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[Vector]

God, I can't remember precisely why I thought this book sucked so much ass the first time I read it.  All I can see, looking at the writing again, is that there's a certain lack of ... something ... in the narrative that makes it seem right.

It feels so contrived.  I guess that's all I'm trying to say.  Something about it still feels enormously fake and upsetting.

[Lord Shonus]

What book?

[Vector]

What book?

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime.

[Leafsnail]

It feels so contrived.  I guess that's all I'm trying to say.  Something about it still feels enormously fake and upsetting.

Would it be that Christopher has a disorder that makes his thought pattern very different, but can nevertheless always tell what's happening in his mind, and is capable of expressing it clearly?

[Vector]

Would it be that Christopher has a disorder that makes his thought pattern very different, but can nevertheless always tell what's happening in his mind, and is capable of expressing it clearly?

It's... I guess what was missing for me was the emotional component, certainly not outwardly expressed, but inwardly felt--and the fact that the autistic folks I've known really did have senses of humor and empathetic stuff going on.  It feels kind of like it's the most "dehumanizing" portrayal possible, slathered in stereotypes and without anything... in there.  His thought pattern isn't really different.  Even I display more lateral thinking than he does, and I am way, waaaaay lighter on most of the issues than that dude is.  He gets overloaded, and there's none of the sheer horrifying panic there; he takes refuge in math and it's kind of like "well, okay, math."

And the thing is, I grew up with folks with quite severe autism, the sorts who did have meltdowns in public, and who will always be living on Disability for the rest of their lives--period, no question about it--and they still managed to seem more human, more feeling, more humorous, more intelligent, more caring.

I dunno.  And there's none of the desperation to fit, either, which is what I think my ex-boyfriend's complaint was.  He doesn't care at all.  The dude's 15, and he hasn't gained the least element of caring.  That's a shock.  By that age, I know both of us had learned "fuck up, and you are going to be hurt."  There was an obvious direct correlation.  And he has none of that.  For someone so self-aware, so clear in his thought, he seems like someone who has never been shouted at, punched, shaken, drowned, or anything.  There's no anxiety, no tension, no true interpretation of anything at all.  I would have liked to have seen him experience the gut-wrenching feeling of going along, doing okay, and then suddenly realizing that he doesn't know what to do next, worrying that if he doesn't figure it out in the next, oh, two seconds, he's going to be hurt.  It's so embarrassing and so shaming, but ... no.

That, and when he has his meltdowns, all I get is the motions of something being wrong.  He has no coping strategies.  You don't really get to 15 without coping strategies, whether it's "get the fuck out of here" or "scratch your arm to make it better."

And for someone who is supposed to be as good at higher math as he is--i.e. not just throwing numbers at the parallel processing centers of his brain, but really doing the logic--he really isn't employing those thought processes.

*sigh*

It just feels wrong.

[fqllve]

I dunno.  And there's none of the desperation to fit, either, which is what I think my ex-boyfriend's complaint was.  He doesn't care at all.  The dude's 15, and he hasn't gained the least element of caring.  That's a shock.  By that age, I know both of us had learned "fuck up, and you are going to be hurt."  There was an obvious direct correlation.  And he has none of that.  For someone so self-aware, so clear in his thought, he seems like someone who has never been shouted at, punched, shaken, drowned, or anything.  There's no anxiety, no tension, no true interpretation of anything at all.  I would have liked to have seen him experience the gut-wrenching feeling of going along, doing okay, and then suddenly realizing that he doesn't know what to do next, worrying that if he doesn't figure it out in the next, oh, two seconds, he's going to be hurt.  It's so embarrassing and so shaming, but ... no.

That sounds like the author has not only done autism a disservice in his portrayal but the character as well. How are we supposed to empathize with him without any of those things? Using that would have been an excellent link between the character and the audience and to just leave it out like that, well it's a shame.

Have you considered writing something about autism? The way you laid it out in your post sounds compelling.

