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[Phantom of The Library]

Granted, you get a gun that shoots sunlight and thus turns them into stone.  However, every time it is used hundreds of internet trolls are attracted to whatever sites you frequent.

I wish I had more popcorn.

[Techhead]

Granted. The popcorn was slightly burnt, and you ran out of toppings to mask the flavor. You eat it anyway.

I wish for Toady to have helpful interns to do stuff he doesn't want to.

[Kestrel_6]

granted. However, funding for Dwarf Fortress falls through, and further production on the game is cancelled.

I wish for ME style Sentinel abilities.

[Draconik_Sankis]

Granted however you are the ME style Sentinel (Action Figure) and some assembly is required
I Wish that Dwarf Fortress leaked into our reality, thus shattering it.

[Cheesoburgor]

Granted. you are now living in the world with paradoxes and black holes and explosions EVERYWHERE


i wish this thread would end.

[Blizzlord]

Granted. A new thread of the same subject is instantaneously submitted and merged with the old one.
Granted. After a series of game breaking bugs Toady is forced to put it back to alpha.

I wish for a reliable router. The current one got a bit dodgy after Telia updated it without our consolation.

[Sprin]

granted but a theif stole it and crashed it in a sun.
I wish for dimonds to NOT enter my house and make me rich.

[Sprin]

granted but a theif stole it and crashed it in a sun.
I wish for dimonds to NOT enter my house and make me rich.

[Blizzlord]

Granted, but a theif stole it and crashed it into a star.
I wish for diamonds to NOT enter my house and make me rich.

FTFY
Granted. A colossal allotrope of carbon instead crashes into your villa.

I wish for a badass looking cloak made from carbon nanotubes.

[crazysheep]

Granted. However, it is so fragile that the merest breeze breaks it apart.

I wish for some lava.

[Spinal_Taper]

Great, now, you become easily depressed.
I wish the l and r buttons worked on my ds.

[crazysheep]

Granted, but you were so used to playing without the l and r buttons that your playstyle is absolutely ruined and you swear never to touch your DS again.

I wish for winter to be over soon.

[Blizzlord]

Granted. Your residence is moved to Europe, where it is currently summer.

I wish trees and plants had a more efficient way of reproduction, so that the air is not swarmed with pollen during spring, summer or autumn.

[Spinal_Taper]

Thanks, now they stab people which inject seeds that grow as a parasite before killing them on the spot, then growing in a massive spurt. This let's them stab more people and living things, resulting in a planet which eventually collapses due to the unbalanced ecosystem.

I wish I could motivate myself.

[Trapezohedron]

You motivate yourself to demotivate yourself.

I wish I was a master of the arts of linguistics.