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[nomoetoe]

Granted. It is inadequate for the purposes of causing harm, but you hit them with it anyway. This results in a broken nose for you.

I wish I had a well-paying job.

Granted, it pays 40 dollars an hour. you work 4 hours a day. and there's only a 96% chance of dying each hour! !

I wish for my rhymes to grab someone (who isn't me) by the throat and ride them like sturdy goat.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. Eventually the entire human population gets throttled and ridden like a farmer's favorite goat. Except you. They figure this is all your fault and you are lynched.

I wish for peace and quiet.

[Tawa]

Granted. Enjoy outer space! Don't worry, you don't need to breathe.

I wish for a pen.

[TD1]

Granted. Enjoy outer space! Don't worry, you don't need to breathe.

I wish for a pen.

Granted. It's the pen the alien overlords put you in while they prepare their probes.

I wish for magical powers.

[Tawa]

Granted, but you must claim them from me. My hugs have enough metamagic on them to deal 2d4 damage per round, let alone magic.

I wish D&D 4e was less crappy.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. It is awesome, and soon becomes so popular that you have to wade through a sea of annoying, undesirable, or just plain stupid players and GMs. You never find a game.

I wish deer would let me pet them. They're so fluffy and pretty.

[Playergamer]

Granted. You pet a deer in the mouth. You lose a hand. You bleed to death. Stay cute, my friends.

I wish for the power to go out so people would stop watching football everywhere.

[Stirk]

Granted. Do you know what a "Deer Tick" is? Full of diseases, that is what. Diseases that lead to your death.

Granted. They go outside and start playing it instead, and the sport becomes more popular than ever.

I wish for an M40 rifle to go with my M700. Gota catch them all!

[WillowLuman]

Granted, a solar storm destroys all non-hardened or unshielded electronics.
Granted, but you have to go to a gunshow in Idaho to get it.

I wish to be done with this sodding paper.

[Eric Blank]

Granted, but your professor insists you go to a gun show in Michigan to read it aloud in front of an audience of two thousand.

I wish for a toaster that requires no electricity or other energy input to run, and successfully produce delicious warm toast.

[Stirk]

Granted, but you have to go to a gunshow in Idaho to get it.

Jokes on you. I live within driving distance of Idaho.

Granted. It is the Atomic Toaster, and attempts to kill you every time you use it. It also attempts to cover the world in atomic fire.

I wish to teach, this world to shoot, with perfect accuracy~.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. We all learn how to shoot the perfect still photographs. Thankfully, no more duck faced teenage girls in the mirror pictures.

I wish for warm comfy fox fur slippers.

[Tawa]

Granted. They are made from Kevak.

I wish for a hat.

[Lyeos]

Granted. It is made from EB's slippers and as such smells terrible.

I wish for warm socks.

[Stirk]

Granted. They are made from Tawarochir's hat, and as such smell even worse.

I wish for warm gloves.