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Pictured: "Our Robert", oil on canvas, commissioned by Mistress Hume 5 years ago, currently hanging in the parlor of Hume Manor. Despite well-meaning requests from the portraitist, Robert insisted on standing behind the backdrop. Mistress Hume is on record allowing this on account of "at least I got the bastard into ceremonial dress for once".Somewhere along the tail end of Phonicopagus Bend, a little ways past the soaper's shop but not quite as far into the depths as the servant repair shrine, there is an ill-kept house. It's changed hands a fair number of times, rented from its stern wraith landlord by no less than three venerable clans fallen on hard times and then summarily repossessed (along with certain personal effects) for defaulting on rent one too many times. The latest tenant, one Dark Mistress Yolanda Hume, is something of an upswing in the general quality of the clientele, being a full vampire in addition to an infamous duelist and thus entitled to certain privileges despite, as far as anyone can tell, neither doing nor seemingly wanted for anything particularly useful. Her rather meteoric fall from the upper crust of vampire society straight into the untouchables of the nobility, apparently so scandalous that it is still spoken of rarely and only with the biggest of shit-eating grins on one's face, has carried two particular bits of humanoid debris into the hole with her. The first is Gollenvee, her stalwart, long-suffering gnomish wightservant. The second is one Robert Kuath.
Robert is something of a curiosity around Phonicopagus Bend, being nearly 8 feet tall and notoriously capable of both wrestling a warhorse to the ground and, on a good day, clearing the width of Phonicopagus Bend to land straight on the neighboring collier's roof. Wearing the infamous crown of Virkhov Hume (one of the few heirlooms not sold during the Darker Days to make ends meet), wearing a rather rough-looking coat of tanned and heavily enchanted rhinoceros hide and wielding an adamantine axe that looks enormous even in his hands, he makes for an integral if openly dreaded part of the local color along with his rather peculiar employer. He also happens to be the chief source of the household's income, mostly by being hired out to other necrocrats during leaner times in return for generous dispensations as befits his status as master headsman and infamously lateral thinker.
Pictured: "To Mom", by Robert Kuath, hung right next to his own portrait whenever the Dark Mistress neglects to regularly take it down.Bought at an early age from a distant nomadic tribe of mountain-dwelling not-quite-giants (to this day not dislodged and properly brought into the necrocratic fold due to a combination of prodigious size, disagreeable temperament, overwhelming terrain advantages and the inexorable will to use them), Robert has lived in one necropolis or another his entire life, following the Dark Mistress along the path of her various misadventures in high vampire society. Her sudden and precipitous fall from grace, however, marked a notable turning point in Robert's life as, deprived of any other outlet for her considerable skills in making things dead, she applied (and indeed still applies, when she can find the time) herself to teaching him as much of what she knew as she reasonably could, which to his credit he has taken to very well - though about as personable as the humanoid boulder he superficially resembles (he seems to be much more of a visual than a verbal thinker) and criminally lacking in patience, making things die horribly is something Robert genuinely appears to enjoy (much to the Dark Mistress' satisfaction). Against all odds, he seems to be well on his way to turning out quite well. She still wishes the cheeky bastard would stop calling her 'mom', however.
Despite Robert's vocation and indeed the worse nature of everyone involved, the atmosphere at Hume Manor (if you'll pardon the misuse of the latter word) is rather pleasant, in its own macabre sort of way. Robert tends to work his way through the summer, when the nights are short and there's gold aplenty to be earned, sometimes not returning home for weeks at a time in pursuit of particularly involving jobs, and take a well-earned vacation during the winter, spending quality time with his Dark Mistress over many an hour of grueling martial practice and extremely taxing card games.
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Topic: Stillborn Gods | D&D 3.5 Forum Thread (Roll20, Almost Not Not Dead) (Read 10446 times)