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[Rose]

Every time I try to get some of my freelance work done, I get sudden splitting headaches.

[Bauglir]

@Vector
What would a better world look like? Is there anybody you want to protect or otherwise help? Yourself is a valid answer, here. Anybody you want to spite by proving wrong? Yourself is also a valid answer, here, although not immediately obvious. Do you feel like you need a role to fulfill? If so, would you rather it be externally-defined, or something you choose yourself? Is there somebody you want to be and aren't?

Just kind of spitballing here. Arbitrary questions are arbitrary. Really, though, one thing about all this arbitrary pick-a-purpose stuff is that anything you feel is as valid as you want. Depression is an awful experience, but perhaps it could become the focus of your motivation? I don't really know. Forcing things to change in an obvious way helps remind yourself that things aren't permanently stuck the way they are now. Cleaning, for example, might have felt good because it reminded you that you do have some agency in controlling your environment.

[WillowLuman]

Also, simply getting stuff done. Cleaning makes me feel better because I feel like I'm conquering procrastination and handling my life. Sometimes you just need to set a goal so that when you finish it you'll get a sense of accomplishment.

My sad: woke up massively anxious this morning, my heart pounding and my kidneys feeling all weird. I'm suddenly acutely aware of all the work I need to do in a short period of time, and all the things I need to not forget to do. On the other hand, this feeling did help me get out of bed earlier than usual.

[Tiruin]

Be excited about something, no matter what it is. A TV show, a game, drawing, whatever, and do it. It is so fucking hard and I know it. You are a great person.....

This one, aye. :/
Wrote up a long post but then conciseness beats it.
There's a real fact in most workplace environments or professions of the reality of discrimination or unequal expectation despite the ideal workplace having those tiny, nearly inconspicuous factors playing a needless role in modifying it. How reasoning--one of our great strengths--can also be used against others. Given the hierarchical manner of most workplaces or corporations; if the higher-ups are...lacking, then problems trickle down and cause a lot of collateral damage.

A subtle annoyance paradoxically evident in society :/ Sad thing is that it's a social construct--it's not natural, but made. Things like the Glass Ceiling or pretty much other rubbish which gives unfairness: that's not how life is, or even should be.

But all this doesn't mean that you should be dreary. Keep yourself supported--if your environment is rubbish, at least the skies are clear of them. You aren't made of the same rubbish, anyway--that's one thing to be glad for. A good sense of self-image/esteem is a great support in life I've found, no matter what trash may be thrown at you in the future. It makes you look dirty, and feel dirty, but you aren't really dirty.

* Tiruin gives hugs to y'all.

Keep those expectations, however. Don't let it die to those who let it die.
You make your better world--even if your workplace sucks. Depression feels the sucks, but it is not permanent.
My wording is messy. Argh fatigue.

[sjm9876]

Girl I like who has been having issues back home (abroad) such as a friend committing suicide is now taken.

I've been putting it off as I'd feel like I was kinda taking advantage, as I've also been helping her through it.

But a less scrupulous guy has not had such issues, and so I'm left out in the cold.

Fuck the moral high ground -_-

[Helgoland]

Even if you found a suitable opening, I doubt it would prove all too satisfying. And it might leave some nasty wounds, depending on the moral high ground's geology.

Seriously though, cheer up. Someone else will come along sooner or later - it's not like this was the love of your life and you'll commit suicide now, is it?

[Lord Shonus]

Girl I like who has been having issues back home (abroad) such as a friend committing suicide is now taken.

I've been putting it off as I'd feel like I was kinda taking advantage, as I've also been helping her through it.

But a less scrupulous guy has not had such issues, and so I'm left out in the cold.

Fuck the moral high ground -_-

Been there. A girl I was pretty seriously interested in a few years ago had her relationship disintegrate messily right after she had a baby because the dude she was with turned out to be a worthless asshat, and I kept my distance so she didn't think I was trying to move in. Turned out she took that as me snubbing her because she had a baby (there's a certain class of guy that's pretty heavily represented in the environment we were in that considers a woman with a kid to be "tainted" and worthless), and things turned pretty nasty between us for awhile.

[Baffler]

Even if you found a suitable opening, I doubt it would prove all too satisfying. And it might leave some nasty wounds, depending on the moral high ground's geology.

This is fantastic, may I sig it?

[sjm9876]

Seriously though, cheer up. Someone else will come along sooner or later - it's not like this was the love of your life and you'll commit suicide now, is it?

Nope, but every opportunity seems to die with that exact same sentence, and it's starting to get under my skin.

I'm gonna sleep and try not to work myself up too much over it...

[Helgoland]

Even if you found a suitable opening, I doubt it would prove all too satisfying. And it might leave some nasty wounds, depending on the moral high ground's geology.

This is fantastic, may I sig it?

Sure, go ahead!

sjm: There's a great quote from Goethe's Iphigenie auf Tauris:

Es klingt so schön, was unsre Väter taten,
Wenn es, in stillen Abendschatten ruhend,
Der Jüngling mit dem Ton der Harfe schlürft;
Und was wir tun, ist, wie es ihnen war,
Voll Müh und eitel Stückwerk!

"It sounds so good, what our forefathers did,
When, resting during the quiet evening hours,
The youth recites* it to the sound of the harp;
And what we do is like it was to them,
Laborious and incomplete!"

TL;DG (too long, didn't Goethe): It's like that for everyone. You just don't hear much about everyone else's failed attempts.

*Literal translation is 'slurps'. I don't know what the hell the guy was thinking.

[MaximumZero]

The youth wouldn't be telling the tales, they'd be hearing them eagerly, slurping them up greedily like a thirsty dog does water.

[sjm9876]

Oh trust me, my failure is of less concern to me than the guy who's ended up with her. Upon their first conversation, despite knowing she had a girlfriend, his main themes of conversation were:
1) How hard it must be to be going to uni in a different country to her boyfriend at the time.
2) How cheating on people is rather common in England
3) How dating older guys (he's early twenties, she's 18) is rather common also.
The guy has done little since to earn my trust, and I have the sinking feeling she's going to get hurt.

Of course, maybe I'm just subconsciously making up excuses to be pissed at the guy.

Anyway, I said sleep, so sleep shall occur.

[Spehss _]

Feel kinda down today. Don't know why really, it's not like I have tons of homework or anything. If anything I should be happy because soon the semester will be over.

My life just feels unfulfilling.

Granted, I've felt way worse in the past and could feel worse now, but I'm not that low, so that's a plus. Still, feeling a general sense of "meh" today.

[AlleeCat]

I want to go make myself some food, but I know that if I leave this chair for even a second, someone is going to start using the computer, and then I won't get it back for another hour or so.

[Lord Shonus]

Does the chair have wheels? That can help.