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[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, it weighs ten tons and you are glued to it.

[Andres]

I wish for a boat with 3.5 oars.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. The missing half of the oar comes from when your girlfriend broke it over your head after breaking up with you.

I wish ToadyOne would come and join us in this game.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. He arrived to ban someone. It is terrifying.

I wish the chores would up and do themselves so I can sleep in.

[Prophet]

Granted. Your chores are replaced by errands.

I wish for wishes that involve Kevak-senpai!

[Andres]

Granted.

I wish for foxes~

I wish for a non-functioning lightsaber.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, it's exactly as exciting as it sounds.

I wish for the genius of Bergholt Stuttley Johnson.

[jefam99]

Granted, it's exactly as exciting as it sounds.

I wish for the genius of Bergholt Stuttley Johnson.

Granted, you are now as smart as Bergholt Stuttley Johnson...from a parallel universe where men have not yet evolved past the level of primate.

I wish i had just enough money to keep me from needing a job

[Andres]

Granted, but it's only enough for basic necessities. You live in a crappy place, eat crappy (but nutritious) food, and have no luxury items.

I wish for love as large as brontosaurus.

[KingofstarrySkies]

Granted. You're crushed by a massive heart.

I wish for WAAAARGH

[blazing glory]

Granted, but the genie misheard you and gave you the Carol of WAA instead.

I wish Brawl in the Family was still going.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. The author gave the rights to some drunkard with no talent for art or comedy. It is terrible. Not the good kind of terrible either.

I wish for candy. So much candy.

[Tawa]

Granted. You transform into a 6-year-old and go trick-or-treating. Unfortunately, you also remember all the bad parts of school, which you have to go through again.

I wish I was better at making puns based on video game titles.

[Andres]

Granted. Your puns are so good they inspire game devs and publishers to make their game names puns. They are not as good as you. Not by a long shot.

I wish for enlightenment.

[Stirk]

You spontaneously combust.

I wish FOR GREAT JUSTICE!