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[AlleeCat]

I was posting about some stuff in GD that I feel would probably be better placed here, but I couldn't find a general thread for it in the first few pages. Given how many people come to GD with relationship problems, I feel like this thread would be needed.

First order of business:

Also trying to sleep and felt like mooching the hotel wifi for music, just remembered how much I like night core... Woot woot

I'm starting to discover how much I like glitch hop. 'S good.

Oh, in other news, a new crush appears!
I really like her and a think she's super cute, (and she doesn't even have that pesky problem of being in a position of power over me like so many other crushes) but I don't even know if she's gay. Problems and dilemmas.

Question is, how do I find out without straight up asking, "Hey, I was wondering, are you a lesbian?" Because, for one, that's rude, and also it makes it too obvious that I'm trying to hit on her or something.

Same advice I give the "woe is me 4ever2lone" crowd on here. Go talk to her, and be honest about your intentions. I don't get why people on this forum are so scared to ask, "Hey, can I ask a personal question? Are you single?" If yes, follow up with, "Would you like to grab lunch sometime? I'm available [at this time]." If not, follow up with, "Ah, I didn't realize, sorry to intrude."

Yeah, it's very forward, but don't take yourself out of an equation with anyone you're interested in. Show that you're an option and put the ball in their court.

The problem is, if she's not interested, things might get awkward after, and I still want to be her friend if I can't date her.

And here we have my problem. Any advice?

[Azkul]

Just ask her, it's not that much of a big deal.
at worst, you'll be embarrassed for a couple of weeks if she says no, it's not the end of the world.

(easier said than done, though)

[acetech09]

(easier said than done, though)

That right there could be tagged onto about 80% of all dating advice, in my only-slightly-sarcastic opinion.

[acetech09]

Just ask her, it's not that much of a big deal.
at worst, you'll be embarrassed for a couple of weeks if she says no, it's not the end of the world.

(easier said than done, though)

We really need more context to decide if this is an option. Maybe the crush in question is a superior and happens to be offended? Unfortunately, some people in this world are still stuck in the middle ages and would take deep offense to a question like that. Bad things could happen.

OP: I really advise this for any orientation - become good friends first. I've seen so much angst in persons of any age due to hopping into a relationship without really even knowing the person. However, if you think that she's the kind of person that you can ask, go for it.

[nenjin]

I'm with LB on this: every relationship I've had has started from the basis of mutual attraction, not a desire to be friends. The relationships I let start as friendships never really changed from that.

And honestly, acting like you want to be friends when you really want to date is disingenuous as shit, and how lots of men end up in the "Friendship Zone" and then complain about it, because they were hoping to gradually work into a relationship instead of just seeking one. It's borderline cowardly behavior in my book.

I do have one piece of dating advice. Never approach someone in a group of people and ask them out point blank. The answer will almost always be no. Asking people out in front of others is basically forcing them to respond right then and there in front of witnesses, and most people pressed that way will say no as the safest response. If you need to get someone alone or at least with some privacy so you can ask them out, just ask them for a word alone. Maybe some will think it makes you look bold or like you don't care if you just ask them publically, but frankly I think it's awkward and imposing on the person you're asking out to do it that way.

I watched a guy at work do this. He approached a new hire in another business in the middle of her communal office, flowers in hand, and asked her out. A very sweet gesture. Also completely crushing when she told him no, in front of like 5 people.

[AlleeCat]

And honestly, acting like you want to be friends when you really want to date is disingenuous as shit, and how lots of men end up in the "Friendship Zone" and then complain about it, because they were hoping to gradually work into a relationship instead of just seeking one. It's borderline cowardly behavior in my book.

I've never given her any intention of just being friends. We've met a couple times in a couple different places, (both work related, but as a coworker.) and had some kind of shy conversations about normal stuff, but I've never said anything that might give her the impression that I'm not interested. I feel like there might be some mutual attraction there, I just don't really know.

