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[Akura]

Maybe we should put up a singles/loneliness/dating thread?

Actually, that could be a bad idea.

[spümpkin]

Hooray for dateless people I know online!

Admittedly mine is somewhat self inflicted. I'm overweight, and as a result have a poor self-body image. And I can't get myself into the state where I want to shift this weight for long enough.

Stupid love of food and hunger.

You just gotta find someone who doesn't care about that.


My advice for making friends? Mwke a bunch of shitty jokes, and if people laugh, do them more often. Then, slowly bring them into your niche interests and they'll probably love it. That's how I do it.

[Sirus]

Maybe we should put up a singles/loneliness/dating thread?

Actually, that could be a bad idea.

Yeaaaaaah...I don't see that going so well.

[Eric Blank]

Productive day in job hunting, in terms of number of applications made. Now if only someone would respond...

[Flying Dice]

We bragging about romantic ineptness? 22 (23 in a few months) and zero dates so far. Had people flirt with me in the past, but I was too shy then to do anything about it.

About friendship though: it's kind of hard to get into a pre-established group of mutual friends. It's actually really easy to befriend someone who is alone, though.

The easiest time, I've found, is first year at college. There's usually a bunch of activities, especially at the start, that helps people meet their dorm neighbors, and people will usually have their doors open, again, especially near the start. It probably won't be seen as weird if you just go to the open doors near you during the first week and introduce yourself, make crappy small talk, meet people. Do activities put on by the RA (or equivalent), even if it's not exactly your first choice, especially when it's a pretty small group. Also, during your dorm experience at college, you are provided with a person who you can conveniently drag places/can drag you places. Even if you aren't exactly friends by the end of it, it's good practice. Basically, the entire dorm experience is designed to get people meeting other people.

That's how it's designed, yeah. The problem is that there's no guarantee that you'll find friends like that.

Remember, we're talking about undergrad freshmen. Most of them are there to get drunk, get laid, and vaguely appease the notion that they're there to further their education. If you're down for mindless self-indulgence you'll fit in. If not, you're better off trying to make inroads in your department a few years later--you'll have a bunch of classes with a relative handful of people with some degree of shared interests, and more focused events and programs aimed at the same.

[Teneb]

We bragging about romantic ineptness? 22 (23 in a few months) and zero dates so far. Had people flirt with me in the past, but I was too shy then to do anything about it.

About friendship though: it's kind of hard to get into a pre-established group of mutual friends. It's actually really easy to befriend someone who is alone, though.

The easiest time, I've found, is first year at college. There's usually a bunch of activities, especially at the start, that helps people meet their dorm neighbors, and people will usually have their doors open, again, especially near the start. It probably won't be seen as weird if you just go to the open doors near you during the first week and introduce yourself, make crappy small talk, meet people. Do activities put on by the RA (or equivalent), even if it's not exactly your first choice, especially when it's a pretty small group. Also, during your dorm experience at college, you are provided with a person who you can conveniently drag places/can drag you places. Even if you aren't exactly friends by the end of it, it's good practice. Basically, the entire dorm experience is designed to get people meeting other people.

That's how it's designed, yeah. The problem is that there's no guarantee that you'll find friends like that.

Remember, we're talking about undergrad freshmen. Most of them are there to get drunk, get laid, and vaguely appease the notion that they're there to further their education. If you're down for mindless self-indulgence you'll fit in. If not, you're better off trying to make inroads in your department a few years later--you'll have a bunch of classes with a relative handful of people with some degree of shared interests, and more focused events and programs aimed at the same.

Also remember that not every university or college has dorms, or these are reserved only for people who are from out of town and too poor to afford any sort of housing.

And there's nothing like group tests or assignments to make you either some great friends or hate their guts.

[TD1]

Someone a bit back mentioned that it's hard to make new friends in a pre-existing group.... well, that's what I've been doing for years. I spent three years at three different schools. 5 years in one, one year another, two years another. The 5 year one wasn't much good for me - I made "friends", but with hindsight I was lucky to get away from them. I made friends with a group in the 1-year one, and when I left there I installed myself in yet another group. These groups had been going on since primary school, and whilst I've fallen out of contact with the first and second groups, the third one is now my main social circle. I've made some very good friends, and despite being the "new guy" in the group, I don't feel like that any more. It's not so hard if you find a group and just start talking to them. I'm glad I did.

As for women, I'm a) extremely awkward when talking to them and b) possessed of high standards. My brothers seem to be okay with dating anyone who seems interested in them, but I could never do that.... and I've yet to actually talk to a girl I really liked. Maybe I'm just a jerk, or maybe my awkwardness reduces my chance of having an interesting, engaging conversation with a woman. Probably the latter.

[ECrownofFire]

We bragging about romantic ineptness? 22 (23 in a few months) and zero dates so far. Had people flirt with me in the past, but I was too shy then to do anything about it.

About friendship though: it's kind of hard to get into a pre-established group of mutual friends. It's actually really easy to befriend someone who is alone, though.

The easiest time, I've found, is first year at college. There's usually a bunch of activities, especially at the start, that helps people meet their dorm neighbors, and people will usually have their doors open, again, especially near the start. It probably won't be seen as weird if you just go to the open doors near you during the first week and introduce yourself, make crappy small talk, meet people. Do activities put on by the RA (or equivalent), even if it's not exactly your first choice, especially when it's a pretty small group. Also, during your dorm experience at college, you are provided with a person who you can conveniently drag places/can drag you places. Even if you aren't exactly friends by the end of it, it's good practice. Basically, the entire dorm experience is designed to get people meeting other people.

That's how it's designed, yeah. The problem is that there's no guarantee that you'll find friends like that.

