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[sproingie]

Building a statue garden outside to keep my dwarves from becoming cave adapt.... Long after they had already become cave adapt... So much vomit.

At least you had the good sense to make the walls and statues out of olivine.

Er, they are olivine, right?

[SquirrelWizard]

Stationing a military dwarf next to the edge of a underground river, he got dragged in.

Also, I breached by accident while making my tower cap farm. Luckily it was a corner breach so I was able to quickly remedy the problem, but things could have gone really wrong.

[Set_Beadra]

Building a statue garden outside to keep my dwarves from becoming cave adapt.... Long after they had already become cave adapt... So much vomit.

At least you had the good sense to make the walls and statues out of olivine.

Er, they are olivine, right?

No, thats all green glass. I had magma and sand so everything is glass, mostly everything atleast. Lack of flux stone made getting metal difficult untill goblins started raiding which I didn't get the first goblin raid for over 5 years.
http://mkv25.net/dfma/map-8178-roadmagics this is the terrible fortress I made three floors of it atleast.

[Randomone]

I have a classic facepalm. I had a 2 year old fortress next to a volcano. I had a moat dug and channeled 2 tiles for a pump to fill said moat with magma.

Those 2 tiles happened to be over my magma forges. Which are next to my dining hall. And bedrooms. And meeting area. I had a lot of Fun.

[BigD145]

Okay then. Next time, do not make a drawbridge trap and leave 5 legendary wrestlers anywhere near it. It went up, flung siege enemies, some stayed put and got owned by wrestlers, then everyone got smashed as the bridge came back down.

Lesson learned: do not feed the carp from a bridge

[Set_Beadra]

Just happened an hour or so ago and this time has been spent trying to keep myself from tantrum spiraling out of existence. A giant cave spider was for lack of a better word 'guarding' the exit of my fortress and not allowing my dwarfs to leave so I did eventually manage to drag it into a cage trap after the accidental sacrifice of nearly 10 dwarfs which nearly started a tantrum spiral. I got lucky. Yet I tried to make a giant cave spider web farm but apparently a giant cave spider will not shoot webs through a fortification wall. So now I have a spider inside some fortified walls scaring my dwarfs silly every time they walk down to grab a stone from near it. Any solutions to this?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[xtank5]

Just happened an hour or so ago and this time has been spent trying to keep myself from tantrum spiraling out of existence. A giant cave spider was for lack of a better word 'guarding' the exit of my fortress and not allowing my dwarfs to leave so I did eventually manage to drag it into a cage trap after the accidental sacrifice of nearly 10 dwarfs which nearly started a tantrum spiral. I got lucky. Yet I tried to make a giant cave spider web farm but apparently a giant cave spider will not shoot webs through a fortification wall. So now I have a spider inside some fortified walls scaring my dwarfs silly every time they walk down to grab a stone from near it. Any solutions to this?

I'm assuming those two levers off to the side control the cage the GCS was in and the floodgate that keeps it trapped. 

• Lay down a lot of cage traps around the floodgate.  Make sure to cover all of the angles.  About 5 layers deep just to be safe.
• Find a recently migrated dwarf with as few friends as possible.  Disable most of his labours.  Set the cage and floodgate levers to be controllable only by him (This can be done by Query, workshop Profile).
• Set the cage lever to be pulled on repeat.  Lock the doors to the CGS room behind the dwarf.
• Once the dwarf is in place and the doors are locked, designate the floodgate lever to be pulled.  Cancel the cage lever to be pulled.

If all goes according to plan, the dwarf will go into the room, and stay to pull the cage lever.  Then after you are ready, the GCS is released by the floodgate lever, and then it gets caught in one of the cage traps. 
If it doesn't go according to plan, just route invaders through that room, and dig a tunnel to the lever room to get your lever puller out.

[Set_Beadra]

Awesome. Spider is captured again. Now I will just find another way to make a silk farm. =)

[Tcei]

Try something like this:

Code: [Select]

Key
Red: Fortifications
Green: Doors
Blue: Traps. Be sure to have one right out sidethe door and then another at a diagonal from the door.
S: Spider
D: puppy or other animal
But you can toggle the right combination of forbiden and pet forbidden to keep the spider permanently spewing web for your dwarves to collect. Be warned tho, theres a chance if your spider has been named that he may be able to open door that are pet forbidden. I've had it only happen once in a fort.

[NW_Kohaku]

This isn't so much a facepalm on my part as it is just laughing at the stupidity of the way seiges sometimes go...

I was largely bored, not having any seiges because the goblins apparently decided to call off their war with me, but still chugging through because I was trying to get my major waterworks project done, plus finish all my absurd security measures to protect my dwarves from threats that don't appear.

Then I got the goblin seige that showed up that I talked about in the "gradual rise in difficulty" thread - only one goblin was a threat, the elite marksman who taught me that highly trained marksmen are completely immune to fortifications, and only stopped slaying dwarves because he ran out of ammo.  He was also the only goblin who actually managed to reach my gates (and promptly got caught in my very outer cage trap), while every other goblin just turned and fled.

