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[jaxy15]

Granted. One of them contains cyanide. You don't know which.

I wish there was a giant supercomputer with the Toady One's mind built in so it could work on Dwarf Fortress faster.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but soon it just wants to play DF with real humans as its dwarves.

I wish to no longer have sleep debt.

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, instead you now owe the pound of flesh nearest your heart.

I wish for FTL travel to be possible on a massive scale from this moment onwards.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. Some asshole uses it to warp the Earth to gods-know-where. There is no sunlight and only distantly visible stars, the moon didn't come with us, and we emerged within a cloud of small asteroids. Everything is soon dead.

I wish for FTL spacecraft which can be manufactured cheaply, operated cheaply and without much special knowledge, and have no flaws in the design.

[Stirk]

Granted. As Ke=1/2MV^2, one drunk driver crashed into earth and utterly destroyed it from the massive amount of energies released.

I wish for a gun that could shoot FTL bullets.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. You accidentally all of western civilization while at the practice range.

I wish for a functional muffin-summoning button to be installed in my house.

[Stirk]

Granted. It summons ENGLISH MUFFINS! MUHAHAHAH!

I wish the English knew how to cook.

[nomoetoe]

Granted, there cooking abilities become so great that every country pay's thousands of dollars for there meals, they soon become the richest and the only rich peoples on earth.

I wish for a fleshy latin sword.

[Tawa]

No.

I wish for a hat.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but it's the kind you wear on the inside of your head.

I wish for some sort of mullet-based weapons system.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. They're called lice.

I wish for eye-lasers.

[nomoetoe]

granted, the eye's of every creature in existence shoot powerful laser beams out of there eyes destroying the world in mere moments.

I wish to inject a powerful sedative into a banana.

[Tawa]

Granted. The banana is sedated. Your consciousness is projected into the banana, and you become non-sentient.

I wish for INFINITE DARK POWER FROM THE GOD THAT LIES WITHIN ME.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. The god demands pancakes as sacrifice. All day, every day. You are fat.

I wish the moose would not come back.

[Stirk]

Granted. All moose everywhere are dead. They never come back. Canada is angered by this, and declares war on you to avenge their great loss.

I wish to be my FABULOUS slave!

(NOOOOOOOO!)