I might as well just politely ask for her number the next time I see her. If she's interested, she may take it as evidence that I'm interested, if not, she'll just see it as me wanting to stay friends and keep in touch.

[nenjin]

Woah. Posted that in the wrong dating thread. Wasn't directed at you.

[smeeprocket]

you know, lesbian and bisexual women used to give violets to the girls they were interested in.

I guess she wouldn't get the reference but it would be romantic as hell. Also, giving her flowers -might- tip her off.

[AlleeCat]

I guess she wouldn't get the reference but it would be romantic as hell. Also, giving her flowers -might- tip her off.

I don't think I'm confident enough to just walk up and give her flowers. Might be a good first date idea, though. It's a conversation starter, for sure.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

My one piece of advice is to not explicitly ask if she's straight or not. If that's the way it is she can bring it up herself, but if you ask she might default to "No, I'm straight" even if that isn't exactly true. This is especially dangerous if she is somebody who consciously thinks of herself as straight but is in fact willing to date a woman. You are greatly decreasing your odds if you ask her to clarify her sexual identity before beginning.*

*Note that this advice is tailored for a sexually liberated and liberal society that is not overtly hostile to the concept of same-sex attaction. If this does not describe your local society this advice is somewhere between invalid and extremely inadvisable, depending upon how much it does not describe your society.

[LordSlowpoke]

well, time to finally drag my arse down to the life advice board

that took long enough

so a guy i were pretty heavily into said that he doesn't want to see us as anything but friends a while ago

so okay i'll roll with that not like it's what i want but let's not force it

he found himself another girl a few days after and now i'm sitting here giving him relationship advice while i should be the one cuddling his arse into 2k21

you know this post? yeah, that happened a while ago and i were doing after action reports

except the girl ended up dumping him today and i have no idea what i should do now?

okay i do get that i should console him but consoling is the thing i'm worst at out of all the little social skills i have or don't

he's pretty fucking rekt to say the least and while this isn't dating per se i still have a dating-like interest in him (given his emotional state i have to push that onto the backburner though)

so yeah what do i do to help out here

to allee, i cannot do anything but back msh here - people may think they're in a little box while they are in fact outside of this box because nobody explained to them that they're not in it

[AlleeCat]

I would say be as comforting as you can, and if he needs space, give him space. If he needs to vent, let him vent. If he feels like shit, tell him all the things you like about him.
Tell him you're there for him if he needs you. Be his support, and if he doesn't want you back after that, then he's a dummy who doesn't deserve you anyway. :3

[smeeprocket]

word of advice, and not meant to be derogatory, let go of those feelings for him, since he has made his stance clear. Otherwise you end up in this bitter "friend-zoned" situation where you are doing things to try to get him to be attracted to you, consoling him, giving him relationship advice, etc. Your motivation ends up becoming his SO, and all he is going to see is a supportive friend. This will lead to very hurt feelings, and unfairly so, because the score in his head is not the same as the score in your head.

[That Wolf]

My advice is this:
Every single relationship I have had, I have known it would happen and I knew the feeling was mutual.
Yes I have pined over girls that I didnt get that feeling from, but to me its this little feeling that says "you know that she likes you right"
And every time I got that feeling I didnt pursue it too hard and it just kinda happened.
And yes its happened to every one of the girlfriends Ive had, even when years past by.

Above all people love CONFIDENCE.
Chin up so you can see whats coming even if its a punch.

[4maskwolf]

I'm probably not one to be giving relationship advice, since many (read: one relationship out of two) of my relationships last all of a short while, but I actually have a question:

There's a girl who I think is interested in me.  We've been friends for almost four years now, but recently she's been acting... differently.  More flirtatious is probably the best description I can give.  I'm not closed off to the possibility of a relationship, but I'm not exactly the most subtle person in the world and am too chickenshit to ask her straight up if that's the case.  So... what to do