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[SOLDIER First]

Being a ghost is only necessary when you're on the job, after all.

Really, I don't see anything wrong with his backstory as-is because mine are always terrible so I can't accurately judge the work of others.

[Chevaleresse]

Just running the fuck away would work and would also play into how you've established him as stealthy

plus it gives him a reason to continue a career as a sniper because he can take revenge on the shits that fucked up his life forever

[Empiricist]

In my opinion, the fame isn't really an issue. As long as the fame is either attributed to whatever pseudonym he works under, or he just uses false identities, such that someone who knows his work still can't track him down and arrest or kill him, it shouldn't be a problem.

Not sure on the "killed every responsible" matter. I mean, Murdoc does have a point that he'd have trouble killing all of them in their sleep. But... he definitely could kill them all some other way.

If he did manage to get trusted enough to run operations with them, he could just purposely botch it or betray them. Doesn't even matter if they don't all die, so long as none escape, seeing any survivors who get incarcerated could just be picked off at his leisure while being transported or somesuch, assuming of course that other underworld figures who want them dead for one reason or another, doesn't just arrange for them to get shanked a few dozen times.

Or he could recruit some of the other people they conscripted and who would likely still have quite the grudge as well, to help with the whole "murder everyone" plot. Or he could just betray info to people who want them dead, and let them handle it.

Basically, there's plenty of ways to kill them all, and honestly, it could be a lot more interesting keeping it as him having killed them all a long time ago. IT raises a lot of questions of why he's still in the business and his motivations, which would likely be something more complex than simple revenge seeing as the people responsible are all in shallow graves now.

However, you probably should reduce his kill count by an entire order of magnitude. By my calculations, from the age of 13, he'd have to kill just over one person every four days. I mean, he could certainly rack up that many kills by shooting random people and escaping with his cloaking unit, but he probably isn't shooting random people for no pay. Just communicating with his client could take a week if not more, and tracking down his target and planning out his killing would presumably take plenty of time as well, along with getting in and out of the country (since he'd likely need to get false documents and either smuggle in his weapons somehow or acquire and dispose of them). Realistically speaking, it could take months.

Oh also, the whole "in the top 3 snipers" statements is probably setting off a few people's Mary Sue alarms, you probably could safely remove that anyway seeing as it's already quite clear he's good at his job.

[S34N1C]

@Empiricist

Thank you and everyone else for the help. Your suggestions helped a lot. I took several of your suggestions and put them into the backstory. How is it now?

[TCM]

If I could throw in my own suggestions, it's always good to show, rather than tell, in the description of a character. What was his family doing that would make them the target of a contracted group? Who is this contract killing group, and what is their ideology and/or objective? How was he able to convince legions of other children to revolt with him? How did they get such easy access to the group's sleeping quarters? Why did they disband rather than sticking together? Who is hiring Nate and who are his targets? What else has he been doing for the past seven years besides sniping? Who is claiming that he is in the top 25 snipers in the world? Himself? A government agency? "Modern Sniper Weekly" Magazine?

None of these are necessary, but merely suggestions that could help fill out who this Nate character is exactly.

If any character raises concerns of Sue-ness, it's important to point out flaws that counterbalance a character's strengths in order to make them appear like a real being and not a God. (Even in the case of God, it's probably best for them to have flaws or limitations.) You say that he is incredibly physically fit and obviously a highly achieving sniper. What areas is he especially weak and vulnerable in? Being a loner, cynical, and suspicious of others are personality traits, not weaknesses. This goes for everyone as well, since I've seen many a player guilty of this, when asked of what their character's flaw is, to respond that they're angsty, or angry, emotionally detached, etc. These are not flaws.

Anyways, I do think your new sheet is improved from what you originally posted.

[Chevaleresse]

Pretty much seconding everything TCM said.

[Shadestyle]

Spoiler: Rogue Devourer (click to show/hide)

Name: Rogue Devourer

Age: 24-27, Unknown.

Gender/Sex: ?Male?

Description:
Wearing the tattered and mismatched rags of a dying world as a cloak, the Rogue Devourer is a horrific union between a rusted adaptive machine and a mangled adaptive organism.

Personality:
Aching and Tired, both parts of the Rogue Devourer speak when spoken to, and do not make trouble when they can.

Backstory:
  From a dead world slowly finished off by a Narrative Universe Devourer, every day was suffering in the apocalyptic wastelands of their home, where only those who cannot die easily could live.

Other:
  They eat random things, and integrate them if they like, or regurgitate them as biomechanical machines or raw material if they don't.  They refuse to grow too powerful themselves, as doing so would invite conflict that puts them at risk with their other half, as getting too much biomass or Mechanical components would bring about the temptation to subsume the other, which their adaptive intellect will not allow, this is directly at odds with their respective hungers, demanding that they devour and regurgitate, to eat, and to avoid demise through conflict that they do not believe they will win.