[ToonyMan]

I feel pretty monotonous whenever I'm doing anything.  Like anything I do I don't feel satisfied in at all either.  I think I need something big to happen or my life is gonna be really boring.  I'll probably have to do this myself too, although I've managed to actually stay pretty content when I'm entertaining myself, but even that gets pretty depressing sometimes.
I've been living at my Grandma's for over 2 months now.  As I guessed we're definitely gonna be staying here until after I graduate at least.  In the meantime I don't give a fuck about my progression into college, but I'm going through with it because I have been preparing myself for years and I might as well use my high honors to good use.  Electrical Engineering Major at UCONN, that's me.
Still hide my hobbies from everybody I know except for the extremely personal like my brother and strangers on the internet.  I kinda want to come out and say my true interests aren't actually studying at home for the next test, but I feel kinda embarrassed about it.  Which is a good thing, because I'm kinda lacking in feelings right now.  Nobody would care about my interests at school anyway.  Not like anybody is even going to respond to any sincere posts I make either.
I've made progress in social interactions.  On the bus to school everybody is pretty cool with me.  There's this kid though that always gets bullied and I don't do anything about it.  I feel pretty bad about that but I'm not a very righteous or courageous person.  I even learned the kid has lived in foster homes his whole life and I feel even worse.  What did this guy ever do to you?  He's one of the nicest kids I know at school and he's always messed with, hrm.

Mainly, I'm making this sad post to state my dissatisfaction with myself and possibly the world.  I'm having a hard time relating to anybody I see and I'm never in a happy mood.  99% of the things I say are out of bitterness or hatred and I don't like it.  Even making this post now disgusts me.  The only way I get enjoyment is when I'm able to escape from this world and live I life I'll never have.  Those mornings when I wake up and still don't really have a grasp on what reality is are the best damn moments ever.  I may try to have an optimistic attitude, but shouldn't I actually be happy with that mind set?  I'm living my life without living and I don't like it.  Maybe I should talk to my parents about it.  They'll never be able to understand my interests, but they'll understand my feelings, maybe.  I don't have much confidence in what I just said amazingly.  I think I need to go into a fictional world again before I slowly lose the energy to even be sad.

[fqllve]

Wow. That made me really sad Toony and it's even worse that I don't know quite what to say.

Maybe...everything fictional draws from the real world so maybe you should try to see the things you love in fiction here. It's all diluted but it's still there and for me it's more amazing because it's real.

[Aqizzar]

Mainly, I'm making this sad post to state my dissatisfaction with myself and possibly the world.  I'm having a hard time relating to anybody I see and I'm never in a happy mood.  99% of the things I say are out of bitterness or hatred and I don't like it.  Even making this post now disgusts me.  The only way I get enjoyment is when I'm able to escape from this world and live I life I'll never have.  Those mornings when I wake up and still don't really have a grasp on what reality is are the best damn moments ever.  I may try to have an optimistic attitude, but shouldn't I actually be happy with that mind set?  I'm living my life without living and I don't like it.  Maybe I should talk to my parents about it.  They'll never be able to understand my interests, but they'll understand my feelings, maybe.  I don't have much confidence in what I just said amazingly.  I think I need to go into a fictional world again before I slowly lose the energy to even be sad.

Quoting this illuminated something that made it even worse.  Well.  All family is different, but at least you've got a brother to talk to, and you may be right about your parents.  I've been in the same situation as yourself, with essentially no one around to talk to about anything I actually cared about.  A conversation with my mother spiraled out of control, and she broke down about she'd been watching me mope around depressed and going nowhere all the time, much more concerned than I gave her credit for.  It opened things up a bit, because neither of us ever wanted to say anything, because we never knew how the other would react.  It made me feel like shit for a while, then better.  Nothing about interests mind you, just on trying to do something with myself.

Then again, it didn't materially help me much.  Fuck, I don't even have anything to say except I know how you feel.  And I don't have any real advice, except don't give up on yourself, even if you don't know what to do, just keep your eyes open.  Don't make the same mistakes I did, and you've always got strangers to be lonely together with.

[Vector]

That sounds like the author has not only done autism a disservice in his portrayal but the character as well. How are we supposed to empathize with him without any of those things? Using that would have been an excellent link between the character and the audience and to just leave it out like that, well it's a shame.

Have you considered writing something about autism? The way you laid it out in your post sounds compelling.

Well, frankly, because it's much easier to understand/write about/whatever someone who is just sort of vaguely social incompetent and gets set off sometimes than it is to deal with someone very, very anxious internally who doesn't show it, and in many cases suffers from failing to show that nervousness.  It looks more "classically autistic."  It better matches the external picture.

