Turn 16:
Take a shot at SMJesus while he is jumping away.
While the snake is preoccupied with ungluing it's mouth, I'll take the risk of jumping on its back, so as to be safe from it's bite.
ONWARDS TO KILLING THE BRAINDEAD!
Sparky Spd: 5+3=8
SMJesus Spd: 5+3=8
Snake Spd: 5+3=8 (Excuse me rng, what are you doing? Also, I do belive this is the first time I've had a 3 way tie...)
D.E.A.T.H. Spd: 2-3=-1
Sparky Dex: 2+1=3
SMJesus Spd: 3+3=6
SMJesus Dex: 3+3=6
Snake Spd: 1+3=4
Snake Str: 6+1=7
Snake Dex: 4+2=6
SMJesus Spd: 2+3=5
Snake Str: 6+1=7
SMJesus End: 5-3=2
Sparky sees SMJesus about to make their move, and fires another round of arcane pellets at him. However, the frisbee holding mans leaps out of the way, and grabs onto the snake's back. He easily finds a hold, but the snake is none to pleased by this. First, it expands its jaw to its maximum width, finally dislodging the gooey substance. Then snake begins to twist and turn, and thrash around. Doing so, it successfully dislodges its passenger! SMJesus is thrown off by the violent shaking, and lands painfully on his back. At least he was tossed to the outskirts of the battle.
D.E.A.T.H. loses his patience, and starts going through the swamp as a shortcut. He can now see the battle going on here. SMJesus is closest to him.
Try to drain the driver again.
"I feel for ya, Grahm. Why don'tcha give the cannon a good time?"
Offer the cannon. Use the ring to slow the car.
Be the aiming and firing guy, I guess. Try to bury the car in lava, then shoot the driver with the fang gun if he manages to survive.
Drive as far south as possible this turn, then rip up some of the upholstery to serve as a bandage.
Run from all the people, and take cover.
Greeny Spd: 6+3=9
Hagrow Spd: 5+2+1=8
Grahm Spd: 2+3=5
Car Spd: 3+4-2=5
Sophie Spd: 1+1=2
Greeny Aff: 1+3=4
Greeny Dex: 4+2=6
Brutus Aff: 2-3=-1
Brutus End: 1+2=3
Car End: 1=1 (Windshield, Windshield, Roof)
Brutus Luk: 1+1=2
Brutus End: 5+2-3=4
Greeny raises their crystal once more, focusing it straight on the driver's noggin. Combine with his injuries, the draining is enough to knock Brutus unconcious. Now conked out, his head falls onto the steering wheel. The car's horn sounds continuously as it veers off towards the forest, smashing into a nearby tree. Fortunately for Brutus, the airbags work, and he is not immediately harmed by the crash. However, the impact breaks the whole windshield into tiny pieces, spraying Brutus. He receives a bunch of scratches in various places. The roof begins to fall apart a bit more as well. Brutus stays unconscious, but doesn't yet bleed out from his injuries. The car begins to repair itself, but Brutus might not live long enough to keep using it...
Hagrow Aff(Backfire): 6+1=7
Hagrow Aff(Potency): 5+1=6
Car End: 1
Brutus Str: 6+3=9
Brutus End: 5+2-3=4
Hagrow End(Ring): 1+1=2
Hagrow End(Sickness): 3+1=4
Hagrow End(Injuries): 5+1=6
Hagrow raises their ring towards the car, it already being stopped. It is quite far away, but the ring still works. The increase in gravity smashes the car downwards, ripping open the front and back tires. In addition, the car's roof falls into the vehicle, pushing down on Brutus. The deadly driver is forced harder into his seat and against the steering wheel. However, even unconscious his ripping muscles totally ignore the gravitational wave. As a result, he takes little damage, enclosed as he is within the car.
Hagrow can resist the ring's sickness inducing affects no longer, and collapses into a cold sweat, unable to stand. He can barely resist the urge to vomit. He has to take this ring off asap. Despite his bleeding injuries, he stays awake.
Grahm Dex: 5+2=7 (Yep, that's a hit all right.)
Grahm eagerly accepts the cannon with a grin. After calculating a good angle to fire the cannon at, he opens fire! Brutus is coated completely in lava. Predictably, he does not survive this. Grahm feels healing emanate from the fang pistol, but he's already in good health.
Brutus is Dead! Grahm Luk: -5-3-3-1=-12 (Oh boy)
As the lava cools where Brutus used to be, a shimmering portal appears in the air near Grahm. Out of it falls an incredibly shiny... couch? The couch is transparent, and appears to be made of diamond. There appear to be a lot of moving parts inside. He can't tell what they're for. Looking upon it, he feels the urge to dance.
Grahm Aff: 6+2=8
He successfully resists said urge, despite wanting to celebrate his first new piece of loot in a very long time.
Sophie End: 3
Sophie Spd: 4+1-2=3
Sophie End: 1
Just about everyone here seems content to ignore Sophie, who crawls off into the distance, ducking behind a small hill that blocks her from view. Her injuries don't worsen, but she passes out from the pain. She might die soon if left untreated.
Neat. Cangla further experiments with her anchor. Can she turn only a part of herself intangible?
