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[Mathel]

Granted. You are almost instantly crushed under a giant mountain of bagels. The effect stops once you die.

I wish that every time someone says the word "a", a tick dies.

[pikachu17]

Checkmarks(icks) are no longer alive. Retroactively, in fact.

I wish that every time someone says the word "a", a parasite dies.

[Puppyguard]

The genie scratches his chin for a moment. What defines a parasite? Something that lives off of others? Or something that doesn't return what is is given? The genie scratches his chin furiously. Perhaps every creature is a parasite, since it doesn't necessarily always give back to the universe. After thinking for what feels like an eternity, the genie grants your wish.

If anyone says the word "a", everything living will perish.


I wish wishes were less ambiguous.

[KittyTac]

Granted. The unavailability of loopholes that could be used to corrupt the wishes in any meaningful way causes this thread to die. Eventually, somebody wishes for that wish to be undone.

I wish for kittens.

[King Zultan]

Granted, you get kittens, you get so many kittens you suffocate under all the kittens.

I wish KittyTac would wish for something other than kittens.

[KitRougard]

Granted. KittyTac finally admits his Eldrich heritage and wishes for the death of the gods of the universe, so he can replace him. Catsplosions are impending. EVERYWHERE.

I wish for puppies

[Mathel]

Granted. Wishes are now extremely specific, making them extremely difficult to corrupt.

I wish that at the moment this wish is granted, "Zap energy" is defined according to the (Zap) code and also the following 2 statements become true.

Any time I say "By my ruinous hand!", a beam of "Zap energy" shoots out of the front end of my right humerus, trough my right wrist.
The beam is emmited for exactly 1 second and has 100N of force.

Code: (Zap) [Select]

"Zap energy" travels at the speed of light, relative to the source at the moment it was emitted.
"Zap energy" travels in a straight line, regardless of any energy fields it passes trough.
"Zap energy" is absorbed by metals.
"Zap energy" has the interactions specified in (interactions) code.
"Zap energy" particles have 0 stationary mass.
"Zap energy" has momentum.
Any object emitting "Zap energy" is pushed with the same force that would be applied to a feromagnetic metal that is hit with it, but in the opposite direction


Code: (interactions) [Select]

Paramagnetic or feromagnetic metal: Pushed in the direction the "Zap energy" travels
Any other metal: Random currents induced
Anything else: No interaction

Edit: I missed a page!

Granted. KittyTac finally admits his Eldrich heritage and wishes for the death of the gods of the universe, so he can replace him. Catsplosions are impending. EVERYWHERE.

I wish for puppies

Granted. You get all the puppies from everywhere else. Dog owners are not happy and neither are wolves. Your house is overrun with all sorts of puppies, all of which die from squishing.

[Superdorf]

Granted. Your "zap energy" works exactly as you wanted it to... but pretty soon the government gets wind of your newfound power, and you find yourself whisked away for various military researches, most of which are unpleasant and all of which are tedious. Enjoy the next twenty years!

I wish for a two-foot mustache.

Your house is overrun with all sorts of puppies, all of which die from squishing.

Sigged.

[methylatedspirit]

Your two-foot mustache frees itself from your face and decides to become a bipedal organism despite its total lack of a nervous system. The only thing that it (and you) can feel is pain.

I wish that all batteries were rechargeable.

[King Zultan]

Granted, all batteries can be recharged, but they still have a chance to explode.

I wish that everyone was given one thousand dogs.

[wierd]

Granted.  They just happen to be hotdogs.  Expired hotdogs, to be precise.  The number of people developing food poisoning spikes dramatically.

I wish my charges at work would stop being douche canoes.

[TD1]

Granted. They are now kayaks.

I wish Eriugena's neoplatonic model had been more widely read.

[Mathel]

Granted. But even fewer people now understand it than before.

I wish for wierd's charges to roman galleys.

[CABL]

Granted, but since your grammar is messed up, I'll use genie's linguistic literal interpretation: wierd attaches C4 charges to roman galleys, blowing them up.

I wish for a Swedish banana pizza.

[thompson]

Granted. You are given a pizza from Sweden made entirely of banana. It is sent to your address via post.

I wish for total extinction of all life on earth.