What? I was just asking questions about his junk! I'm very interested in people's junks, ya know. The big ones are really interesting.
Reminds me of a quote from the Old Man Henderson story:
"[I worked as a male prostitute in Thailand...] Ended up riding some dude's junk all the way back home. Hell of an uncomfortable ride, let me tell you. not meant for the ocean blue. And I would know."
"You... understand the logistics... of riding another man's junk... across the ocean..."
"Well, in a general sense. I took a course on ship building back in college."
These sorts of jokes are completely lost on me. We grew up speaking proper English in my house. I learned the word 'junk' from a James Bond movie: The Man with the Golden Gun. I think I was an adult before I heard anyone use 'junk' to describe genitalia.
Cue conversation:
Some guy: "Oh, dude yeah man...like my junk is so big dawg!"
Me (confused): "You own a boat?"
Some guy (confused): "What?
Me: "A junk is a type of Chinese sailing vessel."
Some guy: "What the fuck you smoking dawg! I'm talkin' 'bout mah dick!"
Me (silently thinking to self): "...I wonder how this particular etymological travesty happened. Probably has nothing to do with boats. 'Junk' as in 'stuff?' 'Useless trash?' Why would he call his own dick useless trash? Perhaps I should clarify."
Me: "Wait...you mean junk as in
junk? Why are you insulting your own dick?"
Some guy: "Dude! Mah dick is huge homie! Chickadees wanna suck it and they like 'Damn, bitch!'"
Me (silently thinking to self): "So, his dick is
junk and girls call him a
bitch because of it? So...it's so small and useless they call him a girl because of it? I wonder if I should let him know that...wait, you know what? I'm just going to let this one go."
Me: "Ok. Well, nice talking with you. Bye, now."
Me: (thinking to self) "Idiot.
Some guy: (thinking to self) "Idiot."
Really, this kind of thing happens to me fairly regularly. A lot of slang is very, very dumb, and often I wonder why so many people try
so very hard to make up nonsense words and start using them with strangers and expect them to understand. It took me
months to figure out whether 'booty' was boobs or butt when I first started hearing it. It's very difficult to deduce that kind of thing from context sometimes, but it seems to violate some sort of social convention to simply ask people what they're talking about. Though I sometimes suspect that people who use slang don't really know what they're talking about either. Chinese junks aren't common knowledge, so somebody must have been really out of it to start calling their dick 'junk' and think it was a good idea. Might as well start calling your face 'ugly' and your biceps 'tiny' and try to impress people with that. Sometimes slang seems deliberately contrary like that. 'Bad' for example, sometimes meaning 'good.' "People are idiots" seems like the simplest solution sometimes.
Anyway, now we have
urban dictionary. It makes life easier.