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[Whisperling]

Trip someone. Or many someones.

[Tymewalk]

Detaching from the wall with a tired hiss, creep up and peek out of washing machine to see if there's anything that might make a worthy host for a Queen.

(Like a kitten-menacing abomination?)

(Two rolls - get up and search)
1d10 = 1

You detach from the wall, slipping and falling onto the floor, which cracks beneath you.

1d10 = 10

Although despite this, you see the perfect hosts outside. Including a very happy man wearing a green shirt, who seemed to suddenly appear.

When did he get there?

Wait for inevitable pie lovers to come visit my house. In the meantime, but a butcher's knife.

(One roll - buy)

1d10 = 9

You successfully get the butchers knife kit (complete with 3 knives!) at a steal! What would normally be a $200 value, is now just $19.95!

Lets see just how minimalist this game has become...
NO.

It was never about minimalism. Instead it's about you doing whatever. That includes just saying no
1d10 = 5

Your cries go unheard.

Set up a table outside my house and put the pitcher of lemonade on it. Write a note saying "Free lemonade", and put that on the table, too. Return inside my house afterward.

(3 rolls - set up lemonade stand, write note, and return to house)

1d10 = 1

Aw, snap! Your table snaps and spills lemonade all over you. What a mess!

(Other actions canceled as a result.)

Pick up my sharpened rock, go outside, and attack someones tree.

(1 roll - attack tree)

1d10 = 9

You successfully attack a tree, gaining 50 WXP (worthless experience points) and a huge hunk of wood. Which somehow fits into your pocket.

Aren't RPGs magical?

Teleport outside and see my neighbors Hello all!

Check my surroundings

(1 roll - observe surroundings)

1d10 = 7

What a wonderful thing! You quickly see things are starting to get a little crazy - failed lemonade stands, living rocks, Eldritch Horrors...

Oh, what fun!

Name: Thavidu
Gender: Male
Age: ??
Appearance: Your typical teenager.
Inventory: 3DS with a SMT4 cartridge in it, iPhone, knife, some random book, black clothes.
Personality: He's the quiet type, but can get very aggressive when annoyed. Has a dragon fetish and he doesn't want anyone to find out about it.
List three of your favorite things: Dragons, sharp things, math.
What's 6 * 9?: 54

Accepted.

You wake up in your bed, which has some math homework from last night. All completed correctly, with proper shown work, of course.

You look outside. What the heck is going on there?

Frank just goes inside, bringing his Eldritch Abomination with him.

"I'll name you Kevin."

(1 roll - enter house)
1d10 = 7

You successfully enter the house.

Kevin nods and accepts his new name.

Grab my *Steel Battleaxe* and kill the eldrich horror, save mah Pocket Kitten!

1d10 = 1

You trip, flinging the axe high in the air. It lands squarely on your head, sharp side down.

You're not bleeding though. It's just a fancy new hat!

...OK, now you're bleeding. You should probably look for a hospital.

Rosencrantz shall go outside and make some new friends! He won't let his tentacle horror come with, though. No need to get off on a bad foot with the neighbors.

(1 roll - go outside)

1d10 = 4

You slip, nearly falling face-first into the pavement, but you regain your balance. You're a little shaky, but luckily not tasting the ground right now.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Spoiler: Translation (click to show/hide)

Hey, I'm awake pretty early! Well, you know what they say, the early letter ends up with a cat in a bag and a can of spilled beans. On second thought, I don't think anybody says that.

AAAAAAAAAAAA looks around his(?) room and bangs his head on the wall repeatedly.

Step outside and scream incomprehensibly, like I do every morning

(1 roll - go outside and greet neighbors)
AaAA A A

JK.

1d10 = 2

You instead walk outside normally and appear to gesture to another neighbor to engage in a proper conversation.

Darn.

Attempts to build a house out of nothing but sticks

(1 roll - build)
1d10 = 10

You build a fully-functioning mansion out of nothing but sticks.

Name: Sir Borkington the Third
Gender: Male
Age: BORK !
Appearance: You are the proudest and noblest of canines, that is, a beagle.
Inventory: Chew toy, Property deed to the Dimmsdale Dimmadome (? ? ?)
Personality: BORK ?
List three of your favorite things: BORK, BORK and BORK
What's 6 * 9?: BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK (There are 53 BORKs, you can count)

ACCEPTED

BORK BORK BORK
Am I the only one thinking of the Swedish Chef?
LOOK NEW NEIGHBORKS

happy bork

Hey, I made an updated version of the rosters. Please feel free to copy and paste it for the OP.

