sure thing!
but these are _opinions_ so feel free to ignore everything I say I'm not be salty, promise
game is kind of boring from the outside. when you start you get dragged and play 4 hours straight because you're living a second life as a space adventurer/politician/wathever, but form the outside, it's meh. you're already talking in first person, so why not go full diary mode, fake up some motives for your characters, doesn't need to be in game. a generic storytelling introdcution. "Hi, I'm Mindy - you don't know me yet, but you will once I'll own half the Europe banks.' - and go on with short 'vines'. instead of showing your dad is in prison, go to prison, and 'blog it' - 'My father was inprisoned before I could get to him, I need to have the launch codes for his ship if I want my smuggling operation to set off' and off you go to the city and show navigating around.
make it a film, when you narrate what and why make it part of the story, instead of a trip to some menu. you can get out of character every now and then to explain a game mechanic but needs to be clear. can you make voices? if you have a friend, let him do the narrator and drop in for the mechanics
on a side note, if you go first person plz use a male it's weird to have a voice dissonance
and why aren't you showing ships! go to dad, he's an ass, no ship, swear revenge. next two short sequences with you going to a bank, meeting with people, going to the bar, court the nice looking cashier, and the next day the option for a loan is there because 'she thinks you're loyal' or whatever. all narrated of course. there's the manual to navigate menus. make it cool! get a loan, get the ship, fly off for the first trade route, end.
on the sound side microphone needs some cleanup it clicks every now and then and it has some audible noise. also why the awesome game music is completely silent? not need to be prominent either but a backdrop to silence would be nice every now and then.