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[Psychoceramics]

edit: and now a snatcher just made off the with kid! jebus!

Now I'm curious, at what point did your fort crumble to its end? when the snatcher grabbed the kid, or did he have to make it off the map as you watched helplessly?

Or did the game somehow fail to crumble because your last dorf was merely abducted?

the carpenter hadn't died of hunger/thirst yet when the goblin made off with the kid. As soon as he bit the bucket, the fortress crumbled.

[Euld]

'A kidnapper has made off with Baby "Possibly Doomed" Cattenbecor!'

Not a very hard facepalm, but I could have put more effort into ensuring the survival of that baby.  Figures the mechanic with a million children would get injured in the last ambush.  On the other hand, my multi legendary macedwarf wielding an artifact mace (she likes maces, that's why she got it) discovered a goblin ambush while they were out searching for the invisible goblin.  I made sure to pause the game and put on the Gerudo Valley theme from Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.  I took joy in the ensuing slaughter.

[DarkDragon]

I think this goes here:

Building a "flood the nobles rooms with magma" device right?

So I get the pumps set up above their rooms with a large cistern dug out. Planning to add walls to create channels going to each individual room, then levers attached to bridges that will drop the magma into their rooms.

First try: I turn on the pumps.. realize as the channels are filling that I forgot to build the bridges. Quickly abort and let the area "dry" out and then finish building the damn traps before trying again.

Second try: Ok, bridges built, rigged to levers, all's well. Even made sure I had bauxite mechanisms and the bridges are Iron.

Wait... why are my bridges deconstructing and my rooms flooding prematurely?

Seems I got the mechanisms that go to the lever and the mechanisms that go to the bridges backwards. So I put my bauxite mechanisms on my nice safe levers and my normal ones on the bridges...

*facepalm*

Abort... retry... fail.

[purplearcanist]

Digging up/down starcases too close to the magma pipe.  Lost my best miner, who also happened to be the leader.

Hunting with a champion.  High agility meant this guy could bag kills quickly, until it fought an alligator, and got wounded.

[Lord Dakoth]

In one of my (failed) forts, I had the main entrance run through the barracks. The reasoning behind this was that kobolds and snatchers that ran in would interrupt my sparring champions and end up as wall decor.

I only had four champions, and most of them were usually in transit between the barracks and the meeting hall, so I missed a few snatchers. So, I put in a few weapon traps in.

Five minutes later, I trace the deaths of six or so peons to my barracks. The homeless morons were going to sleep on the floor, RIGHT BELOW THE WEAPON TRAPS.

</headdesk>

[NW_Kohaku]

My dwarves have all been trying to clean up the tradesplosion mess I created (see this thread), which is something of a facepalm all by itself, but since I've decided that I'm just going to live with the results without cheating (any more than I was to create the mess in the first place... provided you don't consider atom smashing your garbage cheating) to clean it up, that it pretty much all balances out. 

Except it turns out that dumping refuse takes priority over ALL other hauling jobs, and a fair deal of other jobs*.  One of my problems?  Wait, is that miasma coming out of my kitchen?  My kitchen reserved solely for the use of my founder legendary cook and trader?  What's rotting?  Why, it's a dwarven syrup roast.  Basic value?  27,000 dwarfbucks. 

I mean, yeah, that stuff exists to be eaten, but watching something worth more than most artifacts rot away just STINGS, what with my generally going for economic activity over military or megaprojects.

* Such as mining, so I have to take refuse hauling off my legendary haulers, which isn't so bad, because I'm just going to take this opportunity to hit all those little platinum, aluminum, silver, hemitite, magnetite, cassiterite, horn silver, copper, and a couple of assorted gem veins that I struck while doing my major construction projects while my lower-ranking miners are stuck hauling wooden helmets to the smasher.

