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Author Topic: CHICKEN KNIGHT [SG]  (Read 26295 times)

King Zultan

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Re: CHICKEN KNIGHT [SG]
« Reply #60 on: August 16, 2020, 03:07:00 am »

After we solve the get more loot problem we need to go after the goats to get revenge for our fallen comrade!
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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
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Kilojoule Proton

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Re: CHICKEN KNIGHT [SG]
« Reply #61 on: August 16, 2020, 02:17:19 pm »

Quote
GREED or maybe GOATTONY is the sin of GOATS.
Peck the quest-giver in the lower body and leave a "present" on his shoe.
Ask the quest giver for introduction to a more senior quest giver with a MORE FAVORABLE EFFORT TO REWARD RATIO.  Use that exact term.  Explain as such to the gang of hooligan chickens that this is how you level up to the best rewards like a broccoli and cheese casserole.
Revenge on the goats?

AFTER YOUR VOICES HAVE HAD A SHORT DISCUSSION ON WHETHER GREED OR GLUTTONY IS MORE INTRINSIC TO GOATS AND WHETHER YOUR RECRUITS ARE JUSTIFIED IN DEMANDING A GREATER REWARD FROM THEIR OWN HOMETOWN, YOU ARE PLEASANTLY SURPRISED TO HEAR SOME OF THEM AGREEING WITH EACH OTHER. IT'S A SHAME BECAUSE ONE OF THE DISSENTING VOICES WAS SUGGESTING PRETENDING TO HUNT DOWN OTHER SORCERBUTTERERS ONLY TO RUN AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK EXCEPT FOR PILLAGING, BUT THE TRAUMA OF THE LAST ONE STILL HEAVY ON YOUR MINDS OR SOMETHING. THUS, YOU PECK THE QUESTGIVER IN THE LOWER BODY, BRUISING THE GUTS THROUGH THE XLARGE LINEN SHIRTX! THE QUESTGIVER LOOKS SICK! THE RECRUITS JOIN IN, BUT LACKING YOUR WONDERFUL METAL HELMET, DO SOMEWHAT LESS DAMAGE. AS THEY CONTINUE PECKING AT THE QUESTGIVER, YOU LEAVE A CONCILIATORY PRESENT OF GUANO AND ASK FOR A MORE SENIOR QUEST GIVER WITH A MORE FAVORABLE EFFORT TO REWARD RATIO AND TURN TO EXPLAIN THIS ROUND OF BARGAINING TO YOUR COMRADES. THEY CLUCK AGREEABLY AND HUNGRILY. THE BLOOD OF DINOSAURS IS STRONG IN THESE ONES. THE QUESTGIVER RETCHES AND POINTS TO AN ELDERLY VILLAGER WASHING SOME CLOTHES.

YOUR PARTY SAUNTERS OVER TO YOUR NEW QUESTGIVER AND YOU CLUCK THE DETAILS OF YOUR PREDICAMENT AND VAGUE THREATS SHOULD ANY CASUALTIES ARISE AS A RESULT OF THE QUEST. THE NEW OLD QUESTGIVER LOOKS IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION AND GIVES YOU A QUEST:

"Why thank you, dearies. Could you help me with these clothes? My back isn't what it used to be, har har har!"

THE QUESTGIVER DOESN'T SEEM TO HAVE PROMISED ANY REWARDS FOR SUCH A QUEST. YOUR PARTY GROWS RESTLESS. ONE OF THEM SUGGESTS JUST ENACTING A PLAN OF REVENGE ON THE GOATS PRO BONO (WITH A SIDE DISH OF UNINTENDED DONATIONS TO YOUR CREW).
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Maximum Spin

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Re: CHICKEN KNIGHT [SG]
« Reply #62 on: August 16, 2020, 02:26:09 pm »

BEGIN HELPING WITH THE CLOTHES. THEN, WHEN YOU HAVE A CONSIDERABLE PORTION OF THE CLOTHES HOSTAGE, SUDDENLY DEMAND FULL OWNERSHIP OF THIS FILTHY VILLAGE IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR HELP. DANGLE BLOOMERS OMINOUSLY OVER SOME VILLAGE MUD FOR EMPHASIS.
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lukerules117

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Re: CHICKEN KNIGHT [SG]
« Reply #63 on: August 16, 2020, 03:29:16 pm »

Clearly the quest giver has an excess of clothing leading to an unreasonable amount of time spent washing and we are meant to relieve her of the burden of her extra clothing. The reason for not mentioning an additional reward is that we get to keep whatever we take.
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Stirk

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Re: CHICKEN KNIGHT [SG]
« Reply #64 on: August 16, 2020, 04:06:19 pm »

WE ARE A CHICKEN KNIGHT. YOU HAVE DONE WELL REMEMBERING THE FIRST HALF BUT HAVE ALLOWED YOUR CHIVALROUS VIRTUES TO ATROPHY UNDER THE GOATLIKE SINS OF GREED AND GOATTONY. MAYBE LUST AND WRATH TOO. GOATS CAN GET PRETTY ANGRY AND HAVE HORNS MAKING THEM HORNY BY DEFAULT. IN ANY CASE WE MUST BE THE JUST KNIGHT THAT THE SECOND HALF OF OUR TITLE IMPLIES!

