes to what I'm dreaming about, unless, I dunno, LD but that doesn't happen commonly) but now, instead of... sadness and rage (?) that I had before, it's mostly calming. Very confusing.

It's really confusing because part of me tells me I should hate her, other that I should do something and still try to somehow get her and I still think of him in hostile terms but on the other hand I... am okay? It's weird, I should proably be happy that I am getting over it (am I though?) but I kind of feel that is... wrong? Why would I, it's really confusssiinnnggg...

I dunno, we still don't speak to each other but I am also very confused by the fact that she seems a bit... sad about this whole thing? We make some eye contact from time to time and I get this feeling in general (or maybe I'm just imagining things) but I'm not sure what does it mean... but, considering that I would proably beg her on knees for any kind of attention it better mean nothing. I want to, I don't want to, I'm okay, I'm not okay, I'm horribly terribly confused.

On the other hand one of my teeth started to hurt so maybe I can blame it all on it. I don't know why, maybe beacuse I'm confused.

Spoilers 'cause PFP.

Anyhow, dreams are apparently (according to one theory) our way of dealing with emotional shite. Dreaming about it strips away the emotional aspect (eventually) so you can deal with things objectively, or something.

Progress appears to be getting made. Stay strong, bro!

[hops]

Sometimes I think I might burst into flames from the sheer amount of jealousy I have for everything in existence.

I guess omnienvy is better than omniloathing?

[IcyTea31]

Envy isn't necessarily a bad thing. As long as it's "I want to be as good as that person" (focus on self) and not "that person shouldn't be so good" (focus on other), everything is fine.

[Orange Wizard]

Admiration/aspiration is undoubtedly a good thing. Feeling insufficient or wanting to take a thing from someone else is less so.

[Solifuge]

Limerance blows. Our minds and bodies are rubbish at dealing with this in constructive ways. Romantic obsession is in our wiring, and people have been writing and singing and making fools of themselves over it for as long as writing and songs exist. Seriously, the oldest surviving song is dedicated to the memory of a lost lover. At least you're in good company.

That said, try not to read into your interactions. Odds are you're seeing what you want to see here instead of accepting the painful facts (that takes time too, so no worries). Just keep giving it time. She's going to go live her life, and depending on the nature of the split, it's probably going to be without you. It's sad, but whatever the situation, it's exactly what it is.

Show yourself some love, and get whatever distance and time you need to puke this emotional hoopla out of your heart. Build new good things and relationships. You can't really wait for someone else and count on things changing. If you do, you'll miss out on all the other good times that you could be building toward.

It's sad, but it is what it is. All you can do is adapt and heal and grow. Luckily, that's another thing that is humans are awesome at. Good luck!

[Cptn Kaladin Anrizlokum]

It's a Facebook friend's birthday and so I have to stare at his stupid cover photo which makes me sick and angry...
And he posted a big rant about how he can't believe [government figure] can sleep at night because said figure isn't doing enough to help LGBTQ people, even though that figure is receiving death threats from all over southern Alberta and the Bible Belt for what they have done... And all their staff is quitting and they have been in private meetings to ask for help. It frustrates me.

Also I find I throw myself into work too much. As in, on my first day of volunteering (at my second current volunteer job) I more than doubled the 10 hours of work by other people in just 6 hours.
I also didn't eat that whole day because I didn't want to stop working, and my "boss" told me she would be forcing me to work less when I go back.

I'm also kind of feeling bad because I've been asked to help out at another volunteer place, but to help there I would need to drop something from my current two and two upcoming ones.
And then on top of that I have my mom telling me I need to get a "real" job, and go back to school so I can get into university by September...

[spümpkin]

I've been out since 8am this morning (it's 8pm for me now, and I'm not getting home until midnight) because my parents forced me to come to this festival in Hamilton becasue they're working there, and I can't study for the exam I have two days from now beacuse of that, and I was already hyper-stressed about it as it is. I've also been really stressed lately for other reasons, because I feel like I don't live up to expectations, and whenever I feel bad for myself I feel even worse because there's people out there who deserve my pity more than I do, and I've been discussing my recent attempt at suicide with a school councillor and my parents and life is happening. Too fast. I really just want to not be stressed out, but I worry about everything because I'm a super paranoid person.

