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[Dunamisdeos]

Granted. Long has the Infinity Lord of Neo Zealand prepared his black armies of twisted bio-science and unknowable magicks. The eldritch horror washes over the USSR in a single night before turning it's attention to the rest of the planet, it's power now far out of reach from its former master. Humanity is doomed to an ignominious state of bare survival on the world where once they were the masters.

I wish for a meatball sub.

[methylatedspirit]

Granted. The sub is a large meatball carved into the shape of a sub.

I wish for a computer that doesn't crash all the time.

[Superdorf]

Granted. Unfortunately, it's running the Windows 7 Beta, and just displays a freaky picture of Hitler's face whenever you turn it on. You can't get it to do anything else. But hey, no crashes!

I wish for the Windows 7 Beta to have actually been like this, and for a copy of the operating system.

[Greatness942]

Granted! But the pic runs off the Weeping Angel rules and thus the image of Freaky Hitler becomes a real Freaky Hitler, who quickly takes over the world.

I wish I could stop procrastinating on working on Forum Game turns.

[Superdorf]

Granted. The Internet breaks. There's no forum games left to procrastinate on... so sad. You'll have to go find other things to procrastinate on.

I wish for perfect self-discipline.

[Mathel]

Granted. You can now perfectly discipline yourself using this barbed whip.

I wish for a less barbed whip.

[Greatness942]

Granted! The whip is now made out of Japanese Hornets. Those have what is essentially acid for venom.

I wish I would lose my sudden new phobia of bees.

[WyrdByrd]

Granted. Unfortunately, that does nothing to help you against the hornets surrounding you.

I wish for hornets to not exist.

[Greatness942]

Granted! Unfortunately, wasps mutate to take whatever role in the ecosystem hornets had, and the result is a horrifying Eldritch Abomination.

I wish to always pass GO and always collect 200 dollars.

[Dunamisdeos]

Granted. All of your poop now takes the form of multiple solid Golden Oranges, worth exactly 200$. This is of course remarkably painful and you shortly die from various complications.

I wish for some chill background music.

[methylatedspirit]

Granted. Every song being played has titles that are variations on "I wanna die". Additionally, every song is so chill, it's hard to make heads or tails of the songs; they become background noise within a few seconds of listening.

I wish for a box.

[Greatness942]

Granted! It attracts cats that play with it constantly, leaving you incapable of actually doing anything with it nor keeping it stationary enough to use as decoration.

I wish I could tame any animal into being my pet and companion.

[Mathel]

Granted. From now on, when you talk to an animal, you brainwash it to be your loyal companion. Taming an animal this way breaks your bond with the previous animal, who realises what happened. Humans are also animals.

I wish for a cat repelling boots, which repel cats with force shown in following equation.
F=100N/(r^2)

Each boot works separately an radius is in meters.

[King Zultan]

Granted, all cats with in several meters of your boots are propelled away and explode they on impact with the ground.

I wish people who like cats would go and destroy the boots.

[pikachu17]

They destroy the boots. However, destroying the boots release all the magic contained within. The earth explodes.

I wish the earth was recreated.