I don't know why I let this get to me like it does. Just the feeling that I'm just so excluded from nearly the whole rest of society.
I feel that if I really want to get out of my rut in life, I'll have to pursue a furthered education, but my largest gripe about that isn't the academic work, I'm just afraid of again being[...] the person who clearly doesn't belong, of just being the loser that can't make any real friends in a social setting.
I'm not able to complete the homework my therapist gave me, and he stipulated to call him for my next appoint once I've finished. It looks like I'm not seeing my therapist anymore, the contradiction prevents me.
If it helps, I could say I can relate. A lot.
It's always that feeling of the moment--reluctance or 'noooooo don't' which got me back then--when I was around 15 or so. A year or such before I joined this place :O Basic idea was that fear consuming me. 'Just do it' was the best solution--given that I could blatantly see that there was nothing wrong in the situations presented; most were pretty much innocuous, and the person helping me through it (my dad) told me the same things your therapist tells you: do it, once your done, return to me, feedback. He said it in the calmest of tones, with a
Though his face was all like :I
...So that helped. A tiny bit. xD
Giving up seemed best. I mean, that's what I felt anyway.
Then the thought came to me--why are my feelings predicting the future? I mean, seriously. This isn't how people act most of the time. {something which provoked me towards learning about this
in depth}
Why should I give up when what's currently happening, is what matters? Yeah, stuff happened before.
But can't I learn from them in a better way than just treating my future as {trash}?
I'm mirroring the advice given to me before. Dear goodness do I realize how effective it is now
But that's one side of the coin though. Many ways on how to handle these things...
...I even contradicted his advice once and went back to him asking 'How would you handle it so I can have an idea'? Then he got grumpy but played along. Then I actually did it, and what happened was I explained everything, and made my intent blatant. Not the best way, but it worked. x3
My point being: No matter what happens to ya Joshua, I've got faith in you. No matter what happens in this situation:
Do it. If it fails, provide honest and full feedback, then suggest what can be done if I've to try again in the future. If it succeeds...err, that leads to a lot of 'next step' things.
But fear failure in this situation--not because of the aftereffects detrimental to us, but the fear of inaction. We can be rejected, but we can learn from it. Supposedly, the first question would be 'Who is this?'.
If in doubt, I found explaining what I'm doing to be an ok thing (though...that's more personal than anything. I tend to do these when anxious. Well, tended. But anyway). The other person got my idea, and in general, they don't respond malevolently if you explain yourself honestly, including your feelings and such :O But this is situational, I think. Get a friend there to aid ya or posit a hypothetical with someone nice and open there.
My mind is blank from fatigue now. x_x sorry.
And even aside from that, I feel like I should probably drop out of contact with/sever ties with several of my friends simply because it seems like I'm kind of doing the opposite with them of what I should be; that is, just dragging their mood down with me and making them miserable as well. And I honestly have to wonder if the same is true for the forums; I really don't contribute much of anything here. And if I were to just stop posting...Would anyone notice? Would it be a better place if I weren't part of it?
Dude, I have a laugh every time I see a post of yours: I confuse you with Arx because of your avatar, and then I chuckle about my carelessness.
Plus I've seen you make some great contributions in some of the less general threads - the religion one maybe? If you were gone I wouldn't notice immediately, but I'd pick up on it after a while - and it would make me feel a bit sad to see that another forumite has fallen away silently.
TL;DR: You do contribute, and regardless of your contributions you'd be missed.
Not the same here, you.
When you say forums, who do you refer to? All of us? Like, even those who don't post but click on a thread and read all these posts and words but don't post at the time (or ever)?
Because its not what's happening. Maybe its what your feelings are saying. From what I've experienced--most cautious and negative feelings are based on what we think and what we know, so they're more guides and indicators rather than landmarks on what life is.
If you're bringing your friends down, maybe being honest with them would help? Severing the ties straight out would, out of context, be both surprising and very open to assumption on the other end. What I learned from my friends is over the years--yeah, they may be saddened or, so to say, 'burdened' by when we're down or mopey, but that generally doesn't mean 'I'm sad by being with you'. They're reflecting on the situation (something I didn't think of until it was explained to me...back when I was 15. v:)
Also I'm PMing you something. Heads up. :O