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[origamiscienceguy]

You are a Janitor on board the USSS (United States Space Ship) Lexington. You were in the middle of mopping the floor of the kitchen when alarms rang throughout the ship, battering your ears with noise. As a non-combatant, in a situation like this, you are supposed to report to the escape pod section to prepare them for emergency evacuation. Right as you start running, the arteficial gravity turns off and you start floating through the hallway, but you have been trained for this. You Grab handles on the walls and pull yourself along with excelent form, as military personell float the other direction. You make it to the last set of airlocks between you and the escape pods. You punch the key to open it, and the door opens, but right as you do so, the inner airlock door, the one you hadn't opened yet, explodes. You are blown back by the explosion, and then almost immediately pulled back with the torrent of air leaving the hallway for what must be the vacuum of space. There must be a breach! As you struggle to find a handhold, you grab your emergency resperator and attach it to your mouth. You grab a handle on the wall when you look back towards the open airlock and see 3 enemy marines clambering through, with full titanium armor and gauss autocannons. They see you and take aim.
This is a storytelling game where the protagonist is a complete and utter badass. Every action the character does will be performed flawlessly, no matter how improbable or ridiculous. The story as of now has almost no plot, I will make up the plot as the story progresses based on your decisions.
Rules:
-Your suggestions can be extremely improbable and ridiculous, but not anything that is impossible for a human to do. For example, "throw a rock right through soldier one's open mouth, ripping through and striking the other soldier two in the head" Is perfect, but "Summon a phoenix to kill everything" Will not be accepted.
-Try to keep your suggestions interesting and unique. Don't use the same action over and over again, or say "kill everything." It will make it more entertaining if you are more specific and creative with your suggestions.
-Do not manipulate the environment. Instead, give suggestions for how the character can deal with the current situation. No matter what action you suggest, the character won't die.
-Don't be a troll. Suggestions like, "kill yourself." Will not be accepted.
-More rules as needed.

[MidnightJaguar]

Use our trusty screwdriver to unscrew the lead ones helmet, then grab his gun and go to town on the other two.

…or is that too improbable?

[origamiscienceguy]

You take your screwdriver from your belt and throw it with a viciously fast spin towards the lead marine. You then immediately push off of the wall to dodge the first rounds of gauss fire. The bullets miss you by mere inches, some of them even ripping parts of your clothes. The superfast bullets strike the walls and continue through, leaving small holes with air jetting through. As you complete your jump, the rapidly spinning screwdriver hits one of the screws in the helmet of the lead marine, wedgine iteslf in the grooves, and twisting the screw loose with it's angular momentum. The faceplate of the helmet gets blasted off by the air pressure inside of the marine's suit, sending him flying backwards into his comerades, disrupting their aim, causing their second rounds to miss you as well. As the lead marine struggles to get his emergency respirator attached, he lets go of his autocannon. You push off of the ceiling and grab it, kicking the second marine into the correct position, such that they are all lined up, then you pull the trigger, launching one bullet through all three of their brains.

You kick them all through the airlock and look assess the damage. Inside the escape pod hangar was a bunch of twisted metal, and a boarding ship. There were other enemy marines clambering through the other entrances, and some coming out of the boarding ship, but you can't handle them all by yourself. You need to find some friendlies and relay information about the enemy movements. They would most likely be in the bridge, the armory, or the situation room.

Use our trusty screwdriver to unscrew the lead ones helmet, then grab his gun and go to town on the other two.

…or is that to improbable.

Haha. NOPE

[MidnightJaguar]

Keep the auto canon Put on the hostile marines armor, leaving the helmet off and clamber over to the bridge.

[origamiscienceguy]

Working quickly, you take off the first marine's suit, forgoing the damaged helmet, and go back through the hallway. Using your knowledge of the ship's layout, you clamber through side-passageways and maintenance hatches to find the quickest route through the ship. You pop out of a ceiling vent right outside of the airlock to the bridge. This section of the ship was still pressurized, so you take your respirator out of your mouth, open the door and shout, "WE'VE BEEN BOARDED!"

