I'm starting to forget there being a time in which I was not constantly anxious.
Yeah, me too. And good lord, the frustration. I cannot remember anything but the anxiety and frustration.
Everything I do, I'm either going to do wrong or nobody will notice. Nobody laughs when I try to joke anymore, everybody says I look desperately pale, I can't win at life (I dropped my spoon on the floor twice trying to eat today, and that was before it touched the food!), I still don't understand what I'm supposed to do with this phone thingy at home or work (people never want ME, and I am horrible at remembering a sentence to relay longer than "Aunty called", so if I can't remember the details of something and say "why don't you call them back and find out", don't get mad, call them back!), only one person at work understands just how hard my station is to do, and she's the only person with seniority over me left (she's been here 8 years, as long as the kiosk has existed), middle management is being Dilbert-Themed middle management, all the tills at work got replaced with less functional machines with less memory, more wires and buttons, less ability to register exactly what a customer wants, less ability to take payments (2/5 methods we use to accept aren't accepted any more), more noise and less ability to correct an incorrect entry. Especially annoying is that while it will display the last 2 coffee orders on one screen, the last two bagel orders on another screen, and the current order in it's completeness on a third screen, it won't display any bakery orders anywhere but on the current incomplete one; so if you finalize it by putting in the payment, you had better damn remember what they wanted from the showcase or else you're in big trouble.
The doc has me on Citalopram for depression, so I'm able to come into work and not throw a tantrum at my frustration, anger, sadness, and despair over it, but I'm ready to take drastic measures.
Wish me luck, I'm collecting letters of testimony about the middle management from my co-workers tomorrow. Yes, I'm mutinying, but I'm the captain of this little escapade and I'm willing to go down with the ship; the kiosk is more or less burning down anyways, since management keeps cutting staff and cutting hours.