Mainly, I'm making this sad post to state my dissatisfaction with myself and possibly the world.
Take a chance. Talk to someone. I can't make any recommendations as to whom or how to go about it, but find someone to have deep, personal conversations with. You'll learn a lot about yourself and the more people you do this with, the more faith you will have in people. I can't say that I've ever felt the way you describe, but I definitely know what it's like to be dissatisfied with people. When you look at the big picture, it's really really depressing. It's easy to fall into a void. The thing that has always kept me going is a find an outlet for those thoughts. I find ways to regularly connect with new people in personal settings where I lay out my thoughts to the limits of my comfort. If you can get a person speaking honestly in a serious conversation without social pressures to influence their thoughts, you'll be hard pressed to find anyone that is truly a bad person without positive qualities... and I hope you'll feel better... it works for me, anyway. I think I've been getting depressed lately partially because I haven't done this in a while.
It's not that I'm dissatisfied with people, people are who they are. I'm dissatisfied with the thought that my "real life" will continue on being completely mundane in this world. Completely mundane. I'm following the life book quite literally and on the outside my progress is really stellar from where I started off, which I might share one time when I'm in a bad mood. I feel pretty content right now because I just woke up recently, but who cares? We're going to have an Easter party at my Grandma's today for some reason (Easter's tomorrow), but who cares? Almost everybody I know who's coming I don't even like. I'll probably converse with the people I do like in the basement and maybe I'll laugh at something. I do seem to laugh when I'm in a more public setting with people I'm comfortable with. Although I feel like I'm just putting dressing on the salad if you know what I mean.
Am I suppose to be emotionally shunted? I had Spring Vacation this week, woo-hoo! No I don't feel anything at all, maybe I should be a front-line soldier. I could make my life more exciting, but nothing sounds enjoyable or feasible for my position. I enjoy cooking at home by myself and watching/reading manga/shows/VNs on the computer, and people might tell me to "find something new", but to be honest I wouldn't want to do anything else. Doing stuff on the computer is probably the only thing keeping me alive. If this was the 80's or 90's I would have read all the books. I should have saw my love of fiction sooner and I'm sad I didn't really get into it until I was around 15. But at least now I can dull the pain of dullness with mild enjoyment and possibly even enjoyment (that means actually smiling).
Going to school actually kinda helps me forget. When I get a week off like this I get a lot of time to think and thinking is bad for me, except when I'm solving a murder case. Funny enough at school people seem to think I'm doing a lot better than when I started, which is nice to hear. I definitely laugh a lot more in school, mostly because since I'm in such a public setting I can enjoy myself more. I stopped hating people around 15 years old too. There's no reason to hate somebody or people who do a certain thing. They seem to be enjoying themselves anyway. Last day I was in school I was on a field trip and it was pretty enjoyable. People think I'm really funny, but most of my jokes are really out of hatred of my life.
When I said talking to my brother was an option, I didn't mean anything personal. Although I guess talking about my interests is enjoyable, since he'll do the same back to me ha ha ha. I should stop trying to look smart. I'm not smart. Smart people know how to be happy. I hate using words that question somebodies intentions or intellect. It makes me feel like a jerk for some reason. I guess I should stop talking now because my topic is getting kinda fuzzy as I go along, so farewell for now.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9764296 times)