HELP HER WITH HER CLOTHING. THEN GO TO EACH HOUSE AND HELP THEM WITH THEIR CLOTHING. ENSURE THAT EVERY DUNG COVERED PEASANTS HAS THEIR PROTECTING DUNG COVERING REMOVED AS EVERY PIECE OF CLOTHING IN THIS VILLAGE IS PUT ON THE CLEANING LINE. EXPECT NO REWARD AND INSURE THAT OUR MINIONS LEARN THE VIRTUE OF SOMETHING OR OTHER FROM THIS DEED.
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Maximum Spin

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Re: CHICKEN KNIGHT [SG]
« Reply #65 on: August 16, 2020, 07:32:18 pm »

WE ARE A CHICKEN KNIGHT. YOU HAVE DONE WELL REMEMBERING THE FIRST HALF BUT HAVE ALLOWED YOUR CHIVALROUS VIRTUES TO ATROPHY UNDER THE GOATLIKE SINS OF GREED AND GOATTONY. MAYBE LUST AND WRATH TOO. GOATS CAN GET PRETTY ANGRY AND HAVE HORNS MAKING THEM HORNY BY DEFAULT. IN ANY CASE WE MUST BE THE JUST KNIGHT THAT THE SECOND HALF OF OUR TITLE IMPLIES!

HELP HER WITH HER CLOTHING. THEN GO TO EACH HOUSE AND HELP THEM WITH THEIR CLOTHING. ENSURE THAT EVERY DUNG COVERED PEASANTS HAS THEIR PROTECTING DUNG COVERING REMOVED AS EVERY PIECE OF CLOTHING IN THIS VILLAGE IS PUT ON THE CLEANING LINE. EXPECT NO REWARD AND INSURE THAT OUR MINIONS LEARN THE VIRTUE OF SOMETHING OR OTHER FROM THIS DEED.
I, THE OTHER DAMPER VOICE, AM ALSO OPEN TO THIS. IT'S KIND OF A TOSSUP OVER WHETHER WE CARE ABOUT THE OTHER CHICKEN RECRUITS OR NOT. I MEAN, THAT ONE WAS APPARENTLY SEXY, BUT THERE ARE OTHER CHICKENFISH IN THE FILTHY PEASANT VILLAGE SEA.
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King Zultan

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Re: CHICKEN KNIGHT [SG]
« Reply #66 on: August 17, 2020, 05:36:56 am »

I AGREE WITH THE OTHERS LET US CLEAN THIS DIRTY VILLAGE AND REMOVE ALL THE STANK ASS FILTH, AND WE SHOULD ALSO KILL ANY GOATS WE SEE IN THE VILLAGE!
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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
Quote from: Leodanny
Can I have the sword when you’re done?

Kilojoule Proton

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Re: CHICKEN KNIGHT [SG]
« Reply #67 on: August 18, 2020, 12:56:52 am »

Quote
Wash everyone's clothes for "free"
Are you sure you wish to kill goats in this village?

