Meanwhile, in front of a bus and it's obviously-sick-of-this-shit driver...The big guns have been brought out, literally!
...Dyler Turden is sick of having broken ribs, a very internal injury with no real external wounds. The solution? Why, patching it up with
bugbear seal hide, of course! Unfortunately, bugbear hide is extremely difficult to remove from the body, so he just takes the Bugbear-hide pants Bugbear 1 was wearing instead. As he puts them on, he feels much better, almost as if his new pants managed to heal all of his wounds! Wow!
Gained Bugbear Bung-guard: Makes you feel a bit sturdier! Sure, it's itchy and feels like a jockstrap made of shag carpeting, but it's sturdy!
...Tor Tiss is still hurtin', but resting usually helps with hurtin'. At least emotional hurtin'. Unfortunately, pretty much all the hurtin' he's feeling is physical.
Fortunately, after having a 90-second power-nap, he actually feels a lot better! His wounds have sealed up somewhat, and most of the bruises are gone! He almost jumps up to celebrate, before noticing a small pair of eyes looking up at him from his belly. Reaching out to touch the new friend, he notices that the turtle's shell is covered entirely in fur! Or...hair? Grass? It's not quite clear, but it's definitely fuzzy. And might make a nice new hat.
Ready to join the battle again, Tor carefully puts his new friend, whom he has yet to give a name to, on his head and climbs back up the cliff to see a brand new scene unfolding before him. A bus? Crazy.
Gained Fuzzy Green Turtle: It's a turtle with...moss? Pine needles? Fungi? Whatever, SOMETHING is growing on its shell, and it's pretty damn cool.
...Busy Hernan starts feeling the rhythm of the fight. It's kind of, like, a solid groove, yknow? Really gets you into a jumping mood, you know what I mean by a jumping mood? Either way, he just can't miss.
And miss, he does not! Hernan channels his inner funk-lord, taking a jump, a leap, a bound towards
...the bus itself! A final jump, combined with a perfect toe-spin sends the Disco Bandit twirling into a roundhouse kick. His heel connects with the windshield of the bus, causing the entire pane of glass to shatter inwards and send the bus lurching slightly backwards. The back wheels thunk down off the ledge of the plateau. The bus driver scowls more, but looks back at his closest actual threat:
Terry Pin, feeling invigorated and ready to
fight drink, leaping into action!
...Or perhaps inaction is more appropriate. Terry, not exactly being the stealthy sort, charges towards the bus driver yelling. It's even less effective since he was staring at Terry from the start. He manages to duke Terry's charge, matador-style, only for the determined turtle tamer to leap up and attempt to punch him in the head anyway!
...Only to whiff and barely skim the top of the guy's hat. Terry goes tumbling to the ground once more, defeated by....well, himself. The driver, on the other hand, gets an idea!
...After aggressively chugging his beer, the bus driver smashes it over the grounded Terry's head! Ouch.
Bus Driver gains
Broken Beer Bottle - It's not a knife, but it sure hurts like one.
Corleoni Spice-aroni steps back for a moment. A lot of stuff just happened. He's confused. Scared. Mildly toothless. He sits down for a minute to contemplate his own existence. Why is he fighting? What is his purpose? If he were a sauce, what exactly WOULD he be?
...Going into a deep contemplative sauce trance, Corleoni focuses SO hard on the sauces of his past, present, and future, the sauces of the world, of time itself. When he awakes, he feels much more in-tune with these sauces, but not exactly too saucy himself. Looking up, he watches as a single drop of marinara falls from the sky, splattering on the ground in front of him. He cries, but only a single tear.
"Sirs. Wait! Mr driver - do you have an accordion you'd consider selling? And if so where is it?"Kobosh the Professor, being a accordion-obsessed man that he is, never passes on an opportunity to potentially gain more accordions.
...The bus driver flips Kobosh off. Which is extremely impressive considering he's holding a revolver in both hands.
...However, that changes very quickly once Kobosh begins playing his dreaded 'Waltz du Je Ne Parle Pas Français'. The resulting chord progression and excessive force emitted by the Sleazy accordion blows the bus driver's left arm clean off! He looks surprised for the first time since they met him. And a bit panicked.
The Bus Driver, having dealt with one of his attackers, decides to point his remaining revolver at the guy who just BLEW HIS FUCKING ARM OFF.
Unfortunately, having only one arm isn't too great for recoil, and his shot goes wild, taking a chunk out of the dirt next to Kobosh.
Busy Hernan the
Disco BanditInventory: Disco Mask, Disco Ball
Health:
BrahCooldowns:
Suckerpunch (1)Dyler Turden the
Seal ClubberInventory: Seal Skull Helmet,
<REDACTED>, Bugbear Bung-guard
Health:
DandyEffects:
Seal Clubbing Frenzy (2)Kobosh the Professor the
Accordion ThiefInventory: Mariachi Pants,
Beer-Battered AccordionHealth:
GoodCooldowns:
Sing (1)Terry Pin the
Turtle TamerInventory: Helmet Turtle, Turtle Totem
Health:
Scalp CutsCooldowns:
Patience of the Tortoise (2)Corleoni Spice-a-roni the
SaucerorInventory: Hollandaise Helmet, Saucepan
Health:
Missing Front TeethEffects:
Sauce Contemplation (3)Cooldowns:
Salsaball (1),
Tor Tiss the
Turtle TamerInventory: Helmet Turtle, Turtle Totem, Fuzzy Green Turtle (Familiar)
Health:
A bit soreCooldowns:
Patience of the Tortoise (2) 
Bus Driver
Health: Missing Left Arm
Status: *Angry gesturing*
Inventory: Broken Beer Bottle, Stick of Dynamite x4, Revolver x1
Bus
Health: 70% IntegrityBushes
Status: Possibly Turtle-y
Mysterious Purple Woman
Status: Pissed at the world
Author
Topic: Nobody Likes the Lackeys - Chapter 2: Drive My Meatcar (Beep'm beep beep yeah!) (Read 8374 times)