Meanwhile, amongst some mildly perturbed bugbears...The first one to start moving is
Dyler Turden, stepping towards the gang of bugbears.
"Hey there! You want to join the
<REDACTED>, don't you? Well, we're accepting new members!"
...The group all stop in their tracks, most of them raising eyebrows and snickering to themselves. However, the second one's incoherent chatter seems more curious than dismissive. He seems convinced, somewhat, that he wants to be in the
<REDACTED>, no, he NEEDS to be in it, despite never having seen a seal nor owned a club. He does seem to think the rest of the group may be seals, though, and is now looking around for a decent club to club them with. At least he'll be busy doing something else.
The next to leap into action is
Kobosh the Professor, attempting the classic "Fish in the Tree" move, the oldest trick in the book!
"I'll handle this. Evening, good fellows. My name is Gre- er Professor Kobosh... Ah, say, crikey - is that a fish in yon tree behind you?"...Thanks to Dyler's (literally) laughable attempt at diplomacy, most of the bugbears aren't really paying attention to the professor's tree-fish stories. However, one particularly vigilant bugbear at the front of the pack can't help but turn around to check, just to be sure. A fish in a tree? How
hilarious would that be???
...Once it becomes apparent that most of the enemies don't believe in fish, trees, or fish
in trees, Kobosh realized he may have left something on the bus. Or someone had left something on the bus. At some point in their lives. And if he wasn't going to take advantage of that, who would? He climbs back aboard the bus, the bus driver gesturing wildly for him to get off and actually fight, or to get off because he hasn't paid the fair or...look, it's hard to understand mute people who don't know sign language. Sticking his head under one of the seats in the back, he's surprised to find a brand new accordion! Well, brand new is hardly true. It’s covered in stickers of half-naked orc babes, more than a few pictures of cartoon characters peeing on things, and...what he REALLY hope are beer stains. Looks like a frat boy left this behind.
Gained Beer-Battered Accordion - +1 when used against stench, hot, or drunk enemies. Also makes you feel disgusted with yourself for using it....Newfound accordion in hand, Kobosh charges back out of the bus, bus driver looking on still somewhat concerned, and dives into a bush just to the west of the pack, completely out of sight of everyone! What luck!
Just then,
Tor Tiss leaps into action!
...By "action" of course, I, the narrator, mean bushes. He pokes his head out from the top of the bush, head glistening in the sunlight. Across the way, he spots the bushes rustling and curses himself for not jumping into the bushes that possibly-maybe-likely had a possible turtle to tame! If only he could make his way over there!
Feeling left out,
Busy Hernan literally jumps into the fray!
...Missing the wind in his bushy hair and the sun glinting off his clothes, Hernan decides to scale the bus. The bus driver is less than pleased, but at this point he appears more like he's merely given up on trying to keep people off his bus. Hernan on the other hand, makes decent headway climbing to the roof. He assumes the surfer position and gazes down onto the arrangement of people and creatures below. It reminds him of a penis. Heh.
...Terry Pin flies into bat-oh wait no he just tripped on the steps leading up the bus.
...Carleoni Spice-a-roni bravely ent-wait nope he just tripped over Terry and knocked a couple teeth out on his shell. Ouch.
Bugbear 1 looks around wildly for the tree fish, to no avail. He seems disappointed.
Bugbear 2 is still looking for his clubbing club and
...find a MASSIVE STICK hidden in a bush, and hefts it over his head, only for it to crash down on top of him.
Gained MASSIVE STICK - Gives a +1 to all attacks...but requires a 5 or 6 on attack roll to lift it.Bugbear 3 tries to bite Dyler Turden and
...stumbles at the last minute, only managing to take a bite out of the ground.
Bugbear 4 attempts to simultaneously bear-hug and tear-up Tor Tiss and
...really just succeeds in giving him a nice, warm hug.
Bugbear 5 charges straight at Dyler Turden
...catching him off-guard! The bugbear picks up the Seal Clubber and pins him agains the front of the bus, shattering both of the headlights and putting a similar shatter into several of Dyler's bones!
Busy Hernan the Disco Bandit
Inventory: Disco Mask, Disco Ball
Health: Tubulaaaaar
Dyler Turden the Seal Clubber
Inventory: Seal Skull Helmet, <REDACTED>
Health: Broken Ribs
Kobosh the Professor the Accordion Thief
Inventory: Mariachi Pants, Stolen Accordion
Health: Disgusted with himself, but Good
Terry Pin the Turtle Tamer
Inventory: Helmet Turtle, Turtle Totem
Health: Lying down on the job, but Good
Corleoni Spice-a-roni the Sauceror
Inventory: Hollandaise Helmet, Saucepan
Health: Losing teeth quickly
Tor Tiss the Turtle Tamer
Inventory: Helmet Turtle, Turtle Totem
Health: Good, but envious of the other bushes
Bugbear 1
Health:
Grrrrreat!Status: Distracted by...*pfft* treefish
Bugbear 2
Health:
Slighty SquashedInventory: MASSIVE STICK
Bugbear 3
Health:
Grrrrreat!Bugbear 4
Health:
Grrrrreat!Bugbear 5
Health:
Grrrrreat!Bus Driver
Status: Peeved and flailing
Bushes
Status: Possibly Turtle-y
Bus
Status: Not doing good
Author
Topic: Nobody Likes the Lackeys - Chapter 2: Drive My Meatcar (Beep'm beep beep yeah!) (Read 8520 times)