I've explained to a client what an IOLTA (Interest Only Lawyer's Trust Account) is and that I have to put the money I've gotten for her in there. She's fucking not having it (or trying not to). Dude, the State doesn't care that you want it now and therefore neither can I. Lawyers commingling client funds with their own funds is a huge problem. If you're off by as much as $0.10, the state will call you on the carpet and audit the whole fucking thing. It's the number two or three cause of disbarment in Ohio. I don't need that shit. We're keeping this above board, period.
I'm trying to get her to fucking talk to me and she's just not having it. The fuck? I won the suit for you and you're getting paid; the hell don't you trust me for? Just shut the hell up and let me fix whatever's wrong. Is your landlord after you for rent? I assure you that a letter from me with a copy of the judgment entry saying you won suit and proof that I've collected and have way more money in the bank for you than he needs will convince him to bugger off. I've done it before; I'm certain I'll do it again. Something else? I'm sure I can work it out. You do have to fucking talk to me though (not yell at) and let me guide the conversation rather than you ranting. Being reasonable also helps. There's a fucking process to this and if you follow it, then it works. If you don't follow it, then nothing works. Simple. You don't get a say in this, fuck off; we're following the regulations on it.
Yes, they gave me your money to hold onto from the suit I won. No, I can't spend it or keep it myself; if I do, then I'm disbarred. No, you cannot have it immediately, and you should be grateful I got it this quickly (usually I have to garnish wages or levy). Yes, you will get it once all the Is, Ts, and Xs are dotted and crossed respectively.
The fuck? I won and you're getting paid, but you're still bitching my ear off? I just.... Wow, what the hell is good enough? No one is ever fucking happy no matter what I do or how well I do it. You simple minded asshole.
You went to three other lawyers before me who wouldn't even take your case, because they said you didn't have a case. I took it, won it and collected on it in under a year.
Three other lawyers told you it was impossible to win and wouldn't waste the court's fucking time with it and I won it.... The hell does she not get about this? I'd like a "thank you" instead of screaming.
I get the feeling she's going to try and not pay me.... As I look at the next student loan payment I can barely afford, I swear I'll make her life a living hell if she does, especially given that there's far more than enough to pay me in the money I'm holding for her.
I really, grow to hate people more and more....And if I hear this one more time:"What do you call one lawyer at the bottom of Lake Erie? A good start."
My response will be:"What do you call a criminal defense lawyer who kicks your ass? Acquitted."
Gah! Really? Even when I win the impossible lawsuits and collect on them? Really? Still not good enough? [shudder]