Mankind progressively colonised
(bravo, anclicisation, not americanization, please keep like this!) the vicinity of their home planet, expanding slowly with a technology that barely allowed
them to reach 1/10th
the light speed. But the discovery of a rogue planet made of antimatter made the scient
ificists to revise their
s baryon asymmetry model, but also provided humanity with a virtually infinite source of energy.
(nothing to do with editing, but in this scenario I'm wondering how they - presumably - mine the planet... At the same time, it unravelled the mystery behind inactive ancient stargates as they were powered with antimatter.
(want to put a new-clause comma after 'stargates', but it could be confusing with the similar one after 'time')New and exotic faster-than-light propulsion systems were develop
ped, it was now possible for humans to expand without limitation in the galaxy, and they did, eagerly, stunningly fast.
("[...]and they did. Eagerly. Stunningly fast." might work better, or leave it.A centralised federation structured the expansion
. , tThe fede
aration ruled unchallenged
, so as long as they controlled this unique supply of antimatter. No challenge meant that an inefficient and decadent bureaucracy was building up.
(consider "(the) Federation", both times here and later, to give them a feeling of an official identity, unless you're determined not to even hint at their name - or that they don't name themselves as "The <Foo> Federation" in the first place in your internal background)At the same time a charismatic prophet appeared, preaching a new religion,
(Another Full-stop/New sentence point?) he managed to convince the population of the core worlds, weary of the economic
al troubles due to the uncontrolled colonization, that exploitation of antimatter was a heresy
??that they had?? to fight. The message even reached the hearth of the agnostic,
(start new sentence?) while they didn't believe in any god, the economy at the same time continued to worsen, and it became clear this prophet held at least a political solution.
One day, a bold group of zealot
s took control of the entire defense system that protected the antimatter source. They immediat
ely cut the antimatter supply and a new order was created
(...reads to me like "a new instruction" rather than "a new governance" - maybe "(?N?ew) Order" is better, but only if they call themselves that). It took only 5 days before humanity's stock of antimatter ran out. Every single colonized
(z->s, based on prior use) planetary system
s were was (or "All colonised systems were") suddenly isolated
, with to the exception of a few “loyal” core systems. Even faster-than-light communications were cut, as they
?also? depended on antimatter.
It was an
unconcevable inconceivable disaster for most colonies. The few self
-sufficient colonies manage to survive, but most plunged into barbarism or banished
<= ?vanished? - also "collapsed/died(-out)/failed" would work.
This situation prevailed for hundreds of years, but the religious order had
(try changing had->suffered?) the same fate as the old federation. A decadent society was to be replaced by a new one, in the same brutal manner.
("The decadent society" or "a newer one". One or other. And religious orders tend to be ostensibly against decadence - this one especially - so not sure you mean that. Consider "collapsing/failing", whatever does not repeat the prior suggested item you may have adopted in the prior paragraph)An empire emerged,
(start new sentence (or semi-colon this comma, instead)?) a strong, bold and violent empire. Supported by a fierce population that
?had? endured the strict leadership of a religious order. The supply of antimatter was immediatly and massively unleashed to the core worlds.
(not sure about "unleashed", perhaps "released"? Also "immediately", can't be bothered to open yet another single-character double-tagged bit )It was the time of a new colonisation era, but a brutal one. As the new empire
's ambition was to first rule on
on->over? all the remnants, thousands of forgotten colonies. Any adventurer
, with an armed spaceship and some mercenaries could conquer several world
s. Soon enough
, the empire was no more than an huge an
d decentralized
s->z! agglomerate
("to agglomerate" into "an agglomeration" is something you might do, but mostly with 'stuff', not meta-entities like 'governments'. Do you mean "conglomerat(-e/-ion)"? "coalition"? Many other terms exist that you can work with, but you already had "federation" so maybe avoid "confederation" just for non-confusing rhetoric) of little empire
s, ruled by ruthless warlords.
("It is at this point that you, the player, will write your own story."?->)This is when the player will start write his own story. I wont make any suggestions, or tell you what you can or can't do, the game will give you the liberty to chose.