[druid91]

I recently started playing relentless assault, started out in the desert over a magma pipe. No water, Not one drop that I could find. I figure eh not much of a problem Ill just make sure to heavily armor the melee fighters once the military gets started. so Everything is running smoothly , moat dug, massive pit with retracting drawbridges linked to a lever. So when a lizard men siege shows up I thought hey no big deal Ill just drop the bridge and wait them out. one of my farmers ran out to pull the lever and gets terrified by the approaching lizard men and runs back into the fort that I have yet to install proper doors on. This has got to be the worst of it right? No no no their just getting started bewildering me with their genius, So I recruit the legendary record keeper as an axe-dwarf and sent him against the siege recruiting the peasants to delay the siege long enough for him to get the gear. I lost three of them causing rampant unhappiness as they apparently had many friends. but the record keeper finally gets out there and pretty much single handedly saves the entire fort battling the lizard men back to the bridge where th decide to cut there losses and run for it and the record keeper is standing there on the bridge, In my head I'm imagining him at this point raising his axe in the air and yelling "And don't come back!" to the retreating lizard men. Sounds good right no it is not, now that he realizes that there are no enemies outside one of the farmers rushes out to pull the lever dropping the hero of the fort into the huge pit effectively killing him as both of his arms and one of his legs are broken and we have no water. And now I get cancel spam as the entire fort tries to get him water.

[Euld]

Deconstruct all the beds when he gets thirsty, he might just get alcohol himself instead if he can still walk.

[druid91]

thanks I will try that.

[Fullmoon]

Modded dwarfs so they don't eat, only drink (well, I actually thought it would be too cruel to add [NO_DRINK]). You know, for megaproject experiments. Embarked on nice 2X5 map with ocean below cliff in west and magma pipe in east. And lots of soil layers, so my living quarters were in sand, so no legendary dining room. Turned out to be my severe mistake.

Well, the problem was that one mason catched fey mood, claimed workshop and started demanding something I didn't have. And of course I hadn't looked up if he demanded something unusual, because, hey, he wasn't some picky crafter or clothier. Then I left fortress running in background, because my obsidian casting workshop required massive masonry...

After 15 minutes and few unpausings (you know, all these You struck Talc! x5) I noticed that one of dwarfs is extremelly unhappy. Thoughts - oh poor dorfie, he lost two friends! Hmm, how this happened? Oh, that mason berserked and killed female craftsdwarf and her baby. Oh, no problems, my mayor will help him, right? Opps, so that craftsdwarf was mayor's wife? Damn. Five sec later mayor tantrumed, and kicked another dorf down main stairwell. Tantrum spiral ensues. Wow. Facepalm.

[mal7690]

My current fortress has a large cistern hooked up to the river as a pressurized water source for traps/forced washing/etc.

So I have a pipe going from 3 z-levels below that cistern to drowning trap at my entrance.  I finish all the linking just in time for a siege, the first stage of the trap works perfectly, pull the lever to drown the gobbys and the next thing I know my entire front lawn was flooded with water.  I go and troubleshoot the problem and find that I didn't put a room on the chamber.

[Set_Beadra]

Building a statue garden outside to keep my dwarves from becoming cave adapt.... Long after they had already become cave adapt... So much vomit.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

This child is wearing no clothing.... Only vomit.

[Kipi]

First post, though have been lurking around about month or so...

I had my latest facepalm just moments ago with my latest fortress. Plain 6*6 area with magma and lots of woods. I had spent several hours to create first wall around my embarking point (planning on building aboveground except farms, housing, studies and dining hall) and was creating water reservoir system to supply my the inner moat and well (outer moat was supposed to have magma). I had just finished my 10*10*4 reservoir (aboveground, like in Rome), which included clearing the area and making the blocks.

Now, when I begun to look for the closest point of brook, I noticed that my embark site doesn't actually contain any brook or river.
*facepalm*

What made the matter worse, I really spent a lot of effort to drain all the lakes inside the first moat dry for connecting those to the water system safely...

[Psychoceramics]

Building a statue garden outside to keep my dwarves from becoming cave adapt.... Long after they had already become cave adapt... So much vomit.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

This child is wearing no clothing.... Only vomit.

why, he's more vomit than child!

[darthbob88]

I was in the middle of a siege, and the attackers had managed to wade through the field of cage traps at my entrance, allowing them to finally come to blows with my champion hammerdwarfs. One champion, having interpreted the order to "stay on station here-ish" determined that here-ish included the area outside the curtain wall, and was promptly shot, leaving his corpse and all his armour outside with the orcs, which I would deal with momentarily. In the meantime, some lesser champions were training up their unarmored wrestling, and I decided to send them in soon, after they'd gotten armoured up, so I ordered some armor forged and the troopers armoured up. Since I'd ordered reclaim death items on, those junior champions decided that the best place to get armor was off the corpse of the dude outside. So, multiple unarmoured champions decided to charge out, through a bloody horde of orcs, to get a dead dwarf's armour. Face, meet palm.