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[MrWillsauce]

So what's it like? Jail is usually depicted in media as being a concrete/iron-barred room with a shitter in it where you sit and are fed sandwiches by cops until you get to leave.

[Xantalos]

Good luck and may your imprisonment be short.
Why are you have to jail anyway? I are poor memory.

[misko27]

Good luck and may your imprisonment be short.
Why are you have to jail anyway? I are poor memory.

Something, about, drugs.

I think.

[MrWillsauce]

Good luck and may your imprisonment be short.
Why are you have to jail anyway? I are poor memory.

Something, about, drugs.

I think.

Also Jew-hunting

[Hanslanda]

Well, for one, there's no bars. It's concrete and bulletproof glass. And the shitter in the drunk tank is behind a little concrete wall. You only get sandwichs at lunch, the other meals are relatively normal. Breakfast is either oatmeal without any flavor, or awesome biscuits and gravy. They feed you quite enough. Except at lunch. Lunch is shitty ass sandwichs and stale chips. Dinner is... Well, normal dinner. All the meals are served in to-go boxes with plastic cutlery. They count the cutlery. >.<

And it's super boring. The cops don't talk to you. And you just sit there. If someone is in with you, you get to bullshit about doing drugs or whatever. Otherwise, it's incredibly boring.

Good luck and may your imprisonment be short.
Why are you have to jail anyway? I are poor memory.

Something, about, drugs.

I think.

Yep.

[Xantalos]

Huh. I'm pretty sure there should be something that says you should know what you're going to jail FOR.
"So Hans, what you in for?"
"I don't know."

[Hanslanda]

Huh. I'm pretty sure there should be something that says you should know what you're going to jail FOR.
"So Hans, what you in for?"
"I don't know."

Funny thing that. See, the Drug Court program has raised issues because it violates a few constitutional rights. Like the right to a trial by peers before imprisonment. Or the right to free speech. Or the right to freedom of religion.

But you know, whatever. The Constitution's bullshit anyway, right? Not like it is one of the founding precepts of the nation or anything.

[kaijyuu]

And who'd want to care about one of those horrible druggies anyway?

[Xantalos]

Huh. I'm pretty sure there should be something that says you should know what you're going to jail FOR.
"So Hans, what you in for?"
"I don't know."

Funny thing that. See, the Drug Court program has raised issues because it violates a few constitutional rights. Like the right to a trial by peers before imprisonment. Or the right to free speech. Or the right to freedom of religion.

But you know, whatever. The Constitution's bullshit anyway, right? Not like it is one of the founding precepts of the nation or anything.

Nothing wrong with that. [/sarcasm]

[MrWillsauce]

Move to the UK tonight before they put you in jail, freeing yourself from the War on Drugs's oppression. Then, charm the Queen into granting you diplomatic immunity. She don't take no bullshit.

[Hanslanda]

And who'd want to care about one of those horrible druggies anyway?

Cuz I'm a bastard. I never paid my bills, and I didn't have a job, and I robbed people all the time, and shoplifted, and went out and got fucked up in public and drove drunk.
Wait, I never did any of those things. What the hell?

And yeah. But see, I can't sue Drug Court because they own me. I'm basically an indentured servant right now.

Move to the UK tonight before they put you in jail, freeing yourself from the War on Drugs's oppression. Then, charm the Queen into granting you diplomatic immunity. She don't take no bullshit.

I'm remarkably charming... This may work...

[Xantalos]