Players

Spoiler: Player Roster (click to show/hide)

This represents how the players are now. If you want to see sign-up sheets for some reason, just click on the link above the quote.

Name: Zoh Roark
Gender: Male
Age: Yes, he does age. At the normal rate, too.
Appearance: Short sleeved black shirt, slightly worn jeans, short black hair, blue eyes.
Inventory: 3DSXL, Clothes, iPhone, pencil, notebook.
Personality: Calm and logical, but not in the sane way. He know's the world's insane, and that he isn't, so he tries his best to retain a modicum of composure in whatever happens. May change.
List three of your favorite things: Magic, transformation, logic.
What's 6 * 9?: Assuming the asterisk is a point of rotation, Ying-Yang. Assuming it's somehow a multiplication sign, 54.

Name: Nix Johnson
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Appearance: Wears very tacky sweaters, the kind you should only see around Christmas, and also has a tricorne hat.
Inventory: Iphone, Watch, Swiss Army Knife, stress ball, shades.
Personality: A very benevolent sociopath, who genuinely tries to be helpful and kind to other people, not because he sees them as people, but because trying to live in a sensible and orderly way is funny to him.
List three of your favorite things: Sweaters, cats, murder.
What's 6 * 9?:  Remove the asterisk, and it's something that could get me banned from this forum just for mentioning.

Name: Frank
Gender: Male
Age: 47
Appearance: A grumpy looking man.
Inventory: An unlabeled book.
Personality: Constantly angry.
List three of your favorite things: Yelling at kids, recalling the good old days, and chameleons.
What's 6 * 9?: 30. Obviously.

Name: Moony
Age: 52
Race: Dwarf
Gender: Male
Appearance: A short sturdy dwarf with a medium size beard, he has bright blue eyes and a deer leather shirt with many pockets.
Inventory: Pocket Kitten (dawwww), Small bag of cat food.
Three favoite things: Kittens, mechanisms, Traps
Personality: Logical, Anger issues.
Whats 6*9: NaN

Name: Bob
Gender: Male
Age: ??
Appearance: The Builder
Inventory: A shovel, a wrench,fleshlight, flashlight, yellow working helmet,
Personality: Can we fix it?
List three of your favorite things: Cans, fixing, building
What's 6 * 9?: UHH UHH 42! Wait, what was the question again?

Name: Cathulu
Gender: Male
Age: Nope
Appearance: Large, long Green dreadlock hair, moderatly Japanese looking
Inventory: Sharpened Rock, Flint & Steel, loincloth
Personality: Don't ask.
List three of your favorite things: Magic, Construction, Eldritch horrors from beyond reality.
What's 6 * 9?: Something screwed up by a period like structure...

Name:Specimen XX121
Race:Xenomorph Warrior.
Gender:?
Age:1.
Appearance:A perfect organism.
Inventory:Two eggs, and the beginnings of a hive tunneled under an old washing machine in the dump.
Personality:Unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality.
List three of your favorite things:Queen, Hive, Hosts.
What's 6 * 9?:Either a threat, an opportunity, or nothing.

Name: AAAAAAAAAA
Gender: AAAAAAAAA?
Age: AAAAAAAAAAA!
Appearance: Many, many ethereal AAAAAAAAA's bound together by unknown forces in a vaguely humanoid shape.
Inventory: A wooden block with a red 'A' on it, rusty switchblade, binoculars
Personality: What the hell is a personality?
List three of your favorite things: The alphabet, numbers, screaming incomprehensibly
What's 6 * 9?: AAA- this joke is already getting old.

Name: Erin
Age: 22
Race: End spawn (Enderman)
Gender: Female
Appearance:Image.
Inventory: Glowing purple sword, Enderman hat, ender pearl necklace
Three favoite things: Humans, weapons, candy
Personality: Curious on nearly everything mundane, also helpful
Whats 6*9: What?