I feel like I have anxiety, because whenevr I talk to people I don't know, or see people I don't know, I feel like they're judging me silently, and even some of my less-than-close friends give me that feeling. I worry about everything I say, because I feel like it just isn't what anyone wants to hear. I've also been talking to myself for the past 3 hours because I'm very lonely.

Ugh.

[Spehss _]

...aaaand I stayed up too late again. It's 2:40, almost 3 AM now. Every night I tell myself I'll go to sleep earlier tomorrow. Almost never do.

Pretty sure I know why I do this. Because I hate my life and don't want to go to sleep to wake up to a new day of hating my life. I don't know if there's much I can do to not be dissatisfied with my life or if it's just a side-effect of me being the chronic perfectionist try-hard. Or just being depressed. Am I even depressed. I've pretty much been unhappy with my life for a while now.

This is one of the few times in the last year or so that I regret not having any meat-space friends to talk to. Much as I'd dislike burdening people with my emotional shit, it'd be nice to have actual people to complain to talk to besides my parents. And having some contacts or some shit could maybe help me have a rough idea of where to go or what to do with my life after college. If I even finish college. The more I think about it the more it seems pointless to continue. The more it seems everything is pointless. Every single core aspect of life in modern society after college (and during college) makes me unhappy.

Maybe I should try living a hermit life off the grids in the woods. Wonder if that would even be possible nowadays. I'd probably hate that too, I'm pretty sure I don't like anything if I do it for long enough.

[JoshuaFH]

Thanks Vector, thanks Bauglir, thanks Biggerfish. I'd like to express a more meaningful sentiment, but that's all I can think of. Thanks.

[Rolan7]

I... I fell asleep!
But it's... okay... because I was practically done, and reported as such.  I asked for clarification on finishing touches, and fell asleep waiting for the reply.  Which never came.  Nobody else has submitted their work either, what the hell is going on??  I worked so hard...

At least I got some good sleep, with intense adventure dreams.  And I only slept in my chair a little while before stumbling to bed (I remember not remembering the project then lol, memory is weird on low sleep).

[TheBiggerFish]

*pats*
@Kaladin:One, do what feels right, but don't hurt yourself in doing it.  Take your lunch break.  Two, there is probably a paying job that does the exact same thing you want to do.  Look for it.  They will like you a lot.  I don't know what to do about this friend, though, sorry.

@DigitalDemon:That's the starving children in Africa fallacy-just because someone has it worse doesn't mean you can't feel bad for yourself.  Don't wallow in self-pity, but you definitely deserve some.  And really, you should be yourself, not who others want you to be.  Don't worry about what complete strangers think of you (unless it's a job interview or something).  Worry about what you think of you. 

@Spehss_:Unless you're waking up early, your sleep schedule has probably just shifted to be that way.  Set a hard deadline for turning everything off and being in bed, and stick with it.  Alternatively, set an alarm for Really Early and then go to sleep earlier because you will be tired, if you can deal with a day spent half-awake. 

Talk to a career counselor or something about what you can/should do after college, it's what they're there for.  And find a club that does something you like to do and join it.  You'll find friends.  Also, there's a fair number of people here who you can at least vent at, if not in meatspace.

Also, don't become a hermit, we'd miss you.

@Rolan:Go back to sleep.  Good job on getting it done.

[Jopax]

Fish, I just wanna say how awesome you are to have around, like some sort of feel good chatbot who'se only purpose seems to get people to feel better, it may not always work but damn if you don't try every time, thank you very much for that

As for my own personal sads, well, there haven't been that many since a week ago I tried the approach of flipping the switch and trying to be more positive about things. It's still wierding me out a bit since I'm not really used to not feeling shit all the time.

Anyways, the sad of the day is that a certain person that I've been meaning to re-establish contact with has deleted their FB account for some reason, now, I have other means of contacting them, but the act itself was a bit worrying, prompting me to try and get in touch sooner than I inteded to, hopefully I'm as ready for this as I claim to be.

[TheBiggerFish]

Aww, thanks.   *blushes*

Good luck with your friend.