Remember, we're talking about undergrad freshmen. Most of them are there to get drunk, get laid, and vaguely appease the notion that they're there to further their education. If you're down for mindless self-indulgence you'll fit in. If not, you're better off trying to make inroads in your department a few years later--you'll have a bunch of classes with a relative handful of people with some degree of shared interests, and more focused events and programs aimed at the same.

Also remember that not every university or college has dorms, or these are reserved only for people who are from out of town and too poor to afford any sort of housing.

And there's nothing like group tests or assignments to make you either some great friends or hate their guts.

Also there's people like me who got into a dorm late so I never got a chance to do any of that beginning of the year stuff. Not that I would've done any of that regardless.

But that's all irrelevant now because I'm in a brand new city and have no friends. And I have no idea what to do here. Yay.

[Shook]

Clearly you should use your dragony powers to demand tribute and amass a hoard of wealth/friends, lest you will burn the city to the ground.

:v

Also, today it struck me that while i have quite a tendency towards pragmatism when it comes to designing things and such (i.e. this is how my houses in Terraria tend to look), i actually enjoy it more when i decide to put pragmatism a little aside and make things a bit cooler. You're probably still not going to find me making those crazy artistic constructs that a select few extremely skilled people spend months on, but taking artistic liberties on smaller things? Oh yes. I mean hey, i already have most of modern minimalism down (white paint is all that's missing), so maybe i should become an interior designer.

[Flying Dice]

That's easy, just memorize this list of terms and phrases: open concept, stainless steel appliances, subway tile backsplash, granite countertops, what does load-bearing mean, what is a building inspector, what do you mean buying sight-unseen is a bad idea, oh look the wall's full of black mold, the foundation's cracked...

Sorry. My folks watch-and-mock Home & Garden realty reality shows a lot. It bleeds over whenever I visit with them.

[alexandertnt]

Managed to pick up North Korean shortwave transmissions for the first time today. They were playing some kind of music, but I cant make out what it is.

[Tiruin]

It seems like you really need friends to make friends...

Gonna poke the possible despirited underlying tone with people working with their doubts in socializing and having friends here o_o Not speaking for that, but sharing my own experiences.
Late childhood towards early college, I didn't have many close friends at all. Moving from school to school (once) in elementary changed my whole connection base. The same happened in college. I was in the midst of totally new people. I also was dealing with total social anxiety at that time--social anxiety, however, doesn't mean that I'm inept in listening [because that was the usual perception because we didn't know what social anxiety was before, we thought someone being silent may not mean they can respond well {which was the trademark of how my anxiety manifested itself}; this works in the same way these doubts do not mean they are automatically valid (even if it is 'felt as such'; these can be better assessed as the information that comes with it gets better). My dad helped me through this, he told me to make friends: Be a friend in return.
And I learned that that may personally be a fundamental thing for this kind of socializing--when you show these characteristics, these form your social image or your impression, but also work as making a foundation for others to get to know you for later on (ie You can open up with them more!). Reading the past page got me thinking back onto thoughts about how I saw my life in many keypoints of assessment, and contrary to how...I think I seem to be on Bay12, I always didn't have the friends I did now? This had to be made, and in cases of being totally separated that we've to make a new beginning because we have none, the period of 'having nothing' doesn't mean "we can't, anymore". It's always in how we work with the present, with contrast and comparison (eg to the past, for insight) to be used as visual aids rather than conclusions.
Just don't give up.

Spoiler: Also reading the past page had me remember what happened yesterday o_O (click to show/hide)

A friend brought me out on a date.
And then I learned 'date' doesn't necessarily only mean something romantic (because I'm asexual--and by saying this I don't mean anything towards the idea towards me, I mean that I've little experience in these regards because having a girlfriend/boyfriend [former in my case] wasn't much on my mind that most of the observations I had was without firsthand experience ), it meant an event going for getting to know others a lot more. That friend was my buddy ever since I moved to the college I'm in now [after 3 years in the other one ._.;], and this time alone together had us talking about many concerns in our lives--she told me she was grateful for my unique humor [I believe I've got dry humor but she said 'it's something with the mind' in a nice way, and I didn't get that.], and many things in my personality that on reflection, are also things I've had to learn to manifest and express that have become a p. We talked about trust issues and ongoings within what had happened in our years together, along with many bits and concerns of hers as well as many bits of mine. Even first impressions! (ie I was seen as weird as a first impression, until they noticed how I acted in many situations that gave them a better one than 'wow she acts out of place at times o_o'). It was only two hours, but I thoroughly enjoy these times when I get to get to know others more!
Am happy for more experience

[Culise]

Also, today it struck me that while i have quite a tendency towards pragmatism when it comes to designing things and such (i.e. this is how my houses in Terraria tend to look), i actually enjoy it more when i decide to put pragmatism a little aside and make things a bit cooler. You're probably still not going to find me making those crazy artistic constructs that a select few extremely skilled people spend months on, but taking artistic liberties on smaller things? Oh yes. I mean hey, i already have most of modern minimalism down (white paint is all that's missing), so maybe i should become an interior designer.

I can understand that.  To try and make something that wasn't a brick, I literally dusted off some old concept art for Final Fantasy, started working out variations on graph paper, and while I can't pretend my creativity is something impressive, I think I can at least say it isn't completely horrible.  That castle is definitely impressive, and it looks much roomier.  ^_^

I can't really talk to the social side of matters, though, since that seems to be the discussion of the hour.  I have zero friends, zero contacts outside of work or school, only the most tenuous of contacts at work and school, and have never had a relationship on either side of the fence in over 30 years.  I think, in all my history, I've only had one person I'd genuinely call a friend, and I haven't seen them or talked to them in at least ten years now.  That's just me, I think; there's really no helping it. 

[hops]

I don't know about cool houses, but at lesst me and Flame has a cool room.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[Gentlefish]

I'm disgusted impressed.