Name: Gneiss
Gender: Metamorphic
Age: Unknown.
Appearance: A pet rock.
Inventory: Roughly four cubic feet of compressed gravel.
Personality: None.
List three of your favorite things: feldspar, quartz, and mica.
What's 6 * 9?: I'm pretty sure rocks can't do math.

Name: Nyothulthelthazoth, translates to Rosencrantz
Race: Eldritch Wight
Gender: Not applicable, but closer to male
Age: Older than time
Appearance: A two headed humanoid with 8 tentacles and fly-like wings. His eyes glow bright white. His ashen skin seems to swim with shadows.
Inventory: Eldritch knowledge, a tome of eldritch knowledge, the Necronomicon, and a pet arachnid horror.
Personality: Insane, driven to complete madness by his eldritch knowledge. Rosencrantz likes arachnid horrors for their grasping pincers.
Three favorite things: Insanity, horror, writhing tentacles
What's 6 * 9?: Nyarathoshoghotep, an arachnid horror that roughly resembles a giant scorpion. It possesses two powerful pincers that can tear through flesh and bone. It is covered in black chitin. Its eyes are white.

Name: Thavidu
Gender: Male
Age: ??
Appearance: Your typical teenager.
Inventory: 3DS with a SMT4 cartridge in it, iPhone, knife, some random book, black clothes.
Personality: He's the quiet type, but can get very aggressive when annoyed. Has a dragon fetish and he doesn't want anyone to find out about it.
List three of your favorite things: Dragons, sharp things, math.
What's 6 * 9?: 54

Name: Sir Borkington the Third
Gender: Male
Age: BORK !
Appearance: You are the proudest and noblest of canines, that is, a beagle.
Inventory: Chew toy, Property deed to the Dimmsdale Dimmadome (? ? ?)
Personality: BORK ?
List three of your favorite things: BORK, BORK and BORK
What's 6 * 9?: BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK (There are 53 BORKs, you can count)

Notable NPCs

Spoiler: Notable NPCs (click to show/hide)

Pocket Kitten:At maximum cuteness.
Kevin the Eldritch Horror:KNEEL BEFORE FRANK
The Scarecrow Strongman:Scary McScarypants.
Rosencrantz's Arachnid Horror:grasping pincers
Rosencrantz's Bearable bound tentacle horror:Cosmic horror on a budget.
Two Xenomorph eggs:Best when fried.

Thanks a lot!

You gain a +/- 1 Amulet of Helping, which will add or subtract one from your helping rolls. (It adds or subtracts based on which one would be the best.)

Trip someone. Or many someones.

(2 rolls, because I'm just giving them away now - continue to exist and trip someone)
1d10 = 3 + 2 (experience existing for your whole life) = 5

Yikes, better be careful! You almost didn't make it out of that one.

1d10 = 1

You instead trip yourself. You're a rock. How is that even possible?

[crazyabe]

I Carve myself a new house, then go rob one of my neighbors at sharp rock point.

[NRDL]

"Aww, nobody came. Oh well, gotta get my pies somehow."

Visit my old neighbour with my butcher's kit and turn him into meat pie filling.

[Enemy post]

Pick up Gneiss the rock, and climb up on top of Frank's house.

Too bad about the dwarf. I was hoping it would help me. By the way, what's this town called?

[Whisperling]

"Whoo! See ya never, slate!"

"...Oh, uh, beats me."

Be picked up by that one guy with good taste in rocks.

[Rethi-Eli]

Rosencrantz immediately returns to his house and tries summoning a few more eldritch horrors. The more the merrier, amirite?

[Lenglon]

Denied!

[Neoexdeath]

Thavidu decides that it was better to stay indoors for now. He changes into his casual clothes before going into the living room to grab his 3DS and play some SMT4. Maybe he will be able to beat that accursed Minotaur this time.

[OceanSoul]

Quickly take off shirt and wring it to get all the lemonade back in the pitcher. If successful, say "Free lemonade!" and head back into my house.

[Coolrune206]

Frank plays chess with the Eldritch Horror.

[Goggles]

attempts to contemplate life while fiddling with a fiddle
"I, just built a mansion out of sticks... Without tools, I must be going CrAzY"

[Bluexdog]

Take some lemonade and mingle with neighbors

[Legendary Marksdorf]

BORK ON NEIGHBOR TO ACQUIRE FRIENDSHIP

[MoonyTheHuman]

Magically heal self.