Inside, three officers and the captain are huddled around a console with three guards stationed inside. There is one second of silence where they all have very confused looks on their faces before all 5 of them point their guns at you and shoot. You probably should have not been wearing the armor of an enemy soldier.

[MidnightJaguar]

"No, no I just killed this one and took their suit" Use the password of the day to convince them that we are not an enemy solider.

[origamiscienceguy]

You duck behind the wall as shots fly past you. You scream "I'm a friendly! I killed one and took their armor! Butercups! Butercups! They are boarding from the escape pod launch bay. You need to redirect troops to block their advance." The shots stop when you say "buttercups" which was the daily code word. One of the officers says "What's your name, rank, and serial number?" You give your name, but struggle with the other two. "I don't actually have a rank or serial number. I'm a janitor." There is more silence, but then an officer says, "drop your weapon and remove your armor, only then will our guards escort you in." You comply, and are escorted into the room by the to guards. You are back in your custodial attire.

The Pilot runs off to another console, but one of the officers says, "I am Captain Rogers. Here is a floor plan of the USSS Lexington. Where are the enemy currently? We lost all communications and sensors during the attack." You give him all the information and he relays it to the two guards "Gather as many me as you can find and set blockades in these hallways here. Whatever happens, do not let them into the reactor room." He then turns to you and says, "Now, we need to deal with the bigger problem here, the RFSS Sinop" he says waving his hand towards the monitor, where an imposing battleship is seen firing massive cannons. "If you were able to take out a soldier and steal his equipment, then you can be useful in holding the line. Get to the armory, get outfitted, then defend the reactor room at all costs." You push yourself and float through the door, closing it behind you.

You push off walls and get to the armory, the sounds of fighting getting louder and louder. You reach the armory to see the last few men getting out. You push yourself through, don some titanium armor (with the correct symbols this time) and grab yourself a nice Gauss long rifle and pistol. However, right at that moment, an explosion is heard down the hall, followed by the sound of air being evacuated. The air forces you on the floor and into a table. Some enemy soldiers enter the room and you watch the leader signal for the men to secure the armory. They don't see you under the table, but you don't know how many there are.

[Chevaleresse]

Fight your way through them, using the enemy soldiers as human shields as you work toward incapacitating their leader. Try to keep him alive and just disarm/cripple him so we can interrogate him later.

[crazyabe]

PTW

[MidnightJaguar]

Fight your way through them, using the enemy soldiers as human shields as you work toward incapacitating their leader. Try to keep him alive and just disarm/cripple him so we can interrogate him later.

+1 Use the table as an initial melee weapon for added flair.

[origamiscienceguy]

You silently remove the clamps holding the table to the floor, then wait for the right moment. When a soldier is in the correct position, you heave on the table, sending the lip right into his neck while at the same time sending you flying towards another soldier in the zero gravity. Before anybody had figured out that you were in the room, you were on the second soldier, firing your pistol at his neck, the weak point. You then take his dying body and use it to deflect and dampen several rounds of fire from the other enemies. You periodically fire your pistol around the body, killing a soldier every time you do so, but when only the commander and one soldier was left, both in excellent cover pinning you down, you took your long rifle and shot straight through your human shield, through the cover, and into the last soldier. Only the commander remained, but he was still armed, and it seemed he was calling for reinforcements.

[somemildmanneredidiot]

Throw the human shield at him to stun him and prevent him from communicating with his forces.

[origamiscienceguy]

You throw the bullet-riddled body at the commander, and hear a satisfying grunt when the body hits. You use the distraction to jump to the ceiling and shoot his gun. The Gauss gun shatters, sending its high velocity components all over the room, imbedding themselves in the walls an floors. You deliver a punch straight to his face, straining his neck joints. You hold him in a restrictive position. What will you do with him?

[somemildmanneredidiot]

Restrain him using military grade duct tape (if we don't have some as a janitor on a military base I will be shocked), check for any suicide mechanisms or explosives and disarm them, remove all comm systems from him, and give Captain Rogers the comm systems and the commander so that they can use the enemy's information. After that, go back to the armory and ambush the enemy from the hole they made there.

[Chiefwaffles]

Nonono, you've got it all wrong.

Take their comms system and request the status of "allied" [hostile] forces.