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[Superdorf]

Granted. Earth dies-- eventually-- but by the time it does, humanity has left that old rock and moved on to far greater things. Dyson spheres ahoy!

I wish for a Dyson sphere.

[King Zultan]

Granted, there's a Dyson sphere somewhere but you'll never get to see or benefit from it.

I wish for everyone on Earth to be given a doughnut.

[methylatedspirit]

Granted, someone dies soon after eating one of the doughnuts, prompting the media to twist the story into "MAN KILLED BY DOUGHNUT". The media circus from this incident causes multiple bakeries to shut down in the following week due to lost pastry revenues.

I wish for a screw pump.

[Mathel]

Granted. A crank operated archimedes screw has been installed onto your roof. The bottom is not in water though.

I wish for a vat of methanol to appear under the archimedes screw, in such a manner, that the screw will be able to pump it.

[thompson]

Granted. The Earth is drowned in methanol up to the stratosphere. There is a vat at the bottom of the screw, which is indeed full of methanol.

I wish the methanol was set on fire and burned until depletion.

[King Zultan]

Granted, but it also burns up the Earth then somehow space also catches on fire and stars to burn.

I wish space wasn't on fire.

[Mathel]

Granted. The fabric of space is no logner on fire. This is because all space has now collapsed into a black hole.

I wish for the black hole to regurgitate everything.

[Superdorf]

Granted. Through the process of Hawking radiation, the black hole will indeed slowly decay and eventually evaporate, regurgitating its contents into the cosmos. However, this process will take untold eons... how patient are you?

I wish for the secret to reversing entropy.

[methylatedspirit]

Granted. The world suddenly expands into an infinite set of universes as reality itself is being torn apart.

I wish that we could go back to a time where none of this happened.

[Superdorf]

Granted. The community of Bay12 is hurled into the Mesozoic. Oh look, it's a dinosaur! And it looks hung--

I wish for a pet Microraptor.

[Mathel]

Granted. While it is good at hunting smaller pests, it does not stop a larger teropod from slashing you up and eating you.

I wish for a time machine to get myself safely back into the present, into an offspring of the timeline I came from, 1 second after my dissapearance.

[WyrdByrd]

Granted. You end up appearing inside the First Family's newest addition. Unfortunately , given that it's a baby, it can't  take a time machine teleporting into it, resulting in you  and your machine violently exiting upon your return. You are quickly tried for infanticide and terrorism, and spend the rest of your natural life in a government black-site being  interrogated for information about the machine, which has been spirited off by a research team, reversed engineered, and converted into a weapon of war.


I wish for the UN to regulate time machines.

[King Zultan]

Granted, the UN makes regulations for time machines, but no one listens to them and time machines continues to be used unregulated.

I wish time machines never existed.

[wierd]

Granted.  Now the second world war was won by Hitler and the Nazis.  Also, without the US, the USSR totally dominates the nuclear stage to this day, and were successful in many of their skunkworks projects.  Enjoy your biorobots comrade.

I wish for a pleasant vacation in a few days.

[thompson]

Granted. You have a very pleasant vacation where you become the first tourist to the Moon. However, the USSR impose an embargo on US space traffic before your return, leaving you stranded there indefinitely.

I wish New Zealand became the preeminent global superpower.