The problem is that the entire point is that the internal picture doesn't match the external picture... I heard that there was this film, Mozart and the Whale, that was supposed to be another one of those great pictures of autistic people.  Well, a "friend" of mine saw it, and what ended up happening, or so I hear, is that they'd have the actors clipping along, and then when it came time for them to feel something without showing it they'd turn away from whoever they were talking to and make an unhappy face.  It's just kind of like... well, come on, guys.  Get with the program, already.  Yes, autism doesn't lend itself to film.  That doesn't mean that screwing with it will make it any more honest =/

I've occasionally considered writing about autism.  I don't know that I want to do that, though.  At this point, it's still just kind of painful... all of the characters I write end up being too logical to pass as "normal" anyway >_>  I hear that they think too much with their heads, and not much with their hearts.

There's only so much energy I have for all of these things, you know?  I don't want to just be someone who had a disorder and wrote about it.  I want to be more than that, and I'm kind of worried that if I wrote something here, it would end up a big enough deal that I'd basically be stuck there for the rest of my life.  Basically, I want to do something else first.  Something that will matter more than "ooh-la-la, she wrote a book about our disorder for the Normal People to play with."

[fqllve]

Well, frankly, because it's much easier to understand/write about/whatever someone who is just sort of vaguely social incompetent and gets set off sometimes than it is to deal with someone very, very anxious internally who doesn't show it, and in many cases suffers from failing to show that nervousness.  It looks more "classically autistic."  It better matches the external picture.

Yeah, it's easier but it's shallow and meaningless, especially in text. It feels like that kinda of stuff is just a giant circlejerk where people sit around applauding themselves for how sympathetic they are. It isn't about sympathy though, it's about empathy. There's an air of condescension about people proclaiming how enlightening a work is towards the topic of autism when it doesn't make them feel like an autist would, when it isn't actually a look into the mind of the character. It's somewhat sickening even.

I've occasionally considered writing about autism.  I don't know that I want to do that, though.  At this point, it's still just kind of painful... all of the characters I write end up being too logical to pass as "normal" anyway >_>  I hear that they think too much with their heads, and not much with their hearts.

There's only so much energy I have for all of these things, you know?  I don't want to just be someone who had a disorder and wrote about it.  I want to be more than that, and I'm kind of worried that if I wrote something here, it would end up a big enough deal that I'd basically be stuck there for the rest of my life.  Basically, I want to do something else first.  Something that will matter more than "ooh-la-la, she wrote a book about our disorder for the Normal People to play with."

Yeah, that's understandable, it just seems like something you're passionate about and those are always the most meaningful writing experiences. It would really suck to get labeled like that though and it would be hard to break out of that because people sure do love to pigeonhole authors. I do think it's something you should consider doing eventually though. Even if you only approach the topic indirectly and under a pen name. At the very least it would help against the terrible dearth of meaningful portrayals.

[Gunner-Chan]

So. Playing Mabinogi again. On a whim I decide to go explore physis. Since well. I like snow.

Oh look THE BRIDGE IS OUT. And Me with no pickaxe to get the supply's to make it. You damn bridge. Ill get you some day.

[SalmonGod]

Mainly, I'm making this sad post to state my dissatisfaction with myself and possibly the world.

Take a chance.  Talk to someone.  I can't make any recommendations as to whom or how to go about it, but find someone to have deep, personal conversations with.  You'll learn a lot about yourself and the more people you do this with, the more faith you will have in people.  I can't say that I've ever felt the way you describe, but I definitely know what it's like to be dissatisfied with people.  When you look at the big picture, it's really really depressing.  It's easy to fall into a void.  The thing that has always kept me going is a find an outlet for those thoughts.  I find ways to regularly connect with new people in personal settings where I lay out my thoughts to the limits of my comfort.  If you can get a person speaking honestly in a serious conversation without social pressures to influence their thoughts, you'll be hard pressed to find anyone that is truly a bad person without positive qualities... and I hope you'll feel better... it works for me, anyway.  I think I've been getting depressed lately partially because I haven't done this in a while.

[Max White]

Just accentually bit my lip. Really hard. Still bleeding, and not showing signs of stopping. Blood starts to loose it's taste after a while...

[scriver]

Perhaps, Vector, you should write a Book About Autism for Normal People to Play Around With. A satire, I mean, on this sort of behaviour. Humour is always, in my experience at least, the best tool to make people think about themselves. Especially about their actions.