YOU AND YOUR FEARSOME GANG OF CHICKENS TAKE TO WASHING EVERYONE'S CLOTHES AMID LOUD AND INCREASINGLY GRATING GRUMBLING FROM YOUR RECRUITS ABOUT MUD AND GREASE. YOUR PARTY IS LESS THAN IMPRESSED WITH YOUR CHOICE IN QUESTS. YOUR QUESTGIVER SHOWERS YOU IN COOKIES FOR YOUR HELP, AND YOU GET THE DISTINCT IMPRESSION "MONEY LAUNDERING" IS LESS LUCRATIVE OR GLAMOROUS THAN IT IS OFTEN MADE OUT TO BE IN ROSIN RICHARD STORIES. REGARDLESS, IT ONLY TAKES AN HOUR OR TWO FOR HALF OF THE VILLAGE TO LINE UP HOPING TO ENLIST YOUR HELP WITH THEIR LAUNDRY. AS THE SUN BEGINS SETTING ON THE TIRELESS LAUNDRY BRIGADE OF TINYTHORPE, IT COMES TO YOUR ATTENTION THAT SOME OF YOUR RECRUITS ARE MARGINALLY BETTER DRESSED THAN THEY WERE IN THE MORNING. TOPPING OFF THIS REVELATION, YOU NOTICE A FAMILY OF GOATS IS NEXT IN LINE TO HAVE THEIR CLOTHES WASHED. SOMEONE CURSES THEM FOR BEING BAD GOATS AND NOT EATING THE CLOTHES INSTEAD. ANYWAY, YOU NOW STAND IN A POSITION TO DETERMINE THEIR FATE. WILL YOU EMBRACE THE PATH OF FORGIVENESS OR VENGEANCE? IF THE LATTER, YOU WOULD BE VERY MUCH IN THE DEBT OF WHICHEVER VOICE COMES UP WITH A BATTLE PLAN OF SOME SORT. YOUR KNIGHTLY TRAINING LEFT MUCH OF THE FINE DETAILS OF FIGHTING IN VILLAGES AS AN EXERCISE FOR THE READER..
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VoidSlayer

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Re: CHICKEN KNIGHT [SG]
« Reply #68 on: August 18, 2020, 01:19:56 am »

The primary terrain in a village is the villagers themselves.  Fighting from the high ground is key, so climb up the villagers onto their head's before jumping down onto the goats.

King Zultan

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Re: CHICKEN KNIGHT [SG]
« Reply #69 on: August 18, 2020, 03:29:40 am »

THERE IS NO TIME FOR MERCY WHEN THERE ARE GOATS ABOUT, LETS KICK THEIR ASSES!

ALSO +1 TO CLIMBING THE VILLAGERS FOR THE HIGH GROUND!
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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
Quote from: Leodanny
Can I have the sword when you’re done?

lukerules117

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Re: CHICKEN KNIGHT [SG]
« Reply #70 on: August 18, 2020, 01:56:55 pm »

In staying true to our neutral nature I say we choose the path of vengeful forgiveness and intentionally take longer than needed to wash the goats clothes, then as we put them up to dry we "accidentally" drop them in the dirt and start the whole process over again, but this time we do a really poor job.
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Kilojoule Proton

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Re: CHICKEN KNIGHT [SG]
« Reply #71 on: August 19, 2020, 03:07:12 am »

Quote
The primary terrain in a village is the villagers themselves.  Fighting from the high ground is key, so climb up the villagers onto their head's before jumping down onto the goats.
YOU MUTTER A WONDERFUL BATTLE PLAN FROM YOUR VOICES REGARDING FIGHTING FROM HIGH GROUND, I.E. VILLAGERS' HEADS. YOUR PARTY GLEEFULLY AGREES, AND AFTER A FEW MINUTES OF PRETENDING TO WASH CLOTHES, YOU SIGNAL FOR THE OTHERS TO PUT THE PLAN INTO MOTION. FIVE VENGEFUL CHICKENS FLY ONTO THE HEADS OF NEARBY VILLAGERS AND SLASH AND LOOSE AN UNEARTHLY CROWING BEFORE FALLING UPON THE TERRIFIED GOATS! THIS CAUSES A GENERAL PANIC IN WHICH ALL BUT TWO OF THE GOATS MANAGE TO FLEE TO WHO KNOWS WHERE. SAID GOATS QUICKLY FALL TO YOUR VICIOUS ASSAULT, AND WITH BLOOD HAVING BEEN SPILLED, YOUR RECRUITS' MURDEROUS RAGE SOON DIES DOWN AS REALIZATION SETS IN. THIS COINCIDES WITH THE ASSEMBLY AND ARRIVAL OF A LARGE AND ANGRY MOB, WHO CHASE OUT YOUR PARTY WHILE THE GOATS MOURN THE FALLEN. (+1 TINYTHORPE INFAMY) PHANTASMAL FLIES SETTLE ON YOUR PAULDRONS AS NIGHT FALLS. A BIZARRE FEELING OF SOME SORT (GUILT? RAGE?) BUILDS UP AS YOU ROOST. THE FLIES BUZZ A LOT, KEEPING YOU FROM GETTING MUCH REST. WHAT'S WORSE IS THEY ARE NOW INEDIBLE DUE TO THEIR GHOSTLINESS.