...Indentured servant, you say?
I̵̭͈̱̮̳͈ͬ̑̇̎ͤ ̡͍͇͕̯ͯ̉̋͊̿ͨw͗̈́̃ͥͯ̚͞i̜͚͔̝̱̮̺͂̑̀lͣ̋ͣ̆ͪͥ̕l͙͉̰͖̠̹͂̈́̍̓̊̽̕ ̰̗͈̥̩ͩͯ̈́ͯ͘g͊̎e̞̅̍ͪ͆ͬ͋͢tͪ ͈͔̯̯̤̍̊m҉̲͎͕̳̗y̯͙̭̬̠̻͈̚͜ ̸̥̻ͥͥͩ͋c̲̐ͨ͌̏͜l͍̖̈́a̮͊͒ͮ̌̂w̷̠̲̱̿̑̉ṡ̵̹̣ͪ̐̓ ̢͚͙̞͈̤̪̅̀͂̑ͤ͐o̵͈̥͎̻̰̲ͧ̈́̈̃̓̃n̷͍̿ͤ ̦̘̜̺̓ͨ̚t̺ͧh̙̫͇͎ͩ͆o̞̻̜̜̖s͋ͨ̾̇ͧ̄͛͟e͖̗͈̰̪͋̐͂ͫ͂̇ ͖͚͎s̢͔͒̂ͩͨȯ̜̦̼̩̮̉̄ͯ̾̇͢u͔͙̪͆ls̙̬͙̆͒͂ͮ̆ͮ́,̙̜͈̖͖͞ ̰̥̮̼̳̖͊a̢̗̝͆̐̒ͦͅn̴̲̠̥̅̍̄̃͂̚d̯͙͍̬̯͎̬ͬ̍̽̓ͨ̈́͡ ̞̰͈̝̙͉̝w̡̹̄͌̊h̼̜̯̜ͮ̀ȩ͔ṅ̘͋ͤͫ͊͛̽ ̨͊͒͐ͩ̀ͧͫI̫͂̊̓̾ ̜̝̺̻̌̀̆ͯ͂d̪͈͇͖ͫ́͊͠ó̮̈,̪̒͐ͦ̉͝ ̣̽́ͩͦ͡t̶͔̲̠̥̃̇͊͋͊h̒ͭ̊ͧẹ̹̠̝̟̼̮͐͂͒̎͊͆̀̚ŷ͕̱̂ͥ͒̏̕ ̠̙̗͚͔͙̖͌̃ͪ͐̓ͨ͞ẃ̩͔͑ͬ͑i͙̣̭̥̊̅l͈̫̄̐l͇͙ ̛̯̜͍̣ͪͪ̆r̵̞͕͙̳ȇ͉̞̜͉̜́̔ͮg͎ͩ̂̃r̷̮̟̲̲̝ͣͨ̅̑ͯͅe̙͙̦̮͓ͯͅt̴̪͉̣̫̬ͪͤ̑̊̅ͩ ̡͍̲̘̠ẹ̻̼͙̝́v͓͔̫̝̺͗̀e̞̓ͅͅr̈́̒̀ͧ̈̑͞ ̲̞͚̦̱̗̭ͦ̐̽̏̚e̯ͤ͝x̼̤͙̝̑ị͙ͥͦͅs͉̗̭ͦt̺̹̬̞̱̪͎̉ͮ̇̅ͥ̋̚͠i̼̱ͤ̒͂̍̋͘ͅn̛͙͛̉̒ͤ̓g̟̣͔͖̭̊͑
Nontheless, good luck and sympathy to ye.

[MrWillsauce]

Somebody should make a documentary about Hanslanda (the dude on Bay12, not the Nazi from that movie).

[Hanslanda]

Somebody should make a documentary about Hanslanda (the dude on Bay12, not the Nazi from that movie).

o.O My life would make a surprisingly good movie, actually. I've done crazy shit. Like that one time I drank enough booze to kill a bull moose, and woke up with a mild hangover. Then got alcohol poisoning the day after that. Or any of the times I did xanax.
Or Byrdfest. Or my first girlfriend. Or the bartender chick. Or getting raided by the cops, them finding acid, pot, pills, and tons of paraphenalia, then not arresting ANYONE.

Holy shit, any of you know how to write a screeplay?

[misko27]

Good luck and may your imprisonment be short.
Why are you have to jail anyway? I are poor memory.

Something, about, drugs.

I think.

Also Jew-hunting

Somebody should make a documentary about Hanslanda (the dude on Bay12, not the Nazi from that movie).

Yes. Hanslanda was walking down the street, like normal, when all of a sudden, He wants to go to a Bed and Breakfast! Now normally, Hans would go to his favorite one, IHOP, But since he was not near one, he decided to go to a local one instead. When he got there, as the owner was showing him arounnd (It was a family owned one, owned by 2 elderly Jewish Folk) Hans casually asks why there was a Picture a of Jewish individual on the Wall. Tha lady pointed out thatshe was Jewish, and that is was part of her heritage. Hans, Fearful, Was forced to spend the night, Fearing for his lif in the nest of Jews. Fortuitously, In the middle of ther night, A Pack of The Local HicksJew Hunters showed up. Following the battle, where the geriatric Jewish folks shape-shifted forms were no match for the  confused drunken might of their flame-throwers, the Hunters inspected the room where he was staying.

Unfortunately, It was not immediately clear that Hans was not, in fact, a shape-shifted Jew, so he had to consume Copious ammounts of various Illegal substances, for this is the only Known way to determine whether or not someone is, in fact, a shape-shifted Jew, for Jews Dissolve on contact with them. Hns passed with Flying Colors, as he is obviously not a Jew. Unfortunately, a anti-anti jewish Sting raid was secretly occuring, and the Cops busted the Anti Jewish Vigilanties. The Cops, who mistakenly believed Hans was part of their crusade, arrested him and subjected him to countless hours of watching Bad porn, in a effort to force him to talk. As he did not, even under the Extreme Duress of Terrible, Terrible porn, they could not Charge him with First-Degree Treason, the Crime of opposing the ALMIGHTY JEWISH GOVERNMENT, But instead had to charge him with fourth degree. But then, the Elderly Jewish Folk, who were, in fact, HIGH JEWSIH WIZENGAMOTS, and therefore did not die due to the Hicks measely flame throwers, Intervened upon his behalf. However, even they could not prove for a fact he had not been bait, so he was left with a charge of 4th Degree Jew Hunting, and 2nd Degree Degeneracy.

And that, friends, is how Hans Was saved by the High Jewish wizengamet.