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[Orange Wizard]

The fact of the matter remains that when you live in Glorious Murica, it all comes back to race.

[Eric Blank]

It does! And that's disturbing.

[Vector]

.

[MaximumZero]

Maybe it's telling you something. Do some pushups and feel better?

Drop and give me 20, soldier?

[Tiruin]

I don't know what I want to do with my life. I feel like I'm fucking myself and it's making me depressed. A couple years ago it looked like I had some kind of glorious future or whatever, but at this point I feel like a dumbass who can't get her act together. I don't have any motivation for anything, other than that "it's on the to-do list, so I've gotta do it."

Look at me. Up, down. Up, down. My mood is doing pushups.

Set long-term life goal and act towards it? :O Not let the busy-ness of work become your only goal to fulfill?
*hugs*
 

[Vector]

.

[Tiruin]

Long term life goals are arbitrary? o_O
(my wording is messy these days ._.)

[Vector]

.

[MaximumZero]

Well, if you need ideas on what to do with yourself, I have an RPG that desperately needs to be turned into a video game...

[Tiruin]

Focus on the root of your depression and either move away from it or get support from friends to build resilience towards it? :<

[Vector]

.

[Knit tie]

I feel like I'm fucking myself and it's making me depressed.

In a funny aside, masturbation has been shown to be able to fight depression.

[Helgoland]

Honestly, I spent 2 hours cleaning the house and I felt a lot better. I guess I've learned something new about myself.

Isn't that a known short-term remedy for depression? Definitely for breakups. Cleaning helps - it's a physical activity, and you have an easy-to-see result. In the long run MZ's approach may be easier.

I guess you rule out medication? It doesn't seem like what you have can't be treated another way...
Could you start working in a slightly different field? My mood always lightens up tremendously when learning stuff from a new field of mathematics. Go do some topology, or discrete mathematics~
Or formal logic, if you're feeling suicidal and need something to push you over the edge

[MaximumZero]

In the long run MZ's approach may be easier.

My personal approach is usually sulk a little bit at a time to get it out of my system, while focusing on a task to keep me busy, to prevent me from blowing up on someone. It doesn't make me a pleasant person to be around, but I haven't hit anyone in a long, long time.

[Truean]

For what it's worth, I can relate Vector.

One of the ways I've found it gets to you is the expectations we were given don't pan out in reality. We were supposed to be having this great future and people not only don't seem to give a shit but often actively are just mean.

One of the only ways I've found that helps is to pick a goal, imagine being great at it and figure it out to beome great at it. It's far from perfect and works best/on hobbies, but it's something.

I find the motivation issue is a problem with that god aweful question, "why?" combined with past disappointment. The haters have misused the hell out of the question "Why?" It used to propell humanity foreward. Now it destroys motivation and motion, becuase they've made everything "lame." People also get upset with me for moving and talking fast, and I think it is because it makes them look bad (doesn't matter if I'm helping them or not). They expect this behavoir of a stupid detached 90s movie shithead who is too good to give a fuk about anything. They destroy everything with, "so what?" Reently it has been at this point where I get atively mean as all hell because that motivation killing she is them trying to drag me down to their level.

Be excited about something, no matter what it is. A TV show, a game, drawing, whatever, and do it. It is so fucking hard and I know it. You are a great person.....