[IamanElfCollaborator]

Sorry, but given past incidents, I would rather you not join.

[Pencil_Art]

Spoiler: WIP (click to show/hide)

Name: Harris Vyrn
Age: A bit over 100
Gender/Sex: Male/Male
Description:
On the outside, Harris seems to be a young man, almost a teenager, with medium length black hair typically covering one of his crimson red eyes, which stand out as really unusual against the backdrop of pale skin and dark hair. If caught by surprise or when unprepared, witnesses report seeing short two short sharp horns on the top of his head. When he smiles, which he does quite often, his canines are immediately noticeable as small, white fangs. If you ignore these traits, he is your typical young man, ready for a party or perhaps running out of money to pay the landlady with. He is what some would call 'cute' and might be mistaken for a popular guy studying for his degree, being rather athletic and swift of mind.

Strangers rarely see him without his power armor, a rather large and bulky suit that completely covers his body in inches of metal, boosting his physical abilities but making it rather difficult to be stealthy. A normal day would see him door-knocking in this suit, asking for the whereabouts of escaped fugitives, which he will kindly return to hell (unless said fugitives want to face extreme force). As a demon working for the equivalent of a law-enforcement agency in Hell, Harris excels in prying information out of individuals who would otherwise very much prefer not to tell him, and can even determine whether someone is lying or not with great accuracy. Simply put, he is a fantastic supernatural detective. Harris also has some experience in the more hands-on part of getting sinners back where they belong, being able to do some serious damage with his suit. The armor is not impervious, however, and a few very well placed charges can take out most of the functions of the armour. When this happens, it is up to Harris by himself and his two pistols, firing away at the foe (or possibly just running away, what with the foe being strong enough to take out his armour and all).
Personality: Harris is a bubbly individual, who just wants a bit of fun and everybody to laugh with him. If there's a fight, he'll try to break it up with his devilish charm and charisma, and will only use force as a last resort. Due to his extremely long life span, he is much more wise and intelligent than people would expect of what looks like a man in his early 20's, even if he's spent most of his life door knocking for sinners on the run from Hell. While he can be scary when he wants to, Harris prefers not to be, as it generally results in all of his friends avoiding him forever.

Backstory:
Harris was born a low-class demon of an inquisitor family, in a world where Heaven and Hell and all the other multitudes of afterlife destinations had been heavily modernised and regularly rang each other up over border disputes and climate change. Harris, being by lineage an inquisitor (an archaic term referring to demons who rooted out those sinners with the fortune or cunning to escape the clutches of the pickup crew), confining him to a rather limited set of jobs. Social stratification in Hell was at an all time high, with only the most powerful families awarded the prestigious positions in the Devil's court, and all others resigned to simple jobs, like torturing the worst sinners or creating more dwellings for the damned.

Being one such demon peasant, Harris had little choice but to join the 5th squadron of the Lords Hand, an organisation of extremely professional bodyguards, investigators and killers. Harris made his living as a relatively successful cop, making sure the souls of sinners stayed where they were meant to stay, instead of running away to who knew where. His favourite part of the job was always drinking with his inquisitor buddies, always ready for a good gossip at the local bar, or winkling information out of patrons who were too drunk to know better.

On one fateful afternoon, Harris accidentally set his teleporter for halfway between then and there, and ended up in a place even he didn't know how to get out of.

[Shadestyle]

Those Past Incidents involved mechanics.  If you won't let me join, I won't, but I have some friends In this game, and I'd like to enjoy a good roleplay with them.

I assure you there won't be any incidents, It's a new game, and I'd like to be cool here.

[Empiricist]

Also agreeing with TCM here, but also noting that not all of that extra detail has to be in the sheet seeing as some of it could make for good stories to tell IC,  especially the reasons for disbanding, seeing as if others managed to carve out a legitimate living or some such and thus couldn't be associated with him, it could raise a nice mix of conflicting emotions such as pride, envy, and bitterness.

[S34N1C]

I had considered having them stick together and form their own group, but decided against it because I didn't feel like it fit with the 'lone sniper' concept.

[IamanElfCollaborator]

Those Past Incidents involved mechanics.  If you won't let me join, I won't, but I have some friends In this game, and I'd like to enjoy a good roleplay with them.

I assure you there won't be any incidents, It's a new game, and I'd like to be cool here.

After consulting with the players, quite a few of them actually don't want you in either for the same reasons, not that I wasn't willing to give the benefit of the doubt and not that nobody vouched for you. Sorry, but my ruling stands.

[S34N1C]

I'll vouch for him if it helps. He and I have been friends for years.

[IamanElfCollaborator]

Eh. Possibly not. Again, it was a majority of the players who didn't want him in (quite a few abstained, I'll be honest).