Cangla Aff: 2+2=4
Cangla continues to test her Anchor. Looks like the answer to that question is a yes.
Map:
https://imgur.com/a/DA0S45: Name: Hagrow (Paphi)
Looks: Quite nude
Kills: 2
Health: Mostly Fine. Life energy a little drained. Large gouge in chest, moderately burned. Right hand torn up moderately. Moderate bleeding. Very sick. Right handed.
Inventory: Silver ring(Can enhance gravity. Causes wearer sickness. Worn.), Huge wooden cannon(Shoots lava, requires blood). Keytar(Wielded).
Stats:
Strength: --
Endurance: +
Dexterity: +
Speed: ++
Affinity: +
Luck: --
Loot Type: Negative
6: Name: Greeny (Beirus)
Looks: Completely green. Follows in the footsteps of another, much greater green dude. He's not as great, but he makes up for it with passion and determination to be greater.
Kills: 2
Health: Mostly Fine. Life energy a little drained. Feels rather sick. Right handed.
Inventory: Vital Ruby (10 Endurance Drained(Max). Increases End by 5. Right hand.), Fang Pistol(Held in Grahm's left hand.), Crackling Yellow Holy Roller-skates(Worn).
Stats:
Strength: ---
Endurance: ---
Dexterity: --
Speed: +++
Affinity: +++
Luck: +++
Loot Type: Positive
8: Name: Grahm (Whisperling)
Looks: A short, thin man with greying hair. He is wearing a vast assortment of mismatched, ragged, and poorly-repaired clothing.
Kills: 1
Health: Mostly Fine. Left handed.
Inventory: Shiny Couch, Flame Slingshot stuck to right hand, various rocks in pockets, various sticks in pockets.
Stats:
Strength: -
Endurance: --
Dexterity: ++
Speed: +++
Affinity: ++
Luck: ---
Loot Type: Negative.
14: Name: Sparky (Yottawhat)
Looks: Skinny looking man in running shorts.
Kills: 1
Health: Fine. Right handed.
Inventory: Molasses Shotgun(Right hand), Green Cape(Worn, +1 Aff)
Stats:
Strength: -3
Endurance: -1
Dexterity: +1
Speed: +3
Affinity: 0
Luck: +1
Loot Type: Positive
15: Name: Reaperweed2 (a character from another game) (ATHATH)
Looks: Imagine an animate plant with bread replacing the flowers, wearing a black hood (contrary to common belief, reapers do not always have scythes). That's basically what he looks like.
Health: Fine
Inventory: Lightning Pin
Stats:
Strength: --
Endurance:
Dexterity:
Speed: +++
Affinity: +++
Luck: ---
Loot Type: -
17: Name: SMJesus(Sosoku234)
Looks: A 19 year old red haired bully with a tattoo of a heart with MOM writing inside. He wears a white wife beater, comically tight jeans, and way too nice high tops.
Health: Fine. Right arm covered is molasses. Back hurt. Upper body bruised. Legs a bit bruised. Right handed.
Inventory: Plastic Frisbee(Left hand), Molasses Chunk(Right hand)
Stats:
Strength: -2
Endurance: -3
Dexterity: +3
Speed: +3
Affinity: -3
Luck: +3
Loot Type: Negative.
18: Name: Derick Edward Alen Tommy Horstashio the Third(crazyabe)
Looks: he Looks like a Sentient Gorilla whom Escaped the Zoo.
Kills: 1
Health: Fine. Left Handed.
Inventory: Pocket Scourge(Left hand), Dark Round Shield(+1 Dex)
Stats:
Strength: 3
Endurance: 2
Dexterity: 2
Speed: -3
Affinity: -3
Luck: 0
Loot Type: Positive
Handedness: West, if he's walking north(Left then)
19: Name: Sophie Lou 2.0(wipeout1024)
Looks: Blond bikini babe (and android), who found herself here during one of her sunbathing sessions.
Health: Heavy damage to upper body. Heavy internal damage to upper body. Heavy damage to left leg. Large damage to right leg. Lots of broken bones. Severe pain. Right handed.
Inventory: Blood Shotgun(Right hand, Dex+1)
Stats:
Strength: -
Endurance:
Dexterity: +
Speed: +
Affinity: --
Luck: ++
Loot Type: Positive
20: Name: Cangla Nonss (FallacyofUrist)
Looks: A woman with glassy skin and a silver dress.
Health: Fine. Right handed.
Inventory: Metal anchor(Both hands)
Stats:
Strength: +++
Endurance: ---
Dexterity: --
Speed: ---
Affinity: ++
Luck: +++
Loot Type: Positive
Why didn't you press the clone button Brutus? WHYYYY? Also, I'm SO sorry about this wait.
I always feel so much pity when someone gets absolutely brutalized but doesn't immediately die. Sort of like, it might actually be more merciful to just say they died and shove them back in the wait list, but rules are rules. Anyway, you've probably noticed by now that some attacks can hit multiple body parts at once. This generally only happens with big impacts like Brutus's car, but there has been more than a few instances where this has occurred. I bet Whisperling is feeling pretty good that they finally got some new loot. They've been in since the first turn, and I'd probably be jumping for joy were I in their place. Still, a -12 item... That's the highest absolute value yet!