OK, lessons learned, I'm two dwarves down, (and that makes 8 dwarves total, including the unfortunate accidents, I try to run a fairly safe fort) but ready for the next wave!

It shows up:  This time, they are led by legendaries, goblin local leaders, all three squads!  Umm... wait, what's this?  One of them's MISSING BOTH LEGS?  His socks and boots fly off as soon as he appears, and he pretty much promptly falls unconscious from the pain.  The goblin invasion stops because they don't know how to do anything but follow the leader.

Then the last living fire imp who is missing an arm because of picking too many fights with wandering unicorns regains consciousness long enough to chuck a fireball at them, and torches the whole squad.

VILE FORCES OF DARKNESS, BABY!  Slaughtered by random wildlife that is bleeding out!  OH YEAH!

----

This, however, was only one squad.

The other squads (which had marksmen in them) came as per normal.  Now, because the dwarven caravan had come, I had marked some nearby narrow leather crap for trading.  When the gobbos came, I forbid them going outside.  So my dwarves would try to go outside to pick stuff up, then realize they were outside, and turned around... then went to try to pick it back up.

Because "outside" would be in shooting range, I decided to forbid that crap.  They wouldn't pick up forbidden things, right?  HAHA! NOPE!  That just means that they'll keep trying to go there, AND when I marked that stuff off the list in the trade depot, they STILL went for it.

So, I unforbid the stuff, THEN mark it off the trade depot, and FINALLY, it works... only, my dwarves ARE STILL GOING FOR THE CRAP!  They are listed as having "No Job", but they won't go back until they stand over the crap that they aren't even going to pick up.  Activating and deactivating them in the military does nothing. The gobbos are getting close, so I activate the dwarves in the military, and station them back inside my base.  HAHA! TOO LATE, SUCKER!  They decide that as newly recruited army dwarves, the best thing they can do is make a headlong suicidal charge at a dozen goblin marksmen.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU-

[Fullmoon]

Hmpf. Well, you know what I hate? I hate dorfs' habit of bricking themselves up when building walls/fortifications in my future LiquidTtransportationSystem. You know, like this


######
...@#.  --> exit
######


So, I found a way to work this around.

#######
...##..
#######

#######
...##@.
#######

#######
....#..
#######

# - designated to build
# - built

Yay, go me!

Well, it seems that dorfs found a way to work me around!
Here we have future magma source for forges and glass furnaces. I need a fortification.
  dead end
.............
#############
     ###       
     #.#       
     #.#       
     #.#        

Two dorfs rushed here, one 6 tiles ahead. First one started construction of south wall, I removed another wall, and...

............
######@######
     ###       
     #@#       
     #.#       
     #.#
FFFFFUUUU....
Stupid dorf barely got there when wall was constructed... It's some sort of conspiracy, I tell ya'!

[jerank]

My biggest facepalm ever was in my third orc-mod siege. I had a giant, ballista-covered, trapped corridor with multiple bridges to throw opponents. I never figured on needing more then four champions. Anyway, four squads of orcs attack. I order my external bastion evacuated, forcing the orcs down my narrow corridor'o'doom. Halfway down, I order the bridges raised, resulting in many a flung orc. Then, for no reason whatsoever, my ENTIRE POPULATION decides to stampede down said hall, past, through, over and under the orcs without attacking them, charge headlong into the external bastion, out its gates, into the open, and into the brook! Eighty plus dwarves shoving past bewildered orcs to hurl themselves bodily into the cool, refreshing lake waters for a minute, then stampede madly BACK THROUGH THE ORCS into the dining room, only to REPEAT the process as soon as they had all gotten there, this time those that got past the orcs decided to run off in various directions until they hit the edges of the map. My champions never even left the barracks. I Rage Quit, and never returned.

All death items were forbidden, and dwarves could not go outside. No explanation for this stupidity other then suicidal brainlessness.

[SquirrelWizard]

I had a dragon appear on my map during a goblin siege, I had my doors shut to prevent the goblins from attacking (I'm still not 100% complete with the incenerator).  Now, my plan was to wait out the goblins, and once they were leaving, quickly run out and set some cage traps for the dragon, unfortunantly the dragon had other ideas and promptly killed some of the goblins.

Okay, so teh dragon kills the goblins, but somehow sets himself on fire with his own breath and burns to death.

[BigD145]

All death items were forbidden, and dwarves could not go outside. No explanation for this stupidity other then suicidal brainlessness.

Lack of beer?

[Set_Beadra]

Try something like this:

Code: [Select]

Key
Red: Fortifications
Green: Doors
Blue: Traps. Be sure to have one right out sidethe door and then another at a diagonal from the door.
S: Spider
D: puppy or other animal
But you can toggle the right combination of forbiden and pet forbidden to keep the spider permanently spewing web for your dwarves to collect. Be warned tho, theres a chance if your spider has been named that he may be able to open door that are pet forbidden. I've had it only happen once in a fort.

It didn't work. I built it exactly how you showed there and the spider just stands there staring at the animal while the animal goes nuts trying to escape. I recaptured the spider again but not too sure what to try next.