school has been a emotionally scarring event in my life. I was "the happiest kid you'd ever see" then I went to public school. I was nice, smart and strong but everyone else thought it was cool to be a brat. I was ostracized and beaten up. Whenever I'd try to fight back I'd get into a dump-truck load of trouble, even if what i did was petty compared to what happened to me.
parents told me that it would be better in junior high, kids would be more mature.
well I believed them, I waited, I withdrew from the other kids and learned to get angry. Then I forgot how to be happy and the little kid in me died.
Junior high came and nothing changed. I managed to teach the other kids that I wasent as easily pushed around so I learned how to hit them back.
My parents told me that this was normal and that it would be better in high school, in high school the kids would be more mature.
I believed them again and waited, in junior high I learned to hate everyone. Two long years of finding quiet, lonely places to eat and trying to find friendships with the only people I could, other ostracized kids, which at my schools are the mentally challenged. Was I mentally challenged? Was that why everyone treated me like dirt and why teachers always sided with my aggressors? How could I be mentally challenged, I slept through classes, didn't do much/any work and passed these simplistic classes.
High school finally came. This would be it, people would finally respect me for my intelligence, bullies would be too worried about their grades to care about me or some such naivety. So little changed.
Some teachers began to side with me, they understood that I could grasp concepts the others were so far from, others simply thought the things my school mates did were funny and joined in. My projects were destroyed, my locks for my locker regularly ruined, kids would throw anything they could get their hands on at me, even fist sized rocks.
I learned to be mean and uncaring. I would not give anyone the time of day, I could take on anyone twice my size. Two jocks decided to try and flush me on my second day. Picked me up and rushed me into the bathroom. I kicked off the wall and threw them around the bathroom. in the third day I "attacked" a class mate who had been shoving me around class, the teacher did nothing, simply ignored it was happening. Though she must have thought it prudent to tell someone about it because later that week I was subjected to anger management sessions. I soon stopped going, the attitude the counselor had just made me more angry. How could things improve "if I just changed my attitude"?
I was voted "most likely to reenact columbine" and classmates did term projects with me as their subject. I formed a D&D club just so I'd have somewhere to relax and eat at lunch, maybe hold a civil conversation. most of the group was more interested in creating chaotic stupid characters. I suffered that kind of moronic crap in real life, why would I let it into my imagination too? I quit being a part of the game in the first month.
I under achieved. Content to sleep through the sub-college level courses and pass simply on the efforts of my tests. what was the point anyways? most knowledge I cared for I learned on my own time without the stupid lectures my teachers would give that put me to sleep.
I never went to dances, after school stuff or even my graduation, I moved out of town as soon as school was done because I had learned to hate my family. My parents either lied to me every time I came home crying or they were they were retarded and grew up on a different planet where age had something to do with maturity. My brothers cared little for my mood and pestered me constantly. I spent every waking minute that I was not at school, self medicating on video games.
I had nearly decided to chug a bottle of rubbing alcohol and end it in my last year. I hated being angry all the time. All I could think when I looked at my peers was how easily I could end their lives or ruin them forever.
I don't know how I didn't bring a weapon to school and "reenact Columbine", I had the means, I had the will, I had the targets. It was because deep down, some little part of the nice happy little kid remained and told me to hang on a little longer, things would be better in the next step of life.
I have no patience for youth, no empathy for their stupid actions. Public school has trained me well to hate all brats, punks, jocks, socialites, gangsters and any other unthinking group of status seekers.
It would be 4 more long years before anything got better. I found out too late that I made the fatal flaw of trying to find work in Ottawa when I don't know French. The only places I could get work were call centers for customer service or telemarketing. every other place threw me out on my ass without a second thought. I had not realized that in this country that considered both English and French to be equal, only the French were allowed to have jobs.
In those four years I learned to hate the French language.
I hit rock bottom. My savings evaporated, I tried to travel to a friend in the United States and get back on my feet. I was stopped and rejected at the border from my last attempt at happiness. They did not refund my bus ticket, they did not make arrangements for me to go anywhere but back to the nearest bus depot in Windsor.
I wanted to hate the United States but I was empty. A raw husk who had not been truly happy for 16 long years. I swallowed my list crumb of pride and called collect to my parents. I asked my dad if he could help me come home.
Those years I spent hating my parents for lieing to me. I could finally understand they were as sad and angry as I was. They watched public school destroy their little happy child for 12 years and they could do nothing. Then their child ran away from them and they heard almost nothing of me for 4 years.
Things slowly picked up for me over the length of a year. I managed to work a couple jobs and build up a little bit of savings. and soon I met the love of my life. Thank you little happy kid inside me, for making me hang on a little longer every time.
I'm happy again but any mention of people's memories of school fill me with anger and sadness. It makes me sad that one day I will have happy little kids and they will have to go to school.
Author
Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9799382 times)