(A) "HOW COULD YOU, LEADER? HOW COULD YOU? THIS MURDER SPREE ISN'T CHIVALRIC AT ALL! YOU KNOW FULL WELL THE DEATHS OF YOUR RECRUIT, THE HELPER FLIES, AND THE GOATS ARE IN YOUR CLAWS! THERE IS HOPE, OF COURSE. LEADER, I SUGGEST JOURNEYING TO THE ABBEY OF THE PEACEMOTHER, CHICKEN GOD OF PEACE, DEEP IN THE GRIM WOODS, AND ATONING FOR YOUR SINS. ONLY THEN WILL YOU ADVANCE IN YOUR QUEST FOR KNIGHTLINESS. I HEAR THE ABBEY ISSUES PLENTY OF ATONEMENT QUESTS I MEAN ATONEMENT ADVENTURES TO KNIGHTS IN SIMILAR POSITIONS."
(B) "DON'T LISTEN TO THAT FLY, BOSS! YOU DID WHAT YOU HAD TO DO! THEY GOT WHAT WAS COMING TO THEM! YOU KNOW, BOSS, WITH YOUR TALENTS, I THINK ALL YOU NEED IS A RICH COMMANDER WHO CAN SEND YOU ON MORE FULFILLING QUESTS. THE CORNPOPE'S LAW IS IN EFFECT EVERYWHERE SUN AND SOIL TOUCH, OR SO THEY SAY; LET'S FIND A PROPER LIEGE-LORD WHO CAN SET YOU UP WITH SOME LAND, PEASANTS, AND PROPER MISSIONS! REMEMBER, BOSS! IT'S ONLY WRONG IF THEY CATCH YOU, AND THEY CAN'T CATCH YOU IF YOU'RE THE ONE CATCHING THEM!"
(C) "What kind of world do you even think this is? Beg forgiveness of nebulous gods? More murders in service to the court intrigue of the week? Listening to talking flies?? Seriously? What you really need is a trip to the lunatic asylum! They'll sort out this whole bloody business or my name isn't Steve!"
(D) SOMETHING ELSE?
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Maximum Spin

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Re: CHICKEN KNIGHT [SG]
« Reply #72 on: August 19, 2020, 04:25:32 am »

D SUMMON VAST RESERVES OF WILLPOWER TO THE PURPOSE OF EATING ANNOYING FLIES NO MATTER HOW ECTOPLASMIC, THEN SETTLE IN FOR A LONG DISCUSSION WITH OUR RECRUITS ON THE SUBJECT OF MORAL PHILOSOPHY, THE RIGHTS OF GOATS, AND THE REALISTIC PROBABILITY THAT THAT OTHER GUY/CHICKEN DIED OF NORMAL CHICKEN STUPIDITY INVOLVING FIRE AND ALCOHOL (AND BUTTER FOR SOME REASON). THEN SEGUE INTO THE TOPIC OF KNIGHTLY HUMILITY AND CONVINCE WHICHEVER RECRUIT SEEMS MOST CHIVALROUS TO TAKE OVER LEADERSHIP OF THE GROUP, FREEING OURSELVES FROM THE BURDEN OF MAKING DECISIONS WHILE WE GRAPPLE INTERNALLY WITH THE QUESTION OF OUR DECAYING SANITY.
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King Zultan

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Re: CHICKEN KNIGHT [SG]
« Reply #73 on: August 19, 2020, 05:37:40 am »

D THE GOATS ARE CORRUPTING EVERYTHING, THAT MEANS WE NEED TO FIND THEM ALL AND KILL THEM!
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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
Quote from: Leodanny
Can I have the sword when you’re done?

Superdorf

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Re: CHICKEN KNIGHT [SG]
« Reply #74 on: August 19, 2020, 09:42:56 am »

D SUMMON VAST RESERVES OF WILLPOWER TO THE PURPOSE OF EATING ANNOYING FLIES NO MATTER HOW ECTOPLASMIC, THEN SETTLE IN FOR A LONG DISCUSSION WITH OUR RECRUITS ON THE SUBJECT OF MORAL PHILOSOPHY, THE RIGHTS OF GOATS, AND THE REALISTIC PROBABILITY THAT THAT OTHER GUY/CHICKEN DIED OF NORMAL CHICKEN STUPIDITY INVOLVING FIRE AND ALCOHOL (AND BUTTER FOR SOME REASON). THEN SEGUE INTO THE TOPIC OF KNIGHTLY HUMILITY AND CONVINCE WHICHEVER RECRUIT SEEMS MOST CHIVALROUS TO TAKE OVER LEADERSHIP OF THE GROUP, FREEING OURSELVES FROM THE BURDEN OF MAKING DECISIONS WHILE WE GRAPPLE INTERNALLY WITH THE QUESTION OF OUR DECAYING SANITY.

+1
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