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[nezclaw]

To the survivors of Ochreransack.

If you would please do something about the corpses lying around that would be splendid. I know the recent changes to the stress system have been hard on you, but leaving bodies around to generate miasma isn't gonna help that any, ok?

By the way, would everyone bitten by a weretortoise please report to the hospital for quarantine?

[Deus Machina]

Dear Urist McIdiotEngraver,
I don't know what your issue is, whether you think you dropped something (you didn't), or want to admire your carved fortification, that crappy floodgate, or the rough orthoclase walls, but if you continue to run up the filling well pipe until you get your head under water, get pushed down into the well, climb your bruised drowning self out, and repeat this, I won't be inclined to close the flow off.
I would have, but you're both learning to swim and being a big enough moron that I doubt it would be any major loss if you do drown.

[Deus Machina]

Dear forgotten beasts:
STOP.
The fortress isn't yet three years old and we've hosted seven of you. One of which roasted a jabberer and camped under the tree it set on fire until it collapsed and killed it, one got literally torn apart by wrestlers (a man made from mud, really?), the next killed the entire military and then got its skull caved in by a random spinner, another got unceremoniously eaten by a GCS, and the most threatening one got cocky in charging the resident bling ogres who didn't break a sweat beating it to death, and two just wandered off.
Seriously, give it a rest.

[Kagus]

the resident bling ogres

So, what is this, exactly? ICP: Insane Cavern Posse? "Fuckin' mushrooms, how do they work?"

M.C. Ogre, "Can't See This?"

[MobRules]

Dear Urist:

In addition to saving the lives of several civilians by buying them time to run inside, I am impressed by the positive attitude you maintained throughout.

Your tomb will reflect this.

[Deus Machina]

the resident bling ogres

So, what is this, exactly? ICP: Insane Cavern Posse? "Fuckin' mushrooms, how do they work?"

M.C. Ogre, "Can't See This?"

Well, that was a typo (how my spellcheck doesn't catch 'bling' I haven't the foggiest), but now I'm choosing to believe the largest of them is wearing a polished forgotten beast skull on a chain.

[Dunamisdeos]

the resident bling ogres

So, what is this, exactly? ICP: Insane Cavern Posse? "Fuckin' mushrooms, how do they work?"

M.C. Ogre, "Can't See This?"

Well, that was a typo (how my spellcheck doesn't catch 'bling' I haven't the foggiest), but now I'm choosing to believe the largest of them is wearing a polished forgotten beast skull on a chain.

He can't see anyway.

[Hengikjoptr]

the resident bling ogres

So, what is this, exactly? ICP: Insane Cavern Posse? "Fuckin' mushrooms, how do they work?"

M.C. Ogre, "Can't See This?"

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"...I ain't a savior. I'm what you call a juggalo and all I want is my flavor. Four simple things in this ditch, before I die..."

Ahem... Couldn't resist. Now, back to memo'ing...

Dear Urists McMigrants,

Where is that goldern scroll you brought?!
I'm really interested in censoring whatever freaky fiction with 'The Dwarf, My Life' title you brought.

Sincerely,
Hengikjoptr the Unsure

[brotundbutter]

Dear Urist McCarpenter,

I know starting a new fortress is exhausting work, and I know you're very tired after hauling everything in from the wagon, but if you could stay awake for five minutes and place the bed you just made, you could have a much better rest than if you just step out of your workshop and plop down in the dirt. I'm not saying you have to, but if you spend the next five years dwelling on how uncomfortable you were sleeping on the ground, I'm not going to be pleased.

[spazyak]

Dear Legendary Mace Dwarf,
I get that you are stressed, I get that you are upset but can you please stop killing those in the clinic who have minor wounds. If you are going o bash anyone in the head, please, let it be a cripple and not someone who just needs a band-aid and a good rinse.

[Firebird766]

Dear Urist McMiners:

Yes, I've designated quite a large amount of terrain for you to dig. And I understand it might seem like a lot of work. But that is no excuse to dig one square, then go all the way to the stairs, down one floor, back so you can dig another square in the same general location but one floor down, only to go back up the squares to dig the square next to the one you originally dug.

I swear to Armok, I will throw the both of you in with the Doomed Migrant Squad and send you out to raid a necromancer tower if you keep this up.

[Eric Blank]

Unfortunately thats just how the dig pattern is. Its best to designate either one z level at a time, or not place two active work zones directly on top of one another. Because they consider the dig pattern more important than the time lost/distance travelled between z-levels.

[Deus Machina]

Dear military of Pleatmountain,
When you are assigned armor of every type and no weapons, that means you are expected to train dodging and armor use. Wrestling, punching, etc. is an optional bonus.
It does not mean that, since you don't have weapons, you might as well hang out drinking.

[Deus Machina]

From: Melbil Boardswims, mayor of Pleatmountain.
I demand you make two tables!

Re:demand for tables.
Alright, sir, your tables are finished.

Re:Re:demand for tables.
I want three more tables!

Re:Re:Re:demand for tables.
Fine, sir. Here's three more.

Re:Re:Re:Re:demand for tables.
Thank you, Urist McTablesmith.
TWO MORE TABLES!

Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:demand for tables.
Sigh. Alright, I finished up your ta----_

CRASH
TAAAAAAAABLESSSS!

[NordicNooob]

Dear Urist McUnhappy

I understand that it can be difficult to go on without your loved ones for an extended period of time, especially since you value family. This is magnified by the fact that the one you are missing is your wife. However, there is unfortunately nothing we can do to help you, as your wife and children must migrate to the fortress of their own free will.

Nonetheless, your extreme unhappiness is unacceptable. We have a large variety of activities and overall working conditions are good. There is no reason for you to be this unhappy, your only unhappy thoughts are from lack of family (which I fully understand and can sympathize with, but cannot do anything about) and your remembrance of the one time you ate without a table for no apparent reason, as the fortress has had a well-established and properly set up dining hall since its founding. If you throw another tantrum I will not hesitate to station you under a drawbridge and lie to your family of your whereabouts should they ever migrate.

Please stop this,
         Management