"Ahoy there! I appear to have been appointed to be a pirate! Well, a pirate's life for me!"
Do some stuff.
You take the flag off of the pole and wear it around your neck like a cape, before breaking the aluminum pole over your knee, leaving you with two flimsy rods both just over five feet, with jagged ends that could serve as passable shanks, provided that they don't break when you try to gut somebody with them.
Grab Godrick, run away from the toxic mist while keeping along the river, and hold his head under till bubbles stop coming up, then a minute more besides.
Be a man worthy of legends. Fight while unconscious!
(Godrik aff: 4-6)
(Derm spd: 4+2+2)
(Apothecary spd: 3+2)
Having had enough of assisting people with their own kills, Derm lugs Godrik's unconscious body to the river and holds his head under until bubbles stop coming up, expediting the process with a couple of sharp punches to the diaphragm.
(Derm luk: 6+6+4)
As Godrik's corpse floats downstream and off the cliff, a vehicle looking somewhat like a tank but with many, many,
many more guns appears next to Derm. Said guns range from standard-looking rifles and rocket launchers to flamethrowers to things that almost don't look like guns at all, apart from that multitude of barrels and magazines protruding from them. Even the treads on the thing look like they're made of bandoliers, stretched over axles which look remarkably similar to canon muzzles.
THINGS! ACTIONS!
PM Sent
Jenkins will not ignore me. Kick his jackhammer out of his hands.
Sending PM.
PMed
(Jenkins spd: 4-2)
(Ed spd: 4)
(Roach spd: 2+6)
(Jin spd: 2-2-2)
(SMASH spd: 6)
(Roach dex: 2-3)
(Jenkins spd: 2-2)
(SMASH dex: 6+1)
(Jin spd: 1-2-2)
(SMASH str: 5+6+4)
(Ed dex: 5-3)
(Jenkins spd: 3-2)
(Ed str: 4-2)
(Jenkins dex: 5)
(SMASH spd: 5+1)
(SMASH str: 3+6+1-2)
Furious about just being ignored like that, The Roach sprints towards Jenkins once more, this time launching a flying kick towards the jackhammer. Unfortunately, he trips on a pebble as he takes off, missing the jackhammer entirely, flying headlong into the lake. SMASH then takes advantage of Jin's slowness and mashes him into a bloody paste with his rock, his bandanna absorbing a great deal of the blood in the process and energizing him, making him even stronger than he was before. On the north edge of the island, Ed takes a mine out of his sack and tosses it at Jenkins, but while his aim is alright, his throwing arm isn't, and the mine lands on the far side of the lake, exploding harmlessly into a cloud of acrid black smoke. Jenkins however ignores the multitude of attacks aimed at him and runs towards SMASH with his jackhammer raised, and it's only thanks to his newly enhanced reflexes that the giant manages to keep his precious rock from being transformed into a pile of rubble.
(SMASH luk: -1-1-4+1)
Not only does SMASH get to keep his favorite smashing rock, but he also gets new loot. In front of him appears a rather large bomb with a casing crudely welded together from some sort of rune-covered metal. It's roughly the size of his boulder (which seems to be growing heavier by the minute), and he almost considers switching the two out, until he notices one key factor that makes him reconsider: Atop the bomb is a fat fuse, like something out of a bomb on a cartoon. And that fuse is lit, and burning away at a slow yet steady pace.
JIN LEMONS AND GODRIK ARE DEAD! GERALD LONDERAL SPAWNS AS YELLOW, AND BEIRUS 2 SPAWNS AS BLUE(Gerald luk: 5+1)
Gerald's waiver becomes a great bow made from some sort of flexible red crystal, along with a set of arrows made from the same material. It catches the light in a very strange way, and as he picks it up, he can see 'through' both people and buildings, giving him an unrestricted view of the island.
(Beirus luk: 6+6)
Beirus' waiver wraps around his body, becoming a long green cloak that billows seemingly independent of the wind. As the clasp on the cloak comes together of its own accord, Beirus can feel some sort of strange energy accumulating around himself, his feet floating off of the ground and his hands wrapping themselves in some sort of invisible force-field, which quickly expands to cover his entire body.
Red: Derm
Blue: Beirus II
Orange: Jenkins
White: The Roach
Brown: SMASH
Purple: Ed the Idiot
Pink: Systar
Yellow: Gerald Londeral