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[S34N1C]

Well, it's more like they might get along.

[Chevaleresse]

I mean your character's. Why would mercenaries on their way to kill his dad decide to teach him to fight? Why would he agree to sign on with them? etc

[S34N1C]

I'm not a creative person, so my backs rotors always have holes like that.

But I guess maybe that could be their calling card of sorts. Kidnapping the children of their 'victims' and making them one of them. When possible, that is.

[Chevaleresse]

Why would they do that? More importantly, how? "Hi we're here to kill your dad but you should totally join us" isn't gonna fly unless his dad was a piece of shit.

[S34N1C]

Torture, brainwashing, take your pick.

[Chevaleresse]

You should probably at least specify that in your backstory, then.

[S34N1C]

How's that?

[Chevaleresse]

Better. It still strikes me as a bit suish but you may want a second opinion.

[S34N1C]

Could you elaborate? I'm not sure what you mean by suish.

[TheBiggerFish]

Mary Sue ish.

[Chevaleresse]

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MarySue if you're unfamiliar with the term

[S34N1C]

Yes, that helps a lot. While I didn't intend to make such a 'suish' character, I can see how it might be seen as that. I just wanted to add done variety. From what I've seen of the other characters in this thread, most of them are leaning towards a fantasy theme, and I wanted to have a soldier-type to spice things up a bit.

[Chevaleresse]

Yeah, I'm not trying to be overly harsh or anything, so sorry it it comes off that way. It just comes off as a little, idk, too special? Like he's got 1. His dad apparently being important enough to assassinate 2. the super stealth and marksmanship 3. apparently enough of the former to solo a large number of experienced, hardened soldiers of fortune and 4. apparently is a famous assassin (which is a bit contradictory)

I'm not sure of how to explain it better. It would help if we had more of a context to compare him to; for example, my Marisa is from a world that's somewhere between MtG and DnD (basically a paragon/epic level warlock lol) so demon binding and such is uncommon but not unheard of.

[kj1225]

To be fair, Assassins can be famous. John Wick for instance.

[S34N1C]

Yeah I get what you're saying. I'm just not very good at writing backstories. I guess I should take out the bit about him killing all of them, but I'm not sure what else to do to make him more relatable.